well I have a 17 year old & recently found him in possesion of drugs & want to know what I should do?? I have confronted him taken his phone away...but should I send him to rehab??? We went for a drug test & he tested positive for speed & opiates!!!!

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Judy - posted on 02/21/2012

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We went through a lot of this with our son (he was actually selling drugs in our basement while on an ankle bracelet! We weave his story and ours throughout the book "Why Don't They Just Quit?" https://www.whydonttheyjustquit.com/



I think you would find it helpful. Also Love and Logic for Teens is GREAT! Let the consequences be the bad guy....not you!

Tmstaffon - posted on 02/01/2009

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Hi, I am young mom who in my late teens/early twneties messed around with alot of drugs. Part of me was hurting  inside and all i really wanted was for someone to listen and love me. I know that i would have benefitted tremendously from counseling. Fortunatley, I got myself out of the addiction alone as I realized that my road in life was headed in the worst direction possible. Now I look back on my experience and wish there was an easy answer, but everyone is different, and the person has to truly want to get clean in order for there to be a chance at rehab. But I do believe that counceling could be a great idea, at least to get downt to the bottom of why he is wanting to use. Don't push him away, this will only make him want to use more...this was in my case anway. But he is young and has alot of potential to succeed. Now I am a complete 180 from what i was when i was younger, Im a happy mother in a stable job and great relationship. There is always hope and Im sure you guys will prevail.

Claire - posted on 02/01/2009

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hi Rockilynn,

i understand the situation your in my older sister and a few of my friends have ongoing battles with drugs i have helped my sister through cold turkey and it is not something i would recommend you do with out professional help i have found over the years that no matter how much you try 2 help or even force them away from drugs unless they are willing and wanting to sort the problem out for themselves and no one else, they will always find a way 2 continue 2 take drugs i have found though that tough love is also good but dont start something that you wont have the will power 2 continue it is something that will take a long time to conquer and there will be times where he will relapse and he will start taking drugs again so you need to be prepared for that i hope this was of some use 2 you my advice will always be 2 seek proffesional help where you can but be there 2 listen 2 him there will b a reason he started this in the first place but dont blame yourself remember no one forced him 2 do this xxx

Judy - posted on 02/01/2009

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I was there, but nothing my husband & I did got through to him I ended up turning him in and he was sent to a place for 6 months and that did it.

LuAnne - posted on 02/01/2009

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I have a 17 year old son, and have not had to go through anything like this as of "yet". Unlike many other mothers, I am not in denial and am aware that this can happen and am always trying to stay in tune with what is going on. I am grateful that so many of you have responded to Rockilynn. I agree with all of you! I wasn't the best teenager, and I agree you must stop it ASAP.

Pati - posted on 02/01/2009

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First off, hang in there and congrats for looking into it and not sweeping it under the rug.  Both of his drugs of choice are very addictive on their own, combining is always worse. I am not sure what resources you have available in your state or city, rehab is certainly the route I would take at his age you may only get one chance to get him in there. 



I have 2 short stories, my nephew was getting into cocoa puffs and then huffing and his friends went to his parents, it was an older new friend that he was getting into this with.  They had him off to a hospital type rehab within days, he had no clue it was coming till they pulled in the driveway and said sorry son, we love you and you need help. My nephew was over the top angry; he felt that he was fine and they over reacted. He was there 45 days, at 16 and it killed his parents to do it, not just that he was there, but to go and be a part of the meetings and to have him cuss them out, He was angry with them for a for quite some time but now at 26 he says he knows they saved his life.



I busted my daughter at 14 for drinking and I believe trying speed or ecstasy, though I could never prove that part. I put her on complete lock down, other than school and cheer, which I went to every practice she was with me or at home. She lost everything, phone,tv,mp3 player, computer she was not even allowed to walk the dog alone. I walked her in to the school office and picked her up there the first week,  I got drug tests online that tested for everything even tobacco and she had to pee on demand. I told her if one came back positive ever again it was off to rehab for her and when she got out we would be living in a different city or state.  It was the longest 6 months ever, I could not go out with my friends either cause I was not letting her up off the punishment. After 6 months she had lost all her friends, from being out of the loop and she was doing good in school since that’s really all she had. I tested her up until this year, and I still have tests and she knows it. She’s 17 now and so far so good. She has told me since before she was off that 6 month restriction that she appreciated how much she mattered to me. In her words, thank you for giving up your life to save mine.



 



Good luck with him and don’t give up.



