we just lost our 4 month old boy, when do we think of having another child?

Christa - posted on 03/07/2011 ( 31 moms have responded )

5

15

0

we just lost our 4 month old boy, when do we think of having another child ? this is both our first child, and i am 38 right now.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jodie - posted on 03/13/2011

65

62

6

I'm so sorry for your loss. Nobody really understands the pain of losing a child unless they've gone through it themselves!

We lost our 3rd child during pregnancy and I made the decision that I wanted to try as soon as the doctors gave me the green light. I wanted something good to focus on. Even though my head told me I couldn't replace Cameron that's exactly what my goal was. Having another baby would help me forget. It would help me move on. It would help me heal. Boy was I wrong! We started trying a month sooner then the doctors said to and I ended up getting pregnant right away. Everyday I woke up and asked myself if today would be the day I lost my baby. I refused to tell anybody I was pregnant. At first I told my husband I wanted to wait until I was 5 months. Then I said Oct. When Oct came I said I wanted to wait until the end of Oct. Then by mid Oct I wanted to wait until Christmas, I was due in Jan. He ended up telling people the end of Oct even though I wanted to keep it a secret. If I didn't tell it wasn't real. I tried my hardest not to bond with my child because I knew the day would come when she would be gone too.

I have a point! You need to give yourself time to grieve. You are in the midst of the hardest thing you will ever have to go through in your life. When you feel in your heart that you're ready, that's when your start. And, of course, talk to your doctors and find out if there's a reason you should wait or try right away. My love goes out to you and your family!

Jennifer - posted on 03/07/2011

14

0

1

My son was in NICU after he was born and I was in contact with families who lost babies. The two families I knew planned to try for pregnancy within 6 months. The reasons varied a little but the undertones were the same. They wanted new life in their family. While one baby can't replace another, I think its lovely and appropriate to try for another as soon as you want to.

Pam - posted on 03/13/2011

18

0

1

The wonderful thing about love is once you've felt the love of another person, you want to always have that in your life. It doesn't diminish the beautiful child you lost by wanting another baby. If you and your husband/partner feel emotionally ready and your doctor feels you can carry a pregnancy without harm to you mentally or physically, I say open your heart to another baby. The fact you asked the question says you are ready.

Kari - posted on 03/09/2011

1

14

0

I am so sorry for your loss. I recently lost my little girl when I was 32 weeks along. I elected for the C-section, so we have to wait for at least 6 months. At first I wasn't so happy that we couldn't start trying right away, but I'm glad that I am taking the time to grieve. We have had a hard time conceiving, so I feel like we should get things going again, but your body and mind need to rest after such a tragedy. My best advice is to pay attention to yourself, you will know when the time is right again.

Bonnie - posted on 03/08/2011

4,813

22

261

Christa, I am so sorry this has happened to you and your family. Surely the time you need to grieve varies from family to family so it truly is up to you. For some, the best way to feel better is to move on and for you that answer may be to try for another baby. I wish you luck!

This conversation has been closed to further comments

31 Comments

View replies by

Christa - posted on 03/14/2011

5

15

0

thank jodie...much appreciated and my love to you also...i will post more but wanted to thank you now

Alexandra - posted on 03/14/2011

581

24

1

so sorry for your loss. what happened exactly?
you will know the right time, nobody can tell you when it is, only you and your partner will know.

Clarity - posted on 03/14/2011

4

5

0

Hi Christa, your heart is hurting right now and the yearning to have a babe in your arms must be very intense. Give yourself time to heal in both body and soul, allow yourself time to grieve your loss. Your Dr will probably have some very good ideas around timing for you to consider. So sorry for your wee family.

Leigh - posted on 03/14/2011

6

0

2

Bless your Heart I'm so Sorry to hear of your Loss :( I think you Might want to ask your Dr about this Christa,and Make Sure your Ready to Try again you might take a little time to heal in your Heart & your body, My heart is with you Angel "& Our prayers are with you and your Husband,

May Jesus Bring you & Your Husband Peace,Leigh,

Alicia - posted on 03/13/2011

1

8

0

Im so sorry to hear about ur loss. He was a beautiful lilttle boy. I cant begin to imagaine what u are going through. In my personal opinion i think u should wait to have another child, the hurt will never go away but u need to be ready and in a good state of mind before u have another baby. I know i dont know you but u and ur family are in my prayers.

