We are a christian family and my daughter found out her best friend is gay. Should she be allowed to continue her friendship with her?

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Kate CP - posted on 01/27/2012

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Are you afraid "teh gays" will rub off on your daughter? If you had just found out your daughter's friend had a sixth toe, would it make any difference?



If your daughter wants to be friends with this girl then let her be friends with her. Show some damned compassion as a "Christian" and befriend those whom you believe to be damned. Christ walked with the crippled, the lepers, the whores, and all the other sinners. He called them all brothers and sisters and loved them all. It is NOT YOUR PLACE to judge this girl. Love her for who she is, not what you're afraid she represents.

Lucy - posted on 01/27/2012

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If I were the parent in this position my concern would be for my daughter's friend because of the negative reaction she may get from unenlightened people.



I would be saying to my daughter "you know what, this is the time to really show what a good friend is and support her, because she may face some trouble from other people".



The idea that you may encourage your daughter to abandon a friend at a difficult time seem very odd to me. I would be upset by the idea that my daughter might do that.

Jodi - posted on 01/27/2012

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Are you kidding me? This might be the most offensive post I've ever seen, and I've seen some doozies.



My best friend happens to be gay, and her parents are the MOST Christian family I've ever met. Her mother goes to church every single day, and not a problem goes by that her mother doesn't think can be solved by saying the rosary!



THAT being said, the love for her daughter FAR outweighs her Christian beliefs, and she is completely accepted by her family.



So, before you ask yourself that question, ask yourself this...would YOU disown your child for being gay? I really hope you say no. This little girl is no different than anyone else, and honestly you should be ashamed of yourself for picking you child's friends because of something as stupid as loving the same gender. There are far worse things in this world than worrying over something as this. And if you are scared she is going to be an influence on your daughter, I can assure you, being gay isn't contageous!

Krista - posted on 01/27/2012

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Of course she should be "allowed" to continue the friendship. What is the alternative? To forbid her from being friends with someone who is different? Who (in your eyes) is "a sinner"? If that's the case, then she shouldn't be allowed to have ANY friends at all, because according to the Bible, each and every single one of us, including you, is a sinner.



The reason people are blasting you, is because the very THOUGHT of forbidding your kid to be friends with a gay person is just mind-boggling. Besides, like Kate said, Christ didn't ostracize the "sinners" -- he walked among them and befriended them.

Erin - posted on 01/27/2012

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I am a Christian woman. I have had lesbian friends, gay friends, bisexual friends, and straight friends. Also, most of the Bible verses comdemning homosexuality are in the Old Testament and in the letters of Paul in the New Testament. I can't think of one saying where Jesus condemned homosexuality specifically. If my children are ever confronted with this decision I'll remind them of this: when asked what the most important commandment was, Jesus answered, "Love you God with all your heart, soul, and mind. And the second is, love your neighbor as yourself." I have used this to form my position on difficult issues like this one.

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MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 01/27/2012

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I don't think anyone here said anything about "hate", just acceptance... ;)

Merry - posted on 01/27/2012

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Yep! Jesus loved everyone. Even the ones that were hated or misunderstood.

Simone - posted on 01/27/2012

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Ay yi yi! Totally not preaching hate at all. My daugher was uncomfortalbe with the situation. Trying to guide our daughter on how to approach the situation since she has never encountered this.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 01/27/2012

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My goodness YES! Being gay is not a chosen lifestyle, so if they are gay God intended them to be that way... In any regard it would be very thoughtless to shame your daughter from seeing her friend, a friend is meant to be there no matter what. This, in my opinion, includes the lifestyles of each friend... In today's society there are many things you just may need to let go of, society is much different these days, you wouldn't want to seclude yourself from everything, or you'd be pretty lonely. Just put yourself in your daughters shoes, she probably loves her friend no matter what and is willing to be her friend no matter what. This, by far, out ways the lifestyle. Imagine it was your daughter, you would feel terrible if her friends started dropping like flies because of something she had no control over.. ;)

Simone - posted on 01/27/2012

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Thanks for your guidance Jodi. This is a much better approach to the question.

Isobel - posted on 01/27/2012

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and the other day I swear I caught her trying to get my daughter to eat a shrimp :O ...

