what affects does abuse have on your childern? ( the mother being abused by theyr father)

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Krista - posted on 04/04/2012

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Do you have legal counsel. If not, contact legal aid right away to see if you can get a family lawyer to take on your case. If you can prove that he abuses drugs and alcohol, and that he was abusive towards you, then NO sane judge would give him sole custody. Ask his aunties if they'd testify for you. Do you have a record of hospital visits from when he hurt you? Photos of bruises? Is your daughter old enough to corroborate any of this? Dig up as much evidence as you possibly can and as many witnesses as you possibly can. In the meantime, make sure your own life is in order as much as possible. Where are you living? Do you work? The more respectable and self-sufficient you appear, the better your case.



I also repeat my advice to contact the Domestic Abuse hotline. They may know of lawyers or women's advocacy centres in your area who could help you.

Krista - posted on 04/04/2012

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It absolutely affects children. And not in a positive way. Children who grow up in abusive households have a MUCH higher chance of growing up to be abusive (or abused) themselves. Why? Because children learn what they see. And if they see their mother being abused by their father, then that is what they will know.



In many cases, the children will first turn against the father, for being the abuser. But as years go on, it is not unusual for the children to start turning against the mother -- scorning her for being so "weak" as to put up with abuse for so long. I've heard of sons starting to sympathize with the father, and even starting to abuse their mother themselves. And needless to say, it's then not a stretch for these kids to wind up in abusive relationships themselves.



If you're speaking about your own situation, I would hope that this is not what you want for your children. So if you haven't gotten out already, please contact the National Domestic Abuse hotline to find out how you can get out of that situation and teach your kids that abuse is NOT normal, and that nobody should live like that.

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THOMASENA - posted on 05/08/2013

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I have been married to my abusive husband for almost ten years and I want the cout to give me lageal separation although we signed papers and agreement , he tore much up and I still got some from april 2012 and march 2013 on us being separated, his abusing drugs and an agreement on paying me 200 each week in spousal support. the problems is not he threatened to stab himself up if I leave and cry and say he feel like hurting himself but my social worker and doctor say he is all talk and no play. But things starting to heat up again. like he snatching stuff from me I didn't know was his and he telling me I am so damn nosy, he kicking me out the bed, he blocking me from leaving the house and also threatened to punch me in the face if I try to push pass him. I am afraid to call the cop cause he say he aint afraid of the cops and say if I call them he will kill me. "Bitch you would call the cop on me? I would kill you. call them, I dare you call them." so I don't. I just want to secretly get it done and be gone hiding somewhere safe. right now I need to go to an group to gain some strength and courage to stand up to him and not be afraid. help where can I go? cause my social worker gain me number to call but the problem is I am hard of hearing. help. he is not keeping up with the agreement. I am already behind in my bills and con Edison threaten to turn off my light but thank for friends I borrow money to pay the bill. I got section 8 and trying to get an transfer and waiting to go take classes for a job cause being home is sad. I need out of the house. I got friends but most work different shift 12 midnight to 7am, 4pm to 12 night. I have not talked to the family again cause they didn't understand why I took him back THE LAST TIME AND I REALLY NEED THEM NOW BUT THEY NEITHER CALL ME OR SEE ME BECAUSE OF HIM MY HUSBAND. HELP OR I WILL GO CRAZY. MY SON WILL BE GOING TO COLLEGE SOON AND THE REST ARE ALL GROW UP WITH THEIR LIVE. CHRIS IS AFFECTED THE MOST AND I READ HIS WRITING AND KNOW ME BEING ABUSED BOTHER HIM. BUT I WANT HIM TO GO AWAY FROM IT ALL AND BEFORE HE GO I WANT TO MOVE, GET AWAY FROM MY HUSBAND IF I COULD MOVE TO YONKER THAT IS FINE WITH ME. I JUST NEED TO GET AWAY FROM HIM. NO MORE BRUISE NO MORE WORRY ABOUT BEING POISONED, NO MORE WORRYING ABOUT HIM TRYING TO KILL ME AND COLLECT LIFE INSURANCE. HE FORGE MY NAME ON SOME LIFE INSURANCE PAPER TO COLLECT HALF A MILLION DOLLARS, BUT I TORED THAT UP. I DONT KNOW IF HE GOT AN NEW ONE BUT I AM WORRIED NOW. EVERY SINCE I MOVED WHERE I AM AT NOW HE STOP PAYING FOR CABLE, SO WE GOT NETFIX, HE STOP HELPING WITH CON EDISON NOW I GOT A BILL I CAN AFFORD TO PAY WITHOUT HELP. THANK FOR FRIENDS AND MY FATHER. MY FATHER IS OLD AND CAN NOT DEFENSE ME FROM HIM ALTHOUGH HE SAW SO MUCH IN MY HOUSE THAT WHY I AM GLAD HE MOVED OUT. HE DONT HAVE TO SEE THE HORRIBLE STUFF MY HUSBAND DO TO ME. BUT WE TALKS EVERY OTHER DAY AND I PROMISE MY FATHER I WILL GET AWAY AND I WANT TO HELP.

Melvina - posted on 04/04/2012

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I have been in a abusive relationship for 8yrs n I got kicked out with my daughterm he kicked me out cause I won't give sole custody of my boys, he has them, I am going 4 sole custody. He won't let me take them when he kicked me n my daughter out. My daughter isn't his so that's uy he kicked her out. He is drug user n a drunk. His mom keeps them the whole time. I just got papers saying that he is going 4 sole custody as will. It broke my heart that he is trying 2 do that 2 me n my kids. His aunties tell me things , every1 is scared of him. I mean every1!

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