Ways to cope After a Stillbirth??
MOST HELPFUL POSTS
Carolyne - posted on 11/05/2009
I am so sorry for your loss. My son Zacharie was born still in July 2007. It was my darkest moment but as hard as it is to believe right now, you will see the light. I've since had a daughter but not a day goes by that I don't think of my son. I don't cry anymore but a piece of my heart will forever be missing. Have faith in God and lean on your friends and family. There's a group on Facebook called Angel Babies. I found that it was really good support to chat with other moms. Hang in there. It will get easier. Take time to grieve and don't let anyone tell you how long that's suppose to take. Everyone is different. Take care of yourself.
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Tove - posted on 09/06/2013
I just lost my little girl, Michelle< at 35 weeks. She was fine on the ultrasound on friday but on monday, my OB couldn't find a heart beat. I was induced and gave birth to her48 hours later. Im up but mostly down nowadays. Husband and I are on totally different grieving patterns.. how do you go on. Im hopeful to get pregnant again. I havent been able to get pregnant and have been trying since 2000. Michelle was my miracle baby, a gift from God. I told everyone this. he has a plan for her..etc. now shes gone
Amnah - posted on 08/28/2013
i had a stillborn 2 weeks ago it was my little girl my angle im finding it very very hard to cope its like ive got know life a head of me. i could never forget what happend. i had i good healthly pregnancy al the way it was the time of delivery she stopd breathing im just stressing over it again an again.
Sheila - posted on 11/09/2009
I know the pain and dispair you feel, with the loss of your child. I lost my first 17 yrs. ago. He was my first child born too soon, at five and half months. He was so small, my friend made him a christening gown out of hankerchiefs. There is not one day I do not think of him though I know God had bigger plans for my boy. The next year I found out I was having a baby, then, I lost another child at three months. I prayed to God, with my parents and friends help, I moved on. Two years went by, then God gave me a daughter who is now a teenager, she is the light of my eye. I still think of those I have lost, but with God's love I know they are okay. Time will get easier to cope, but you will not forget those you love and lost. May God comfort you and hold you in His arms while you are going through this diffcult time.
Lashawnda - posted on 11/09/2009
I understand where a lot of you are coming from. I had a son five years ago on Nov. 23rd and it still hurts today. I was only 20 weeks when I had him. I knew he was coming, because they could not stop my labor. I planned my son's funeral before he was born. That was a way to help me to start coping with the fact that I had to give birth to him to lose him right after. He was born breathing and lived for almost two hours. He passed away while I was rushed to the operating room. His dad held him the entire time, until he took his last breath. I still hurt today, because I did not get to be with him. It took alot out of me and I did feel like I could not go on, but I did it. I had another child to live for. I did things to honor my son that made me feel closer to him. It takes one day at a time. I now have another son whom is two years old now. I am so overprotective of him, because of what happened with my second son. He was a preemie also born at 29 weeks. I do not feel like I replaced my son, but I do sometimes feel guilty for him not being here. I have learned to cope with his lost. He is now an angel watching over us all and I am grateful that I was chosen to be his mother and him my son. Your babies will always be a part of you, just hold them close in your heart and it will be ok with one day at a time. My biggest support was my grandmaother, whom has passed away 6 months ago. I can feel at ease a little, because I know in my heart she is taking good care of him. I miss them both dearly, but they are in God’s hands together.
Erica - posted on 11/07/2009
After I had my stillborn baby boy three years ago, I found someone who did EMDR therapy. It really, truly helped me. Look into it. You can "google" it to find out more. Good Luck! It was the hardest thing I ever had to deal with in my life.
Abbie - posted on 11/07/2009
Amber, there are books out there- short and to the point of things. Also it has shown to help if you do a memorial of some sorts, some people plant a tree, a flower things like that. You need to find that one thing for you that works to start healing.
I myself have never lost a pregnancy at that late stage, but I have had my fair share of early miscarriages. What I have done in the past is journal, writing all and any thoughts regarding it. I talk with others, I almost take it as a job to teach people its OK to talk about the death of a child at any stage. Don't blame yourself for the still birth ( unless it was something you did (( drugs, drinking, risky behavior)) if you didn't do anything like that, then you can't blame you) There was something that wasn't right; I know that doesn't make it easier. I know that people have said things to yuou that hurt you deeply, but honey you lost something you love. You need to go throught the steps of pain to start your road to heal!!
If you do have feelings of hurting yourself though you need to seek professional help!! IN all my lost prenancies i have NEVER felt the urge to hurt myself or my son.......everyone is different, but hormones that are off are a nasty thing!!
Casey - posted on 11/07/2009
Sadly, you may be comforted by knowing you aren't alone. I lost my son the night before I was to be induced due to the cord being wrapped around him three times. At the time in the hospital I thought it was weird to take pictures of my son and now we treasure those photographs. It has been 14 months and I am pregnant again-8 months and the anxiety has really begun to get in. One picture book for adults that I found comforting is called Tear Soup. My husband and I found ourselves shedding tears for our angel baby thorughout the past year. Holidays and milestones are tough, and you don't forget, but it does get easier.