 

Kristina - posted on 02/01/2009

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I think you should not treat him harshly. Show him compassion and love. This is a very hard time for all of you. I would get him involved him rehab that you are apart of. When hooked on these types of drugs it will be hard for him to drop them alone. Take him away from his normal circles of friends and get him involved in groups that do fun stuff like doing a hobby. Or get him with some military groups that will train him to be a man and away from drugs. Physical fitness is one of the best ways to distract from being bored and back to bad habits. Get a hold of it before he leaves you when he's 18 always be loving when you only see darkness. Love will prevail. Good Luck it won't be easy. Don't give up! My prayers are with you!!

[deleted account]

Oh, if only I could go back to age 17, when I believe things began to happen.  Listen.  The first thing you should do is not to forget to take care of yourself and your family.  Don't let his addiction consume your life or he becomes your addiction.



I can remember people telling me "It's just a phase.  We all did it when we were younger."  I didn't but I knew people that did.  My son's curfew through high school was 11 p.m.  He always abided by it.  I would have never guessed he was smoking marijuana.  He was never very good in school, so I couldn't judge by that.  Apparently he went to school his senior year high 100 percent of the time, either from weed or "Roxies."  In our area, they hold "pharming" parties, where kids raid the parents medicine cabinets, place the pills in a bowl and pass them around.



The biggest mistake I made was covering up for him, believing what he was telling me, not investigating more and not making him responsible for his actions.  When he fell down, I picked him up, brushed him off and told him he could do it.  I paid for lawyers, and court fines, and a car.  I paid for a condo, and furniture and school.  He had a credit card, which he learned to buy things for people in exchange for drugs.  I gave and he took.  Had I let him feel the consequences early on, and not tried to shield him because I didn't want him to ruin his life, he may not have to take the journey he is on today.  Please read below.  Believe me, putting restrictions on your son and trying to control the situation, does not work.  The cell phone is just a minor deterent.  They find ways.  I learned the hard way.  There has to be a will on his own and some professional assistance.  Oxycodone is a powerful drug.  It is a synthetic heroin and it controls a persons mind.  It has a calling that is very strong.  A child does not know how to deal with that unless he is given the tools.  I suggest an intervention, even if it is court ordered. 



 



I wrote the note below about a week ago on my facebook page, just after I found out, and finally admitted that my son had relapsed.  He is 20, and had just got out of rehab in the beginning of September.  I did a one on one intervention with him in August and convinced him to go to rehab.  However, at the time, I thought it was marijuana and experimenting with some other drugs.  That is all he tested positive for at the time.  That is what he admitted to having a problem with.  I did the intervention because his life was spiraling downhill with arrests and he looked like a walking skeleton.



 



After rehab, he came back to live with me, under my terms.  He was to go to meetings, to church and was not allowed to hang out with old friends.  He abided by those terms to the tee.  He went to meetings EVERY DAY.  I drove him myself.  He did his community service.  He went to church EVERY Sunday.  He never left my sight except to do community service and to take a class or two.  He was also using by the time October 27th rolled around and although the signs were there, I wasn't ready to admit it.  His supplier makes deliveries.  When there is a will or a burning desire, there is a way.  Finally, when we discovered a lot of jewelry missing and he had overdrawn bank accounts and credit cards, it became blatantly apparent, a relapse had occured.  Not just yesterday, but two months before on a continuing basis.  How devastated I was.  How sick my boy is and I didn't even know.



 



HAVE YOU EVER?


 





 





 






Have you ever loved someone so much it hurt? Have you ever saw so much potential in someone you cared about, you'd go to the ends of the earth to help that person see that potential? Have you ever looked into someone's eyes and seen through the wall he's put up to hide from the pain, and reached out to that person, but he was so far gone you couldn't touch him. Have you ever wished you could turn back the time and see what went wrong along the way, and wondered what you could do to make everything better? Have you ever looked back and just said, Lord, please just one more chance to make it right? Have you ever turned that person over the Lord and said take him Lord, he's yours. And the next day, the mother in you said, "but he's mine, I can do it on my own." Have you ever looked at the person you loved and cared for for 20 years and known something was wrong, but your heart couldn't let you believe it? Have you ever cushioned that blow for that person so many times out of love you are left with nothing but a torn cushion, and still the person that you love is broken? This is what the drug addiction of my son has done to me. I love my son with every bone in my body. I know that he loves me, but his addiction has, and continues to take over, not only his life, but mine as well. As we both go through this trying time, I seem to suffer most, feeling the wrath from others he has harmed and who judged me because I cannot judge this son that I love so much. This, to all that care, is what I am going through. I have given my all, and my all wasn't good enough.





