We told our 21 year old son he's no longer welcome in our home

Karin - posted on 05/03/2014 ( no moms have responded yet )

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We thought we had a good life. I met my husband in college when I already had my son from a previous relationship. My husband instantly became a great dad. We married and he adopted my son. Three years later we had a son together. My older son seems to have always had challenges and behavior was definitely one if them. Finally after many years of struggling with him to do everything, we couldn't ignore the anger issues any more. After going to a psychologist, he was diagnosed with ADD and ODD and was prescribed adderall xr. What a difference! However, fast forward to college and the problems began again. Now my son withdrew from college and is back home. He started stealing from us and his younger brother. At first we didn't realize but the amounts grew. After having parties at our house while we were out of town and having our home trashed more than once, we had enough. One day, he was acting crazy and I called the police. They brought him to the hospital for screening and decided to admit him to a psychiatric hospital. There he seemed to get clean and was more respectful to us. He even said how weed is the root if all of his problems. After discharge we let him move back home. Probably a mistake. The irrational behavior returned. So did the stealing, sense of entitlement, lack of motivation, and trouble with the law. Now my son has an arrest record and is waiting for the next court date to find out the consequence of that arrest. My husband and I are miserable in our home. Our younger son is asking how much longer his older brother has to stay here. Even after the yelling and fighting, we allowed our older son to stay in our home. We did however remind him that if anything was stolen, he was out. Well, it really was just a matter of time before things were missing. It started with xbox games, then the controller, then I found an empty gift card sleeve belonging to my younger son in my older sons room. That was the straw that broke the camels back. For a $50 gift card, my son sold it and got $30. No remorse for his actions, just the same angry attitude like we owe him for not disclosing that he was adopted and how we treat him differently than our other son. Oh yes, he recently got in touch with his biological father. They get high together. My son has been out of our house for a week but still shows up to shower. I don't know where he is staying. It could be in the woods. He worked today so he asked if he could shower today. My husband has had enough and doesn't want him in the house even to shower. So I'm at odds with my husband too. The reason my husband is totally against my son in the house at all is because someone tried to get into our home yesterday while we were at work. My son called me to tell me he was on our back porch charging his phone and he got mad and kicked the door which set off the alarm. My husband said he's lying because the motion sensor was going off. Not the door alarm. The police came to our house and searched. It's a big problem in our town where house are robbed during the day.
This is such a mess. I don't even know which direction to turn anymore.
Please help!
Karin

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