Isobel - posted on 01/27/2012

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I know exactly what you mean...my daughter just made friends with a girl who mixes fabrics, I have NO clue what to do. I really feel for you.



ps, I can't even imagine what it's like to have to live in a world where your very existence is sinful...sorry but some people just gross me out, and it's not the gay ones.

Krista - posted on 01/27/2012

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Oh, and Simone, if you don't like any of the answers that we're giving, you may want to consider asking in a Christian community. http://www.circleofmoms.com/christian-mo...



In the meantime, though, you might want to ask yourself why the Christians who have posted here are so appalled by your question...

[deleted account]

As a Christian mother myself I find your question infuriating. This girl is still your daughters friend, she is still the exact same person she was before you found out she is gay, would you have asked this question before you found out? How does her being gay change anything? If she is a good person she is a good person, who she loves doesn't have a bearing on that!

Jodi - posted on 01/27/2012

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Ok, I must have gotten it wrong, can you please explain to me how "should she be allowed to continue her friendship.." translates into "we want to approach this in a loving manner." Seems to me like someone is on damage control.



And if I did get it all wrong, here is a suggestion to help get your point accross better..



How about... my daughter has never come across the issue before, how can i be informative and supportive in teaching her to be open-minded and help her to grow into a person who accepts everyone for who they are?

Tara - posted on 01/27/2012

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Your choice of wording and the fact you see this as a delicate situation is why I find this post a somewhat upsetting. People around the world have been persecuted for everything under the sun in the name of religion.

And it all, ALL starts at home. This means that every time a parent projects intolerance in any way to their children regarding sexual orientation, race or culture etc. their children learn that intolerance is innately part of being religious. I think this is a great disservice to the world in general.



Please allow your daughter her friends, please guide her in the way of being a moral person, a person who values the principles of Christ. Love one another, judge not... all that stuff. In essence show love and tolerance and acceptance and you will raise a child who grows into a compassionate and empathetic person.

[deleted account]

Yes!



I don't want to start any drama, so please no one jump on my quote... but to MAKE a 'popular' quote.... Hate the sin, not the sinner.



I can't tell you exactly how this situation should be handled since I'm not in it, but turning your back on a friend is (IMO as a Christian... and as someone who has just LOST some of my friends) not a Christian thing to do and it can cause a whole lot more damage to a person when they may need you (or her) the most.

Kaitlin - posted on 01/27/2012

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Dear Simone, we too are fairly conservative, active members of our Catholic church. I understand how you are feeling, and I understand you were posting NOT about the larger issue, but about how to handle your conflict of beliefs here.



I would say that yes, definitely allow her to continue this friendship. She is going to disagree with a lot of other people in her lifetime. People don't make the same choices your or she will make. However, as Christians, we are still called to love, not to ignore. I think there is a difference between 'tolerance' and love. Tolerance is society's way of saying everything is okay as long as you don't offend others. Love is patient and kind, and doesn't turn others away even if we disagree with their actions.



This is a good thing for her, but it's going to be tough too.. Be prepared to have some hard conversations- talk to your priest or pastor, or encourage her to do the same (especially if you have a youth pastor or leader).

Liz - posted on 01/27/2012

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Simone, you imply that you are considering forbidding your daughter from continuing a friendship with a child known to be gay. That is what we understand by your choice of words 'Should she be _allowed_ to continue her friendship'. This, together with the basic concept of shunning someone for simply being gay, is why Jodi is offended and why I agree with Jodi.



It's completely up to your daughter what friends she has. It is not up to you to 'allow' or to 'forbid'. If you've taught your daughter the beliefs that you want her to follow - which I would sincerely hope would contain a large element of love and compassion towards our fellows - then that's your input done. If she decides that she wishes to continue a friend of this other girl, then you'll have to find a way to come to terms with that.



ETA: I really don't understand why this 'delicate situation' is something that your family as a whole needs to discuss/intervene on anyway. It's a matter for your daughter and her friend, unless of course your daughter has asked for your input. Even if she HAS asked, ultimately it's her decision after she receives guidance and not a matter for her family to dictate on.

Simone - posted on 01/27/2012

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You got it all wrong. I didn't post this to be blasted. I am concerned about my daughter and how to handle this delicate situation without offending my daughter's friend. We haven't processed the situation and want to approach it in a loving manner. Sorry you misunderstood. The girl's parents don't even know she is gay. And by the way we are not choosing my daugther's friends. However, as christian parents we are here to guide our daughter.

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