Was i wrong to get upset at my Mil and Sil

Tamara - posted on 09/03/2014 ( 7 moms have responded )

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So a little while ago me and my husband went over to my Mils. We were having a good time. Now we were planning on leaving her place in about half an hour it was 8:30 and my daughter had to go home to get to bed (she was 12 months at the time). So my husbands sister asked if she could take her to the park and me and my husband said no as she had just had bath time earlier that evening and i would need to put her to bed right away when we get home as she would be exhausted when we got home and i didn't need her to get dirty. So i said you can take her outside in the front yard in the grass. I asked her nicely to make sure to watch out for cars as they live by a busy roadway and to keep her on the front lawn please. She said ok. So then his mother in law decided to take the dog for a walk to go pee. Now me and my husband do not like this dog as it has attacked our child multiple times and has broken the skin on my daughters face when it bit her a little while back. My husbands family seems to think that its not that big of a deal and we are overreacting when we say to keep the dog away from our daughter (it has also attacked other family members children) and the dog attacks even if the the child is no where near it runs up and bites ankles and legs. My husband reminded his mother to keep our daughter in the front yard so we can check on her from time to time as we like to know where she is beacuse of the dog they have at their house and refuse to keep away from our daughter. His mother has a history of arguing with us on how we parent our child and just right out ignores our wishes. So me and my husband were having a conversation and about 10 min had passed and we had to get going soon so i thought i would check on our daughter as we are first time parents and like to know where she especially at their house. So i looked out the window and she was gone. Now i just immediately panicked because i expected her to be outside in the front yard and she was gone. No one popped in to say where they were taking her how long they were gonna be or nothing just took off with her. So i walked into the yard and check all around the house backyard excetera and she was no where. So i panicked and was extremely upset as like i said they could have at least popped in to say if they were talking her for a walk around the block. So 20 mins had past and they decided to come back. They had taken her to the park with the dog and not told us because me and my husband said no. So they came in the door and i started yelling telling them that they cannot just take our daughter wherever they please without telling or asking me or my husband and they never respect anything me and my husband say and that we did not trust the dog around our child and they decided to take her anyways and to not even tell us how long they were going to be. So me and my husband walked out the door and left to go home.

Now present day. My husband was having a conversation with his father and asked him if i have anger issues and that his sister is scared of me she is 20. He of course said no and said you guys do not respect us and of course if you tell us you are keeping our daughter in the front and then we look and she is gone we are going to worry and get upset especially when you take her out with a dog that has attacked her before. They seem to think i over reacted and have some kind of anger problem now.

I have no idea what to do as i do not think i over reacted and neither does my family

Now before you say shes a grandma and she is responsible and she raised my husband you have to understand that this woman is not responsible and clearly wants things only her way we always invite her to the house to see our daughter but she always makes an excuse like its late im tired why cant you come over (which we do but my daughter goes to bed at no later than 9 (which again my mil does not respect and has told us before i dont care if my daughter is tired why do we have to leave) and my husband gets home at 5:30 so by the time he showers and changes theres no time on weekdays) and says we have to always come and visit her. As well the few times she does come to our home she is constantly cleaning my house like i do not do a good enough job and then doesnt visit with her grandaughter and then complains about it the next day as if we stopped her from seeing her. Then were getting calls from her everyday complaining she never sees her granddaughter and we tell her you can come over anytime of the week as long as you let us know even when her son is not around as i am a SAHM but she acts like she didnt hear what we just said and starts complaining more. as well she has disowned her son over things like the way he cuts (or doesnt cut) his hair the clothes he wears and does not like the way we parent our daughter (not getting her ears pierced not putting nail polish on her nails not letting her babysit because she refuses to lock the dog up.) and has purposely not invited us to family occasions becuase of these reasons and would never call us to talk to use but 3 times a year but that has all changed because she has a grandaughter who she thinks is hers as she call hers all the time her daughter and not granddaughter. She has not raised him since he was in his teenage years and kicked him out of the house when he was 14 to live with his grandmother.

7 Comments

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Lee - posted on 09/03/2014

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Hi, this is grandma again, sounds like you have worked hard to make your family relationship work, the getting mad is over and done with, the dog is a real problem and disrespecting you and your husband ......that is the problem. So everyone blows-it now and then, forgive your self and move on......sounds like you are a good mom and thanks for trying to be a good daughter-in-law. Just remember both sides have to try, not just you

Tamara - posted on 09/03/2014

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thanks for all your advice definetely me and my husband have to discuss what were going to do. We have not been over there in 3 weeks as we are upset that no one even said sorry for what they did. His mother also used to call us and ask about our daughter and now when she calls she barely talks to us and doesnt even ask about her grand daughter anymore because she is mad at us that we were upset with what they did. Hopefully this can get resolved.

Dove - posted on 09/03/2014

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They willingly put your child's life in danger (as a dog could certainly kill a one year old) and see nothing wrong w/ it? I'd be done... They'd be 100% out of my life.

Dove - posted on 09/03/2014

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I would not associate w/ them on any level whatsoever if they were like that and couldn't respect me as the mother.

Michelle - posted on 09/03/2014

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I'm with you on keeping the dog away from your daughter. Maybe let them know that if they can't respect the way you want to raise your daughter then you won't visit as often.
If it was me I'd be keeping my distance.

Tamara - posted on 09/03/2014

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Thanks for your advice on the situation . I realize now i should not have lost my temper and told them calmly why i was upset but it was a in the moment thing and i was not thinking as they have done things like this before and i just let them walk all over me with it and this was the final straw. We have done as you suggested and told them why i got upset at what happened that day and they said they see nothing wrong in what they did. Even his father who lives with us and gets along with us thinks we had no reason to be upset at what they did. We have also done this with other situations before like with the dog biting our daughter and they said the dog is just protecting itself even though we have taught our daughter to be gentle around animals and not to chase after and to hold her hand out to them and let them come to her and it still attacks.

Lee - posted on 09/03/2014

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Wow, I am a grandma and mother in law, and understanding their are two sides to every issue, I would like to say wow, they have no boundaries. This is your daughter first, grandchild and niece second. First that dog is a problem, and I am a dog lover, I would never leave your daughter alone with any of them, the can not be trusted. You have to look out for her best interest! Second, you are the parents, the rule makers, not his family. Three, in that situation I might have lost my temper as well, but remember loosing your temper never solves anything, action solves problems, you and your husband need to decide what is your bottom line, state it, and follow it.
I don't always agree with my sons and daughter in law's rules and decisions concerning my grandkids, some times I might ask why or ask questions, but they are the parents not me. I am very lucky to have a great relationship with them all. Maybe part of it is due to the fact I don't run their life, I run mine. Good Luck

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