My son has an addiction to oxycodone, something I have never had experience with.  I didn't know when someone's pupils are pin point, they are probably using.  Or let me rephrase that, I didn't admit that my son was using.  I knew in my head because I researched it.  My heart wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt.





My son is back in rehab at a very hefty cost.  But it is his credit and not mine.  I know he will never be allowed back in my home and I don't have much hope of his staying clean and sober for very long.  I know I did not cause this.  I know I cannot cure it and I know, believe me I know, I cannot control it.  But it still leaves a very big hole in my heart because he was one of my best friends. 





On his way to rehab I asked him what made him try drugs, when he knows his father is an alcoholic and he was suseptible to addiction.  His answer was "I knew not to try alcohol.  I tried marijuana and then pills because everyone was and I wanted to fit in.  I liked them and they liked me.  Now I'm an addict for life, whether I like it or not."  Plain and simple.  Still doesn't hurt any less.





 



 

Gaynor - posted on 02/01/2009

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yes agree get him into some sort of program but not necessarily counselling he is 17 he will rebel against counselling or any adult that he can see is telling him what to do( parents counsellers, rehab any1 that means something to him) being 17 he is what we see as being borderline child/adult(always are child) but to him he is an adult and he cant see past that he is an adult and can do everything for himself he need to be shown a path although drugs are easy to get and they make him feel as if he is an adult becos he is making the decision to take the drugs, that choice is easy at 17 becos it makes you feel invincile and it is his choice, he needs to be shown what is out there that he can make his choices about, it is gonna be hard and is hard everyday for him, becos the only choice he has at the moment is to take drugs or not to take drugs and the drugs make him feel good and at 17 that is nt a bad place to be, although we know it is a really bad decision to take drugs it is his decision and he feels he is old enough to take that decision unfortunatly with drugs once they have got addicted, and taken the decision to take drugs of any kind there is no turning back except for a strong will and and a good support network.

Tracie - posted on 02/01/2009

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Rehab is an excellent idea, but be very careful on which one you choose.  There are so many of them that are not Christian based and that is exactly what he is going to need.  He also needs to get counseling to help him understand why he is using and deal with any underlining issues that you may or may not know about.  He has to want help and even if he gets it and does not confront his other issues he will only begin using again when he can not cope with what life brings him.  I will keep him and your family in prayer. Trust God!

Jamie - posted on 02/01/2009

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Definately get him into a treatment program while you still have legal control over his actions. I've spent the past 2 years fighting to get my son into a program for his addiction, It wasn't until he overdosed on heroin that he finally agreed to go to a residential program... PLEASE do not allow him to convince you he does not need treatment. Drugs users are the best liars and will do or promise anything to avoid corrective measures. You have to nip this while you still have some say so over his affairs. My son was 21 years old and refused treatment for years.

Isabell - posted on 02/01/2009

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I can imagine what your going through.  My son at the age of  17 was found with drugs.  He told me it started at 15 years old.  i could not believe it. I felt sick for the longest time. Then i decided to smarten up and help my son because it was beyond his control.  I spoke to the Dr.  Really pushed him to go counseling.  Did everything in my power took the car away stopped cooking for him stopped doing laundry.  His life was miserable I was dying inside but did not show it. Even to the point of finding a foster home for him since he didn't want to live by our house rules.  At night I would cry.  In the day I would keep both my feet on the ground.  Today he is 23 and in his own way  he thanks me Be strong and don"t  give up he needs your love more then ever now

Sarah - posted on 02/01/2009

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absolutetly rehab......inpatient somewhere because he's 17 and u can do that now....if it gets serious once he's 18 it's all his choice....good luck-sorry to hear that

Cheri - posted on 02/01/2009

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you need to send him to rehab as soon as possible!I was a teenage addict and it is a very hard road to go down..I have 4 great kids and a marriage of 11 years now...I KNOW that with time and prayers it will all work out!Keep strong and whatever you do ,DO NOT ENABLE by giving into his requests for money.Sometimes ,tough love is the BEST thing to do!I would support him in rehab and go to ALL of the meetings for family members.I would also monitor his froends because they are the BIGGEST enablers of all!!!Good luck and GOD bless you!cheri

User - posted on 02/01/2009

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Yes, some kind of help is needed here.  I speak from experience.  My stepson started with drugs and became addicted wich in turn led to a criminal lifestyle of stealing and breaking into peoples houses looking for drugs or money or stuff he could hawk for money.  Now he is in jail.  Consider yourself fortunate for knowing and that you can get him the help he needs.  It was too late for us, cause we just was in so much denial.

