Well, here I am in Portland, Oregon ..I've been here a year and a half now and, I still haven't made any friends.

Paulina - posted on 01/28/2013 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My son does not come to see me hardly ever. I read a lot of these readings and I understand their pain I to do not have a good solid warm, loving and caring relationship with my kids like I would want. However, I have noticed something and I am not going to follow their behavior and this is it A lot of the Mothers say, "Oh, my Daughter won't talk to me etc. this might be true - but, is there anything they could possibly be doing to push them away. Because, I see that with myself, I've been hurt in some real bad ways by my Mother - oh, she didn't intentionally want to hurt me but, she is a adult child of an alcoholic father. ACA avoid conflict they do not like conflict ..and pretty much that's pretty normal but, they don't confront ever so, us kids growing up in our family of origin did what ever we wanted and she never grounded us ...I was a wild teenager...drugs, promiscuity, shop lifting the whole bit. Oh, I don't do any of those things now, I learned to stop on my own because, they were not going to help me. There was no talking about any of this stuff in my family of origin, nothing about men, nothing about drugs, smoking, pregnancy, stealing just you shouldn't be doing that. I think I heard that with the shop lifting....However, I needed some real direction, encouragement, structure I ditched school often, oh, I buckled down in my senior year and raised my grades from D's to B's. It didn't make any difference they never said anything complimentary. When I got my AA I didn't even go to the graduation because, I thought, big deal...now what? My younger sister killed herself on drugs, she was married at 16 and they did drugs together, then he died in a motorcycle accident and her drug use continued. So, I married a man who was a sex addict he wanted to swing all the time. Oh, I was ripe for that kind of relationship because, of my promiscuity earlier in high school I didn't expect anything more from those guys, my parents didn't seem to think in agreement because, it wasn't till quite sometime went by before my Dad confronted me and we got in this physical fight and he called me a slult. That was are talk. So, this guy I married he was 12 years older than me I was 19 and had 2 kids with him. Well, he used me to get other women. He said if you practice sexually a lot your sex will get better because, after I had kids it wasn't the same. Maybe, I realized red flags w/ him and didn't know what to do about it. At that time no one talked about sex addiction or, knew about it. So, I also ended up doing dancing for money,which, my husband wanted me to do to make money, he was the dance manager...at bachelor parties. I had a breakdown after 13 years an abortion oh, it was my ex's but, I could not take it anymore and left. Parents did not support me after, make a long story short - my kids were stripped from me only this time it was not clothes it was my kids by the very family that was suppose to support me. I put them there to get out of this bad neighborhood move out but, ex still wanted to swing and I said forget it ...I've had enough of this. But, then I lost my kids at his sisters and my Mother. I was of course, heart broken with no one, extreme insomnia, headaches....went on medication, therapy. I needed treatment for post traumatic stress syndrome never got it. After sister killed herself, got involved w/ an alcoholic he was abusive left him after 7 years, Went to school for library Technical Assistant didn't do anything w/ it. Can't hold a job on disibillity, meds, healthy though, but can''t have relationships w/ no one to hurt I hurt back get critical. Not extremely just enough where I drive people away. Kids ignore me...think I'm mean or weird. I don't think or know if I'll ever get better. Paulina I have a dog and 3 cats they keep me company to a certain extent. What do you think I need to do Yes, I am spiritual.

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Ashley - posted on 01/28/2013

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Portland sometimes gets overlooked as it is often gets overshadowed by Seattle as the Northwest's premier city.