Dawn - posted on 11/07/2009
Therapy....the grief process is not easy and you will need help to fully recover. If you can't afford counseling, do you go to church? Most ministers or preachers are trained to counsel and what better place to heal that in the Lord's house! God has a plan for you and for the child you lost. He says, "before I formed you in the womb, I knew you." Try to find comfort in His promises and know that He is there with you through this difficult time. Remember, He sacrificed His son for you, so he knows the pain and sorrow you feel. My family will be in prayer for you. I had a miscarriage in my 2nd trimester with my first child and there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about the child I lost, although I have peace with the loss. I know that God had a plan for that child and that one day I will meet him or her and relish in what grand plan he designed just for them! Take care and I pray that you reach out to someone that will help you navigate to your own peace.
Tina - posted on 11/06/2009
I lost my little girl last year also at 38 weeks. I'd like to say I know what you're feeling - but I'm sure everyone handles it differently. I had no idea there was even anything wrong until I went to one of my regular checkups and my OB couldn't find a heartbeat. It was devistating. I can only imagine what you're going through now. But, I have to say, talking about it helped me. Although, like Betsy said, some people wanted to try and spare my feelings by not talking about it which, just as Betsy said, made me feel like they were trying to ignore my little girl and just move on and pretend it didn't happen. But for me, I felt I needed to talk about her - and still do, although now I've been blessed with a little boy who's 6 months old. He's the joy of my life and I've never felt so blessed - especially now after lossing my first little girl. This pregnancy wasn't easy and the closer I got to 38 weeks - the harder it was. But, I carried him successfully. But that doesn't mean there isn't a day that I don't think of my little girl and wonder what life would be like with her in it.
Feel free to message me if you'd like to talk. ~ Tina
Many years ago a woman my mother knew, who was a poet, wrote a beautiful poem that, to this day I can recite from memory. It's called 'To A Stillborn Child';
When I wander, I will wander as a child,
And wonder will accompany me
through dappled valleys,
Hand and hand across the glade.
Bluebirds will be tame,
The rabbit and the fawn will know my name,
And I will be still with wonder,
And the little ghost will smile.'
Wendy - posted on 11/05/2009
I had a son that was born at 30 weeks and died. It was the most difficult thing I've ever been through and the support of my family, friends and God were what helped me through each day. We also had a memorial and we took pictures that my son that I have since had sees everyday so he is a part of our lives. I would really recommend joining a support group with women that have been through what you did. I started meeting with a couple of moms that went through the same thing and it helped so much. It is so true that time heals and you just HAVE to go through the grieving process so don't push it back, just let it happen. In the meantime, you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Betsy - posted on 11/05/2009
You have to go through the grieving. Our second son was stillborn in 1996. They say time heals. Time helps you learn how to cope, but you never forget. We now have 5 children, and I still mourn his loss, but I promise it does get easier dealing with the pain. Like others said, lean on those there for support. Many times people feel uncomfortable and don't want to bring up the child, but I found and have heard from others dealing with their own losses, most of the time you want to be able to talk about the baby. That is your child, and you want them acknowledged. Others may feel differently, but for me, when no one talked about him to not want to hurt me by bringing him up, it made me feel like they ignored him or acted as if he never existed, so be honest with your support system of your feelings and what you want and need, as they can't read your mind. Also remember many times men grieve differently, so keep communication open with your husband.
You will be ok and you will be happy again, but this is a process and allow yourself to be kind to you as you go through it. Your grief timetable is individual to you.
I agree ^^^ definitely give yourself more time! give yourself at least the same amount of time that you were carrying to grieve, if not more! If you're married, lean on your spouse for support, lean on each other. Know that your baby girl is with Heavenly Father and that they both want you to be happy. I miscarried my first pregnancy, and it seemed like my first response was to shut my husband out, but he was grieving too, it was important to share that.
Laurynda - posted on 11/04/2009
Amber, you need to give this more time. The anti-depressants are just part of the process. Your body is still recovering from the shock of losing her. You need to do the grieving process - all the stages. Does your local hospital have a support group?
MAYTE - posted on 11/04/2009
HI SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS..I KNOW WHAT YOUR FEELING..I TO HAVE LOST A BABY BUT I WAS 22 WKS PREGNANT...I RECOMMEND YOU NEVER STAY ALONE... I HAD SO MANY UGLY THOUGHT LIKE WANTING TO KILL MYSELF AND EVEN TO HARM MY KIDS YOU NEED HELP TALK TO UR DOCTOR HE/SHE CAN RECOMEND A GROUP OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE GONE THRU WHAT YOUR GOING..YOU WILL FEEL MUCH BETTER ONCE YOU TALK TO PEOPLE WHO KNOW WHAT YOUR FEELING..TAKE CARE
Jennifer - posted on 11/04/2009
I have lost 3 children. One was bornstill and I was lucky enough to be in a hospital that has a group called P.R.I.D.E. (Parents responding to Infant death experience). I live in Oklahoma and we have a few hospitals who have these groups that meet once a month. You can also look for support groups on the internet. I am so sorry for your loss. If you need someone to talk to feel free to send me a private message.
September - posted on 11/04/2009
I'm so sorry for your loss. Just know in your heart that your little sweet pea is in a better place now. I'm sure that she is one of god's angels :) Enjoy the son that you do have and let him be your focus. Hang in there Momma! I'm here is you ever wanna talk :)
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