Was Your Hubby Helpful After Birth?

Shannintipton - posted on 06/12/2011 ( 46 moms have responded )

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How helpful was your hubby after you gave birth. Did he take time off of work. Was he helpful or in the way? Something to think about for fathers day.

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Darla - posted on 06/23/2011

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My hubby was Wonderful!! I've unfortunately had all babies by c-section (we are on #4 right now!!) He takes a week off of work after I get out of the hospital, my church makes us dinner for a week so it's a good time for us to bond with baby (husband especially loves this). After he goes back to work it changes a bit, I get up during the week and weekends he gets up at night (All have been bottle fed so he is able to help in this area). He really is an amazing man and I love him very much for all the things he does for our family. He's there for the older kids too, bath time, bed time, wrestling, taking to pool, making dinner (as long as its something he knows) I count myself very fortunate to have a husband/father as great as him :)

Mandy - posted on 06/22/2011

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My hubby went to Hong Kong for a b-day party 10 days after the birth of our son. Luckily my parents were here or I would have gone crazy. My son is 2.5 y/o and I can count on 2 hands the number of nappies he has changed, has gotten up 2 or 3 times during night (I had to as well) and kicked me out of our bed when I was 8.5 mths pregnant and also after my son was a year old. Also came home one day when son hadn't slept all day and I was still struggling to breastfeed and told me I was on a holiday and useless at cleaning and cooking. Now he comes home and would rather watch TV than spend time with our son. I would say that if your hubby is uninvolved at the start, even during the pregnancy, that he will not change unless he wants to - trying to change him just makes you more and more depressed. Either accept his lvel of involvement or get out now.

Carol - posted on 06/22/2011

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When I came home from the hospital, he had an old army blanket covering the double door space to our den (no doors hung at that point) for nursing, a changing table set up on our vanity, and in general, had everything as comfortable for me as he could have made it.

As far as the night time "stuff," he did the changing, I did the feedings. He didn't have the equipment. Once he went back to work though, things changed. Thank God for moms!

Jessie - posted on 06/21/2011

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he was amazing!!! took as much time off work as he could and was a very big help!!

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 06/19/2011

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Mine was awesome too. We both slept on the couches for 2 weeks with the baby in a swing between us because we weren't sure who wasn't exhausted enough to not wake up LOL we did everything together and although it was chaos for the first month, we finally settled down a bit and got a schedule going.

mmmm...... not looking forward to the next bout of chaos to prevail in september. aaaaaaah

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Mandy - posted on 06/22/2011

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I have come to terms with it now. I have told him that I am not going to be responsible for his relationship with his son. I'm not going to ask him anymore if he wants to give our son a bath or put him to bed or take him for a walk. It is a load off my shoulders now! Sarrah - maybe our hubbies can find a class on how to be a respectful human being and go together!!

Shannintipton - posted on 06/22/2011

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You and Mandy almost sound like you were married to the same guy. I really don't know what to say to this. It is incredibly unfair guys. Sorry to hear this.

Sarrah - posted on 06/22/2011

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Yeah shannin. He was quiet lazy. If I didn't make him dinner he would have gone out to buy junk food, I've tried talking to him about it but I get the same answer all the time. Lately I haven't been doing any of his washing or anything that he needs done, the way I see it is one way or another he can get off his ass and do something

Shannintipton - posted on 06/22/2011

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Mandy that is terrible. I feel sorry for you. I have no words. :(

Shannintipton - posted on 06/22/2011

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That is really sad Sarrah. Maybe you could be too tired to fix him dinner after taking care of both of yours child.

Sarrah - posted on 06/22/2011

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Didn't help much at all, his excuse is I work all day an I'm tired! Didn't bother getting up to feed our daughter let alone change her Nappies. I did everything on my own.

Sherri - posted on 06/21/2011

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No he took zero time out of work with me not working we could not afford for him too. He got to just enjoy them and I did everything else. He is a truck driver has to get up at 3:30am and drive 400mi a day and didn't get home till 7pm. He would eat dinner and be in bed by 9-10pm. So I expected him to do nothing unless it is a weekend.

