Was I wrong by not telling my ex about filing for child support?

**CFLGHO** ♥ - posted on 05/21/2012 ( 11 moms have responded )

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He has two children from a previous marriage where he pays their mother $400 a week. He has only been giving me $50 a week for the past 2 years for half of daycare of our child. It took weeks for him to buy our son underwear when I asked and I've asked him to get him some summer clothes month ago and he hasn't done anything. He does see our son and spend time with him but if our son has dirty laundry he sends it home for me to wash when I have to pay to do laundry and he has a washer and dryer in his home. I just felt like he was taking advantage of me because he didn't think I would take him to court about it. He knew that I struggle financially and he's said before that he wishes he could help out financially more but hasn't offered to at all. He's even let me borrow money before as long as I have paid him back. So I did what I had to do. But now he is so upset with me says he has lost respect for me as a person and they way I went about this was vindictive! He's is impossible to talk to about anything he always says its a bad time so if i would have tried to talk to him and ask him for more money he would have just blown me off. He has made me feel now like i am the bad guy in this situation. But I count on the little bit of money that he does pay me weekly so I was scared that if I told him I filed that he would stop helping altogether until we went to court. Did I handle this the wrong way or is he just upset and hurt and being a bully??

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Sally - posted on 05/22/2012

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My dad used to have a saying " if you dip your wick, you have to pay for the oil " This man needs to step up and support his child. Its not your fault he has to pay for his other children. You did the right thing filing without telling him. He would have talked you out of it. Goodluck.



Eta. Do not agree anything,do not sign anything. You have started the ball rolling. The court is the best way to sort this and if at a later date he trys to get out of paying you will have a court order to fall back on.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/21/2012

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Nope you did the right thing. You divorced him for a reason, and you should not have to worry about what he thinks of you. He is the one not supporting his kid financially, and if he was any kind of man, he would not make you beg for help with his own kid.

About the laundry, send him with some cloths to keep at your husbands house, and tell him you expect him to deal with his laundry when he has him.

Firebird - posted on 05/22/2012

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Don't sign anything that he wants you to sign. Just wait until the court date and the back pay. Since he's being such a bully about all of this, I'd go for back payment for the last 2 years.

Firebird - posted on 05/22/2012

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No, chances are, if you had told him before hand, he would have tried to talk you out of it. That's probably why he's mad, because you didn't give him a chance to sucker you into not filing.

Gwen - posted on 05/21/2012

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No it wasn't wrong. This isn't about HIM, it's about his CHILD. You need to make sure you are providing for your baby the best that you can. He is just mad cause he thought he had you wrapped around his finger, and now he's throwing a tantrum because you are holding him legally accountable. Don't even argue with him. When he says those things just say something vague like 'okay' or 'mmm hmmm' and hang up or walk away.

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Baartmanu - posted on 05/23/2012

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I did exactly the same thing - I sent him an email informing him that he can expect the sherrif with the summons. I'm getting maintenance and the minute he defaults I am going to have him arrested.

Promises, promises, promises will not get your child fed, clothed and looked after in proper daycare.

Bonnie - posted on 05/23/2012

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He's responsible just as much for your child as he is for his children with the other ex. You just let the courts figure this out and don't engage him in discussion of it. His other ex may lose some of her childcare so that you will receive more, well that's how life goes, he owes his child by you just as much as his other kids. Also, don't make any arrangements with HIS lawyer, who has allegiance to him, not you, the courts have a formula they use to determine how much he is responsible to pay based upon his income and other factors, let them sort this out. I'd also ask the courts for support for the past years that he has been paying you the measly $50, like that's going to fed, clothe and take care of his child,he should be ashamed of himself...

Christy - posted on 05/23/2012

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I know everyone has responded to this but I just wanted to add my two cents. No ma'am you are in no way wrong for filing for child support. I went through the same situation a few years ago and it was ridiculous. My daughter's dad and I had agreed that he would pay $200/month for our daughter. That would help with daycare fees. He would barely pay that. Of course he was coming around and seeing her and stuff like that but I was still struggling financially. I found out that he was paying twice that much to his other daughter's mom a month and I was furious. When I filed for child support he stopped being a part of our daughter's life. It was like he was doing all that other stuff just to keep me from taking him to court. I tell you this because I don't want you to be surprised if he stops coming around and dealing with your son. It is sad but situations like this show you a person's true colors. What is important is that you child has everything he needs. I am not sure if you believe in God but if you do pray about it, make sure you are doing everything with a pure heart, and keep moving forward. God will bless you in the end. He will provide for you. Don't worry about that guy and how he feels or what he is going through because obviously he doesn't care about how you are surviving.

**CFLGHO** ♥ - posted on 05/22/2012

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Thank you for all for helping with my question you have all been a huge help! It's easy for the people close to me to tell me I'm doing right but it helps a lot for people who don't know me to agree! :)

So now he is past being mad... But I think he's trying to bully me still. He says he can't keep paying me even the $50 until after our court date unless I come up with the amount that I want him to pay and he agress and then we go to his lawyer and have him write something up and we both sign it. Or he can not pay me and we can go to the court date and I can wait for them to back pay me... I think he thinks him and his lawyer can try to pull something over on me

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the way i see it , if this man can pay another woman 400 a week for 2 kids then he should at least pay you 200 a week for 1 child.50.00 isn't nothing in this day in age. He should be trying more to help. what does he think that his other children is better than yours? he may be having something to do with your child. But still he isn't doing a very good job of trying to provide. No, i wouldn't tell him about filing for child support, if he has a problem with paying 50 to you and wants to treat you with disrespect. i wouldn't at all tell him. he will find out that enough is enough. I hope you get more than what you diserve on money wise. good luck.

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