Ruby - posted on 03/12/2011

11

39

0

IM SORRY TO HEAR THAT I THINK ITS A GOOD TIME TO HAVE A BABY RIGHT NOW YOU DONT WANT TO WAIT TILL YOUR 40 BUT EVEN AT 40 LADYS HAVE BABYS BUT IT DEPENDS ON THERE HEALTH, AND YOU CAN ALSO ADOPT A CHILD GIVE A CHILD A SECOND CHANCE THERE IS A LOT OF KIDS THAT NEEDS LOVE BUT BEING A MOM ITS GREAT

Brianne - posted on 03/11/2011

64

14

4

I'm so sorry you lost your little boy. No one can tell you when the time is right, I can't imagine there is a right or wrong time. Go with your heart, if you are ready to try then go for it.

Teresa - posted on 03/11/2011

2

0

0

I would think that it would depend on when you and your significant other feels ready. I will tell you that I had my last child at age 43 so you still have a few years to go, depending on how many children you want.

Laura - posted on 03/11/2011

781

26

152

I am so sorry for your loss! I can't imagine the grief you must be feeling.

As for trying for another baby--only you and your doctor know if your body is up to another pregnancy, physically. If your health isn't at issue, then the decision is entirely up to you and your husband/partner! Only you can know what is best for you both. Again, I am so sorry for your loss...

Alex - posted on 03/11/2011

126

6

10

Im terribly sorry for your loss :( But in response to whether ur body is ok...well my aunty got pregnant 3 months after her first child and so they are very close together is age....she said the second was actually easier cause her hormones were still strong and her body was still in a pregnant state so i think itll be ok if you wish to try again....preying for a happy second child for you xo

Natasja - posted on 03/11/2011

2

3

0

I am so sorry for your loss. I know you are still grieving but you should try for another baby before it's to late. i had 2 miscarriages before I had my son who is 6 months now. He helped me get through my grieving stage. I know that your new baby wont fill that space but it will soothe the pain. I will carry you up in my priers.

Stephanie - posted on 03/10/2011

4

0

0

I am so sorry for you. Was your baby 4.5 months old or were you 4.5 months pregnant? I miscarried at 4 months and my dr told me to wait at least 3 months before I got pregnant again, which I did.

If he was 4.5 months old, whenever you are ready it should be alright. A lot of drs will say to give your body a year to heal. I've heard it takes that long for you hormones to regulate. If you had a c-section you probably should wait that long.

Christine - posted on 03/10/2011

10

0

1

First and foremost.. I'm so sorry for your loss.. Secondly.. Your body needs at least a year and a half to build back up it's fat and other resources to build another healthy child. Give your body some time even though you may want to have another right away... Once you can come to terms with the loss of your first child then you will be ready to devote yourself to a new baby.

Ashleigh Jade - posted on 03/10/2011

774

18

177

Im so sorry for your loss. You are a strong woman, i dont think id consider getting pregnant again if id loss one of my children.

Best of luck, and once again im sorry to hear about your son.

Stifler's - posted on 03/09/2011

15,141

154

604

when you both decide you're ready to deal with another pregnancy and baby xxx

Laura - posted on 03/09/2011

16

64

0

Well first discuss this with your partner. Its up to you two on how soon. Work together through the first grief and look to the future.

[deleted account]

Take some time for both you and your husband. You'll know when the time is right to try again. Relax and trust yoruselves.

Michelle - posted on 03/08/2011

485

19

95

I say if you can you husband strongly believe that you want another child right away I would take to your doctor and make sure your body is ready

Christa - posted on 03/08/2011

5

15

0

jennifer, i so agree with you.and the others too on that its our choice, ect. bodily wise tho, i wonder if its good to be pg right away again?

Louise - posted on 03/08/2011

5,429

69

2321

Christa I am so sorry, nothing I can say can soothe your pain I am sure.

All I can say is you still have time at 38 so don't feel that time is running out and rush into another pregnancy. You need to grieve first and get your mind around another pregnancy. Your partner also needs to be 100% ready for the idea too as pregnancies are very stressful. When you feel ready then try again but take time to heal first. Big hug sent to you.xx

[deleted account]

I'm so sorry for your loss!

Whenever you are both ready. I think you need to take time to grieve first, but how much time is really a personal thing and entirely up to the both of you.

Joan - posted on 03/07/2011

454

10

154

i am so sorry for your loss.i had a miscarriage and i know that after that nobody could have told me when i should try again,because i was afraid to try. i feared going thru that again. i can only say you will have to consider your age but listen to your heart as well. i wish you and yours the best.
hugs
joan

[deleted account]

Christa, I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

I really think this is a question only you and your partner can answer. There are so many factors you need to take into account. My personal opinion is that it would not be wise to rush into something after such a tragedy, but, as I said, that can only be decided by you and your partner.

Vanessa - posted on 03/07/2011

754

31

139

oh dear :( how/why u lost him has a lot to do with it in my opinion. My bubba girl is 4.5mths and I can't imagine wanting another so quickly if anything happened to her.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms