was it normal being a wife masturbating herself because of sexless marriage?

Gina - posted on 05/07/2011 ( 16 moms have responded )

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We've been together for 3yrs and a couple of months, after i got pregnant my hubby never made love to me again. And for that, because of biologically need i masturbate myself and felt guilty to my child because i know its a big sin...he knew about this, he was mad but never took action for it...i am afraid to find out if there's an effect of this on my body....how i can tell him that i still need sex....HELPPPPPPPPP PLSSSSS

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Jackie - posted on 05/13/2011

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I say kick his ass to the curb and pursue a happy and healthy relationship with someone else.

[deleted account]

Well this may not be the answer yo uare seeking, but it might be time to ditch the guy and build a wonderful life with just you & your child as a single mom. As a school teacher (me too!) you are highly educated and have the credentials to surpass a lower waged position so yo ucan support yourselves financially. This guy doesn;t seem to have a great track record with women and children. Does he support his other children? Or if they are older, does he have a relationship with them? Also, there is a huge age difference. Not saying that ALL couples with a 20+ year age difference is doomed, but it obviously makes things more challenging. He seems to be dominating and controling you. Why would you accept that? Is this the man you honestly see yourself growing old with? The way I'm reading into it, he'll move on when he's ready to find potential wife/mistress #4. He is a man that ca't make committments. While your child is still small, I say it's time to be strong an dmove on. Good luck!

[deleted account]

Masturbation in and of itself isn't a sin and you aren't doing any damage to your baby. That being said.... you and your husband should really talk about this so that you are both giving and getting what you need to in order to maintain a healthy relationship.

[deleted account]

If I understand correctly, you're pregnant and your husband doesn't want to have sex right? You need to talk to him about why he doesn't want to have sex. Many men are afraid that having sex will hurt the baby, which is wrong. There is no harm in having sex throughout a normal pregnancy. If you are on bed rest or have a high risk pregnancy, then you need to talk to your doctor to find out if sex is okay.

As for masturbating, there is nothing... I repeat NOTHING wrong with masturbation. If you have a high risk pregnancy and the doctor says no sex, then you should probably abstain from madturbating too, otherwise, go for it!

I do not believe that it is a sin at all, but then I am also not religious. Self exploration is necessary for people to learn about their own bodies, and while I don't believe your need is biological but rather psychological, it doesn't make it any less of a need. Sex and masturbation are great for stress relief. If you aren't getting satisfaction from sex, then of course you'll turn to doing it for yourself. Nothing wrong with that.

But you really need to find out why your husband has suddenly turned off your sex supply. From the way you've described things, I'd guess he does think it will harm the fetus. It won't, but if he needs convincing, ask him to go with you to your next doctor appointment and ask the doctor if having sex would harm the fetus so that he can explain the mechanics to the both of you to alleviate any fears.

Nicole - posted on 02/01/2014

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Take a deep breath, Gina, then using your tongue and lips, primarily, begin forming words and speaking!

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Chase - posted on 07/13/2016

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I've been with my fiancée for 4 years and we can't have sex at all, we have tried but I just can't go inside her and I'm ALWAYS sexually frustrated and I masturbate over 5 times a day and I always tell her I need sex and we need to do it, so the best way is that just tell him you need it

Helen - posted on 02/01/2014

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You need communicate with your husband. People see sex differently. You should ask your husband why he doesn't want to have sex with you. once you know the reason, you will find a solution.

Sarah - posted on 08/22/2013

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I want to start by saying that there is no biological need to masturbate, it is a want, and that desire can at times be very strong. Having said that, my husband is a good lover, but I still masturbate, I masturbate because I like masturbating, and it is good and healthy. But if your husband is not having sex with you, he was problems, the problems need dealing with. Sex should always be part of the marital relationship, except when forced to be apart for a period of time.

PS In reference to masturbation being a sin, I am religious, and I believe masturbation is a gift from God.

Blackwood - posted on 05/12/2011

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First it will not effect your son? Second it's totally normal and good for you mentally and physically. I don't understand why anyone would think this is a sin. It's a feeling you get and if it wasn't normal to have these feelings our bodies wouldn't react to them.

Gina - posted on 05/12/2011

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thank you for all your encouraging comments..the problem is my hubby, we talked about this last year. he asked me why im doing this and answered him "you answer your question" and he was silent and ended the conversation with his answer " have sex with another man" and i cried.
we were not married. he was annulled and had 3 kids with 3 different mothers (im the 3rd ). hes turning 48 and im turning 27 and our daughter just turned 2. i am a stay-home-mum but was a grade school teacher first.
i wanted to discuss this matter to him seriously but he never listened. i asked for a separation but he said no. he was jealous and got his nerves whenever i glanced and talked to other men.
what will i do? does he still love me? was it my problem? was he sick? maybe he has hormonal problem! I REALLY NEED YOUR ADVICE MUMS!

Mechelle - posted on 05/07/2011

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There is absolutely nothing wrong with masturbating. What is the difference between sex with a partner and sex with yourself during pregnancy? It will not harm your baby unless a dr. has told you no sex. As for your husband, if he is mad at you for masturbating, then he needs to become the loving husband again and make love to you. And ask him how many times does he masturbate? Why is it ok for him to do it and not you? If he still will not make love, have him go with you to a dr.'s appointment to reassure him that sex will not harm the baby.

Annie - posted on 05/07/2011

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Looks like your conscience prevents you from doing so and that’s creating a lot more unwanted pressure on you. It's not sin or evil, though, it’s a person's choice. Nothing would harm the baby as long as the mother is healthy. But, stay cautiously pure and clean, at least for a while, just for the baby and your guilt free mind would help you to feel good in the long run.

Elfrieda - posted on 05/07/2011

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Just tell him, "I miss you." And mention in passing that all the books say that sex doesn't hurt the baby. If you can, snuggle with him, wearing a low-cut top. Hopefully he won't be able to resist, even if he feels a little weird about it to begin with. :)

After all, your sex life is probably not going to be that great for at least a year after the baby's born; why not make up for that in advance? I hope you get up the nerve to talk to your husband about this openly.

For what it's worth, I don't think it's wrong to masturbate. It's not harming you or your child, and it won't harm your relationship with your husband unless you prefer doing that to doing "it". :)

[deleted account]

Sharon, fair enough. I would call it a compulsion, which is a psychological need of sorts, but I suppose it could be a biological one too and I just can't think of an example. It is 2.30am after all. :-/ In any case, I fully 1000% agree with you. Our bodies, our right!

[deleted account]

Masturbation is a biological need for many people- men & women. Who the hell said it was a sin? There are far worse "crimes" out there, and pleasing oneself is not one of them. Too bad for your husband, I suppose, if he no longer wants to please you. I'm all for a women's empowerment to take your sexuality in your own hands, literally, and figuratively :-) Good luck!

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