warming up to adopted children

Lynda Grant - posted on 10/16/2013 ( 7 moms have responded )

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our oldest son and his wife just adopted three children from an orphanage in Colombia. The oldest child 9 is demonstrative and seems to be adjusting the best, which is to be expected. the youngest age 6, a boy and age 3 1/2 a girl are very reserved with grandparents. Any suggestions on how to warm these darlings up. I long to hold them in my arms and have them sit on my lap like my other grandchildren do.

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Lynda Grant - posted on 10/16/2013

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good idea because they love their new primo's who really adore me. I did not know if they would feel excluded or encouraged. The youngest a little girl is completely in love with my son as men are unique in her life. She was taken away at birth and orphanages are all woman as care givers and my daughter in law had to return to work after the first six weeks in Bogotá as her company would give her more time off so they all were with a brand new Mr. Mom for the next 6 weeks. The little boy was so young when he was taken from his birth family, only 2 and we are hoping he does not remember the shaking baby ordeal that lead to a seizure, birth mother at fault which may be a reason he is really very distant. I know it took a month before he would even take his new mother's hand. He is turning 6 November 4th complete with his favorite foods, family, spider man cake and fireworks after dinner in the front yard put on by his grandfather, tio bubbie and Daddy. Maybe I can sit with all the boys (three) and enjoy the show.

Queen Of My - posted on 10/16/2013

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Sounds like you are doing everything right! You just need to be patient! Poor things have been through a lot and it is understandable why they may be introverted and afraid to love anyone. Keep planing things that they enjoy doing and let them see how the other grandchildren relate and interact with you :)

Lynda Grant - posted on 10/16/2013

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thanks and am headed in that direction just so anxious to show them Nana love the way I do others..my other children claim I have hero status with theirs. they like the things I have bought them and as orphans who had nothing ever that helps. Gave Gaby the 9 year old her first birthday party and on Nov 02 giving the little boy his first party ever...February will do the same for the 3 year olds. Only live an hour away and try to see them as often as I can. I do travel a lot but try to call and Skype. no problem with the 9 year old...her first English sentence while still in Colombia was..."Nana you are beautiful to which I replied "Gabriela you get a bike"...which all of them need and are ready for...have just been our newest Americans since mid September and so many changes...taking 18 of us to Disney over thanksgiving which will also be a fun time...all in the same house for a long weekend should be a good move as well. have other issues, I will share...stay tuned...

Sarah - posted on 10/16/2013

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Just give it time. Do things like you are with the cake. Get down with them and play. If you are able to have visits with them be not too far apart (one a week, or a couple times a month) this helps so you don't have to start all over each time you visit.

My parents and my husband's parents live a ways away and did not get to see my youngest for months apart. When she was a very newborn she did not care who was holding her, but soon she started to choose and mom was the only one that she wanted. She did not know the grandparents and so when they would visit she did not want to go to them. They would talk to her while I held her or as she got older sit down on the floor and play with her. Eventually (it took about a year) they were able to hold her. She is now almost 2 1/2 yrs old and when grandparents come to visit those are the only people she wants to be with. :) My guess is that it won't take a year for your grandkids to bond, but just give it time. Allow them to make the moves, and continue to do activities that encourage that bonding. :) And by the way, Congrats!

Lynda Grant - posted on 10/16/2013

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we are so blessed and we know it. The children are the happiest new Americans you can imagine. I did have a little luck when I had all three decorating the skirt of a princess cake. While putting flowers on the skirt, the youngest one had to sit on my lap to reach the cake...just more delicious than that cake was the 20 minutes with her on my lap. It is so much fun giving first birthday parties and giving first birthday presents. I'll keep working on it and can tell others if successful, which I plan on being.

Angela - posted on 10/16/2013

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I have no advice for you but I truly wish you all the best with these new members of your family.

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