Paulina - posted on 01/28/2013

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And I just notice how many of them there are, I don't want to hear about some stupid tv show. Jeez, get with the program. I don't want to sound mean but, no one else got that response I'm sure they mentioned where they might reside, and the only feedback I get is all this talk about a tv program. It makes me think about where your heads are at...trivial matters, not what really matters to people. I'm sorry I'm kind of shocked by the response it must be something I said, that you skirt around the real issue here anyways my Daughter just called me from Illinois, Chicago area( and please don''t start talking about gangsters, or the Donahue and Opray show who where they got their start before going to New York). I left a whole bunch of messages on her phone, because if I came there for a visit she said, where are you going to stay. I said, well Holly, Carolyn (sister 1 yr. older) she stays at your house when she comes from California,, because part of the reason I'm having trouble with my kids is that right around when my Mother was dying from lung cancer I took care of her, eventhough, we were not getting along. Because you remember I said, I lived for 7 years with this alcoholic well, she liked him not sexually or anything just his kind of demeaner a lot of older women liked him, but when I broke up with him and it was difficult because, many times I tried to but, we would get back together. I lived on the lower floor apartment and he'd see the windowand come in but, that only happened once most of the time it was my Mother, she would let him in her house and for awhile he lived there because, she wanted us to get together again. So, I'd avoid her house but, it was weird, I told her I did not appreciate her doing this that, she is enabling his alcoholism. Oh, yea, he reminded her of her Dad see, and she thought he was a happy drunk like her Father(cheated on her Mother), but she is understanding of him because, she did not like her Mother. She ended up in a mental institution, I met her once out of my 2 sisters - I went with my Mom when around I was 7 or 8 yrs of age. From what I remember, the feeling was tense, I sensed anger intense anger ...her Mother was not that happy to see her. However, when I look back at that their wasn't a lot of talk I remember, I can understand why she might of been mad because, my Mother when we girls were young never visited her. She just forgot her, what I know about her is that she had a son who was severely disabled physically, mentally and my Mothers Dad talked her into putting him in a home she didn't want to, but he said he was thought everything revolved or something around this kids needs. So, she did. The home said, stay away for awhile he has Alfred(?) has to get acclimated to his new home..right. So,she did reluctantly well, bad news, Alfred wouldn't eat at all, and they told her after he starved himself to death. So, then she tried to drown herself in Lake Michigan (Chicago). I heard she experienced some brain damage, because,after she was rescued. She would kind of walk around, I think, one time she might of gotten lost or, was gone for a long while and some one found her. Now, when I was growing up my Mom associated with my Mom's Mothers sisters, my Aunts - 2 of them, and I heard stories that (much later when I was older) that she might of been sexually molested whatever, you know, by the Father. Never knew him there's stories I think that he tried to kill himself to because, well it might of been my Mothers, Mothers, Mother's Father,(not sure) well one of them worked at that railroad and he got run over by a train there. So,it's just speculation, not sure no one knew for sure I guess. Well, so ..I never heard my Aunts going to see their sister Helen my Moms Mother. So, I'm thinking everyone just ignored her, and that very similar to what's going on with my life because, I heard from my Mother that the reason she did not like her Mother was that she was always depressed or something. Of course, that might be true back then there wasn't the medications we have now anti-depressants so, still why didn't my Mother be nice to her when she was really old and probably alone in that institution. I remember, when we saw her she was in a room by herself no one else by the window..light coming through. She seemed coherent and everything ...I think I remember a smile from her. So, what I'm saying, I was depressed, better much better now, I don't think that will ever happen again Paxil puiled me out of a deep depression. Serotonin reuptake anti-depressants they cam out in the middle 90's I think, because initially few years back nothing was really effective. So, now, look at me - I'm alone kids don't get along with me, my son does, but he's not really having anything to do with me much because, his wife does not like me over something that happened, well to be honest, I had 2 out bursts one was at my Mom and she saw it. I apologized to my Mom I was crying and everything because, taking care of her was extremely difficult she said to me once, ":What good are you you can't even hear"). I can hear well with hearing aids but, I might of just been busy or whatever. Oh, I forgot to say when I did break up with that alcoholic after 7 years, she kept on having a relationship w/ him, not sexually, I was really angry it took me a lot of guts to finally stick to my resolve, and she doesn't even recognize my efforts. So, I was extremely angry we'd get into some bad fights yelling, she'd label me this diagnosis over and over again ...I'm not going to mention what it is. Because, I do not like labels also, yea, I might have some of the characteristics of this diagnosis but, I think the reason I really sometimes give mixed messages to people I'm trying to have a relationship with women, mailnly women right now, is unresolved hurts from the past. So, some times I may say something critical to someone that I feel is attacking me or, I may stick up for myself rightfully so in some situations, but am to angry where it's not to the degree inrelation to the offense. Over angry it really depends on the situation. But, I have a couple of close friends women who I speak to and I can be honest about my feeling with them, they know me and understand some of the things that have had a effect on me negatively. I also go to 12 step groups Emotional Anonymous and Coda Codependents Anonymous. Thisi is getting to long...it just is that there's a pattern I see here, my sister Carolyn she has much more communication then I do and their my kids. She doesn't have any, nor, any relationship with any man ever, I can say only one and that really wasn't a relationship - she was to young and he was really old. That leads me to something else but, I have to wind this up. See the similarity with my Mothers Mother and me, her sisters didn't communicate with her, my Mother didn't see her either, just like w/ me w/ my sister. Anger and family patterns get passed on and on. I told both my Sister and Daughter this. So, what do you gals think and feel about this situation? PaulinaI don't want to hear about the show anymore. If you know what I mean.

Paulina - posted on 01/28/2013

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Hey, jeez, I write a whole long paragraph of my story and all you Mother's are talking about is the city I live in. Jeez, do I seem mean or something and you feel afraid I'm going to critisize what you say...say it. I appreciate honesty ..I really do. Paulina

Cindy - posted on 01/28/2013

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The Portlandia show portrays everyone there as granola slackers sitting around drinking coffee and listening to mopey NPR style music.

Paulina - posted on 01/28/2013

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Why are you commenting on that no, I did not see that show either heard about it but, I don't watch tv any more. My Mother use to have it on nonstop, her Dad was tv repair man. She'd have the tv on to keep her company, commercials really irritate me. To me it's a kind of reminder of our sick consumer driven society, face paced, not having time for anyone except work and making money to buy things like that's really going to make them for really happy. I guess, it would be different if you had a good job and that it was rewarding in other ways other than making money, like helping the world be a better place. To me Americans put to much value on glitz and not concentrating on the things you can't see. Spiritual and the kind of spiritual that requires alone time meditating and getting closer to the things within yourself that are hidden at that is only achieved by making your mind still ..slowing up the constant thinking and talking. Paulina

Cindy - posted on 01/28/2013

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I have watched a few episodes of the that TV series "Portlandia" but I am not sure if that is really an accurate portrayal of life in Portland.

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