Stifler's - posted on 06/19/2011

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my husband doesn't get that either. he is like "why are you crying again yu have everything to be happy about!" it's like um it's called whack hormones from having a baby in your belly and suddenly she's gone and feeding 24/7 on your boob and hurting your boobs.

Cyntia - posted on 06/19/2011

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My husband was helpful but did not take off work. But He didn't understand the emotions that we go through after child birth.

Deardiananelson - posted on 06/18/2011

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But be careful not to compare the ways your hubby helps compared to your friends. It's a dark and treacherous rabbit hole- keeping score.

Stacia - posted on 06/18/2011

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He was wonderful, Helped me with the baby, did all the cooking, helped me rest and even made sure I had someone there to help when he had to work. Both my mother and his helped out. I really had a great team. OH! AND He got my favorite TV series on DVD so I had something to watch while I rested - all part of the reason I am spoiling him like mad this Father's Day. We're at a 4-star luxury resort in Laguna Beach right now. Listening to the waves crash outside my balcony as I type. A perfect day.

Priscilla - posted on 06/18/2011

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Not helpful at all. I love him to death but the man is not a baby type of guy. They are all mine until at 1 and then he plays more of a role. He would do stuff that I asked, but not out of his own will or thoughtfulness. He's a guy, what can I say? Men who are super helpful and thoughtful- God bless your wives! Such a blessing. :)

Prabhjeet - posted on 06/17/2011

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yes my hubby is very helpful in my first delivery he took off for mnth and helpd me alot ..evry time he gve me full rest ..to feed baby in proper time,to wash his nappies.etc now he is very caring n helping father n hubby God bless im alwaz ...

Carol - posted on 06/16/2011

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He was wonderful and did all the changing. Feedings . . . they were up to me 24/7.

Kristen - posted on 06/15/2011

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My kids father was not helpful at all! with our first born he didn't even help out while i was pushing for three hours. and he had to go back to work that morning i gave birth to our son troy and he barley even helped at all for 6 months before he went to PRISON..and as for our second child he wasn't even there cus he is still in prison...shows what a "awesome" father he is

Alexandria - posted on 06/15/2011

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My husband is getting better each time. When we had our first we were only 18 and did not have much money and were actually living with my parents ... so he had a couple of days off while we were in the hospital and that was it. My mum is wonderful thou and helped ALOT. Then the second time around he had a new job and acually worked away for 10 days at a time. When it was time to have the baby thou he was aloud to leave and have a few days off. He was 11 hours away at the time and made it to the hospital a few hours before the delivery. Then we had to stay in the hospital for 6 days due to a few problems .... he was great, he took our older son home so that he didnt have to stay at his Aunties anymore. He got the house all clean and tidy to bring the baby home to .. it was lovely. Then he managed to take a few more days off to help me before he had to leave for work again. We are expecting again and are not sure what time he will be able to get off ..... but i am VERY fortunate to have my Mum so close (shes such a good help).

Sarah - posted on 06/15/2011

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My husband was self employed, no work - no money. With not much money coming in anyway, he couldn't take any time off apart for the birth. I has a caesarean section. He did arrange for his mother to help me though, and she came every day, took the older ones to school, came back, and spent a few hours with me, making bottles, hoovering, washing ironing, and helping me prepare the dinner for the evening. She was wonderful. I couldn't have managed without her!

Shannintipton - posted on 06/15/2011

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hey my maiden name was hatfield. We stole the pig that started the hole fued. ha ha

Stacey - posted on 06/15/2011

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LOL After my c-section, it was hard for me to get up out of bed without my DHs help. So he "helped" me move the cradle into our living room since it was easier for me to get up and down off the couch for the night-time feedings. He didn't change diapers or help with baths. His idea of helping with housework was watching the baby sleep so I could cook dinner or do laundry or whatever. I especially love (*eye roll*) how he took care of inviting all our friends over during feedings or what should be nap time. He took three weeks off work, but spent that time running errands or playing golf to "relax". And he wonders why we stopped after 2.