Sarah - posted on 02/01/2009

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I can relate to you in many ways other then one of my children doing those things.  That doesn't make much sense but when I was around that age it sounds alot like me. I've over come those issues now after several years of struggling and many rock bottoms. My mom tried many things including kicking me out, rehab, turning me in to the police, and getting a restraing order on me. In a way I'm glad I went through that since it gave me experience and knowledge of what to look for, but in the same sense it wasn't a good time for me. Thinking back now the best thing my mom could of done would of been to move me far away. Sounds dramamtic but it didn't matter what she did to push me the right way, I pushed back even harder. You should evaluate his friends and social life and see where he's getting his drugs from. He will probaly be very upset and mad at you for doing that but you need to know who's supplying him so you can keep them apart from each other if possible. I would go to any extreme needed to keep my kids off and away from those things. Some therapy could be good only if he's willing. If he's not willing then he will either be really mad about going or play into it and tell you what they want to hear. It's a bad world when you are using drugs, I've known of several people who have overdosed and died. I think one of the things that influenced me to experiement with drugs was not being involved in activities or sports and lack of self esteem. I feel for you with what you are going through and only now know what I put my mom through. Good luck and remember that GOD has a plan, and don't give up on GOD or your son. Alot of love towards your son would be a good thing as well.

Tiffany - posted on 02/01/2009

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Hi im a young new mom but I used to use drugs before and honestly It just took me a little time of using them and being around those people to realize It was a dead end road... and that there Is mso much more to life... especially now that I have my little boy... I have a good friend who has been in and out of rehab and It helped but he always went back..It just took him growing up! the only advice I can give from the younger persons perspective Is to stay positive.... If you are negative with him It mite drive him to be rebelious.. let him know that he Is growing up and that he can make own choices soon... but stand firm. "your house..your rules"  Good hope that helps some

Kris - posted on 02/01/2009

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I feel really bad about your situation.  I deal with kids everyday with the same issues (juvenile probation officer).  I know it's hard to deal with.  Part of you wants to think it's a 1 time deal and the other part blames yourself (which by the way, this is NOT your fault).  If your son tested positive for opiates, that can run anywhere from prescription meds (morphine) to herion.  First take him to an established drug and alcohol agency.  They will evaluate him and let you know what the next step should be, whether counseling or inpatient rehab.  I've watched so many valuable lives go down the drain due to drugs.  You might try support groups for yourself if you have those in your area, if not, you can find them online also.  Kim is right in regards to rehab only works if he wants help.  Taking his phone is a nice start but if his use is bad, you might start seeing things disappear from your home as well.  Many addicts steal things to support their habit.  You might also talk to his friends parents (depending on how close you are to them).  Your son is doing it with someone, you have to find out who and stop communication with them.  Monitor his whereabouts.  He's going to get pissed at you but better mad than dead.  I really hope this helped at least a little.

Nicole - posted on 02/01/2009

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You should really get him into some form of drug counseling!!! If that is rehab, I'm not sure, but definately counseled by some form of drug counseling expert. Speed and opiates are very addictive and people almost always need help to stop using them. My brother was a teenager when he started doing those kind of drugs and he has struggled with drug use for the past 10 years. My mother thought she could ignore the signs, that it was just a phase, and now wishes she would have done things differently. I am not saying that your son is an addict and please forgive me if I have offended in anyway, I'm just telling you that those drugs are addictive and it is very important that you take the right steps NOW. I hope you have a much better experience than the one my mother and brother have faced. Please let me know if there is anything else you'd like to know, because I have seen all that my brother has had to go through to be sober now.

Farrah - posted on 02/01/2009

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Hi Rockilynn. The best advice I can give you is to intervene right away. These specific drugs are extemely addicting and he could lose control of the habit very fast. Luckily my daughter is 9 and I don't have these problems..yet...and hopefully never. I know at least 4 people who have died of an overdose, it is a very sad and terrible thing. I watch the show "Intervention" all the time, it's on A&E on Mondays at 9 and 10pm. A good place to start is on aetv.com, just go to the "intervention" page and they should have links or phone numbers you can call for advice. If you do an intevention or send him to rehab, he may hate you and be very angry for a while, but in the end he will thank you. The last thing you want is an accidental overdose. Move if you have to. Best of luck to you and your son.



 



Farrah

Kimberly - posted on 02/01/2009

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Rockilynn,



I am so sorry to hear about your son. I am in a similar position, my 20 yr. old daughter has had long term drug problems. Rehab is a great idea, but only if he is wants help. Otherwise it is a waste of time and resources. I wish I had an answer for you, but all I can do is offer support.

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