We only argue when his kid is around :/ How do we fix it??

[deleted account] ( no moms have responded yet )

We have been seeing each other for a little over two years and are trying to save up to get married. He was introduced to my daughter before I was introduced to his. My daughter is 5, turning 6 in November and his is 2, turning 3 in November. He has always been pretty adamant about my daughter minding, ie not having to tell her to do something more than once, eating her food, talking back etc etc. Which I 100% agree with and have let him get on to her when he feels like I need backup. My daughter is very strong willed and very very smart for her age. I feel like I stay on top of it and make sure she is respectful and polite and I discipline her when needed by time out or taking something away. Am I perfect? No. Is my child perfect? No. But the point is, is I feel like I do a pretty good job at raising her to be respectful. Then enters his child. Very sweet girl. Love her to pieces. My only problem is that everything he has ever preached to me, he certainly doesn't do with his own child. When his kid is crying, it's automatically someone else's fault. And she constantly whines and he doesn't stay on top of it like he expects me to with my child. He says its because his is only 2 going on 3.... ok so when do you start getting on to her for whining??? He allows her to eat junk and if she doesn't eat what we've made her or what we've bought her, its no big deal. She still gets her sweets anyway. But if my child doesn't eat, oh I better follow through with "you don't get anything else if you don't eat whats on your plate". He and I are great together besides that. Its not good for us to fight and it's certainly not good for the kids. Every time I say something he automatically starts to compare our kids by saying "well yours does this and this or yours isn't perfect and you're worse than they are" etc... he's even gone as far as calling my daughter a brat right in front of her... TWICE. I just don't know what to do. I've heard blending families is hard work, but where do I start?? Please help! We probably wouldn't fight if I just kept my mouth shut but I feel like he lets his get away with everything because he only sees her maybe twice a week. What do I need to do to make this situation better? Also, I do understand there is an age gap. But his daughter is also very smart for her age. She knows what no means and what be nice means and she shouldn't be allowed to talk back to adults. I understand that you approach them differently. But I don't feel like he corrects his at all hardly. And when he does, she starts this pouty thing and it gets him everytime.... I just want to know if there is light at the end of the tunnel and what we can do. :( Thanks in advance.

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