Lay Theng @ Cathryn - posted on 06/14/2011

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My husband was helpful with the 1st baby. Took 3 wks off and was really helping. With 2nd baby, he was jobless for 6 mths. He assumes I can handle everything n he disappears either into his study room (on his PC always saying he's seeking a job) or out of the house (grocery shopping for few items at a time). He cooks dinner and washes the dishes and takes care of his own laundry and that's all. I take care of a toddler and a baby (24/7 feeding, changing, baths, potty-training) n the house-cleaning n laundry for 2 littles and myself. So the house is a mess cos I get no help n no money to hire help. But I shouldn't complain cos husbands in Asia don't even cook and wash dishes and the wife is still expected to wash and iron his clothes on top of everything. I live in Australia so married life is actually a bit better but I know it can be better.

Diana - posted on 06/14/2011

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My husband was a hands on father from the get go, with all three of our children!

Stifler's - posted on 06/12/2011

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I'm getting him an angle grinder I think or a cordless drill, something like that.

Lady Heather - posted on 06/12/2011

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Oh yeah. He's earned it. I finally picked the gift (charcoal grill) and the food (Lebanese feast). I love father's day.

[deleted account]

My husband took about a week off after each kid. But his work schedule allows him to be home fairly often so even after he went back he was around to help. He was helpful taking care of me and the baby and the older kid and cooking...the house not so much. His way of helping with the house was to tell me that it didn't matter that the floor was filthy. Don't worry about vacuuming, just do it when you feel better.

Lady Heather - posted on 06/12/2011

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He was SO helpful. I was very sick for the first couple of weeks and he always got up and helped me when I was attempting to breastfeed. He changed almost all the diapers in the first couple of weeks. He went out and bought me freaking bras when I didn't have any big enough for my massive boobs (although he did take my sister for assistance - ha!). He is kind of a superdad. I did tell him to go back to work after the first week because my mum and sister were still there and I wanted to slowly reduce my people to get used to being on my own.

Katie - posted on 06/12/2011

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My husband was awesome when my son was born. He managed to save and scrimp so that he could take a whole month off of work. Otto was born the 8th of December and hubby didn't go back until a few days into the new year. He dealt with the baby blues, PPD, stressful family and the works. He probably changed more diapers during that first month than I did. He even helped with breastfeeding, when otto wouldn't latch he would get his hands in there and help pull down his jaw to get his mouth open. We have had a fe hiccups along the way (all minor annoyances) but all in all he is a spectacular dad. We have another boy on the way now, he should be making his appearance sometime in mid(ish) July. Sadly Derek will only be able to be off for about a week this time around and we live 15 hours from family, but I am sure that he will do all he can to make the transition from one to two as smooth as possible. I love my husband!

Stifler's - posted on 06/12/2011

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Damian took a week off straight after the birth with Logan and took time off to go to scans. With Renae he didn't come to the first 2 scans but fluked coming to the last one by being sick. He a few days off for the birth then went back to work while I was at home with his mum, my parents, other people staying then took a week off when they left so I would have more help than just one week of heaps of people and then be on my own with the 2 of them. If Logan wakes during the night he gets up and if Renae wakes I get up. So far Logan has been more trouble than the new baby bahaha. It's worked out pretty well. I wouldn't need so much help if I didn't have a damn caesar though. So far he's cleaned off the top of the fridge and thrown out heaps of stuff out of the cupboard for me and occupies Logan so I can feed the baby and stuff.

Shannintipton - posted on 06/12/2011

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Yes Katherine, it is a mystery. ha ha But you didn't even notice he was gone.

Katherine - posted on 06/12/2011

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With my first he was ok. With my second he didn't do shit for 6 months. I was so pissed! No night feedings, didn't let me sleep, didn't help with the house, didn't help at ALL.

He is my ex now, hmmm wonder why?

Shannintipton - posted on 06/12/2011

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@ Jodi Sounds like you made an EXcelant decision regard your ex.

@ Amy,
My hubby was soooo good. But started to get goofy towards the end. He was up just as much as I was. I was sterilizing bottles and put the wire bottle brush in the microwave and couldnt understand why there were sparks. LOL. We actually fought over who would take over caring for our first one. However with the second one, he was so over the hole idea and I was basically on my own. lol He is steal above average is the father and husband and cook and bread winner and house cleaning. I think you get my point. Thanks for asking.

Amy - posted on 06/12/2011

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For the first one, he took time off work. Kinda had to. Emergency C section, daughter had hole in her heart and had to be in NICU....yeah. He was there, he was helpful and he took time off for us. He was great.

After my son - VBAC - I felt fantastic. I was dancing in the room with them that night and home the next day after we all went grocery shopping. I told him to go ahead and go back to work asap and we'll save vacation time for later when someone is sick or when we want days off together.

this Time...due any day now and we'll play it by ear. He will probably take off as long as I ask him to within reason. But if all goes well, I hope he gets to go back to work right away and save those days off for another time. But really, he was beyond supportive each time. Even with breastfeeding he was very helpful and encouraging. Always made comments like, well, i don't have boobs, i have no idea. maybe WE can try this? Always made it sound like we were in it together even though i was the one nursing. I love him. Always have. always will.

Amy - posted on 06/12/2011

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My husband went to every single doctors appointment I had for both our children! He slept over with me at the hospital and took two weeks off for the births. He's gone to every doctors and dentist appointment with me and the kids, he's really a fantastic father, and he's getting much better in the husband department lol. We're probably going to have to shift fathers day because as of right now I'm working but we often have to shift holidays because of our crazy jobs.

What about your husband, how did he rate?

Jodi - posted on 06/12/2011

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With my youngest, my husband wasn't really able to take much time of work, although he would have liked to. We own our own business, so it was something we had to play by ear. But when you have to rely on employees.....

It was a very difficult juggle for us, because I had to leave her in the hospital when I left, as she was in the SCN. So somehow, I had to be mum to my other 3 and then commute to the hospital during the daytimes to feed. So my hubby took whatever time he could, but it wasn't always possible.

My ex, when I had my oldest, well, he lost me when he left the hospital with my bag still in his car and wouldn't come back because he was "too tired"......I know, he though HE was tired, right? I'd just given birth to a baby, and I REALLY wanted to have a shower and put on something clean that wasn't a hospital gown, and he's too fucking tired? Hmmmmmm. Not happy. Suffice to say he was useless. Probably a damn good reason why he is my ex.

Constance - posted on 06/12/2011

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He was great with the kids he was actually in the same area code. He did everything he could do to help exspecially after my first c-section. He took 2 wks with 3 and 4. #1 he could only stay for 2 days. #2 he was on the other side of the world on deployment. But my Best friend was there for them and me. He is th best friend a girl could ever have.

Lissa - posted on 06/12/2011

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He was fantastic, did all the right things and was wonderful apart from......with our youngest he had to go back to work after two days for four day then he was going to be off for 2 weeks, he asked my Mother to come and "help me". I actually still haven't forgiven him (it's been five years). She left tissues everywhere, kept saying I would do that but it annoys you if i don't do it your way. I was trying to feed one, change the other and she just sat there reading the paper. I had to cook the meals, in fact I don't think she even made me tea, not once. I don't know why I didn't tell her to leave, I usually don't hold that stuff in, I can only imagine I was just too tired to deal with the fall out from saying it. So apart from those four days for which he will be punished for eternity (he should have thought about it and actually asked me, realising that I wouldn't find that in any way helpful) he was wonderful. Again that does not negate the importance of those four day of hell........... I think I'm banging on about it now :)

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