What age to try for #2?

Coty - posted on 08/25/2011 ( 200 moms have responded )

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What is a good age (of your first child) to start trying for the second? Will having another baby help my daughter have more to focus on besides misbehaving? Yes, I understand that it will not make her behave, but will it help occupy her since she is the only child right now? Any opinions appreciated :))

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Amy - posted on 08/25/2011

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my kids are 10, 5 1/2 & 18 months old. We orginally wanted them to be 2 years apart. But that wasn't in the cards. I love the age difference. They each had plenty of time to be the baby & didn't feel threatened by the next baby. My 10 yr old is a big help with things as well!!!

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 08/25/2011

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I had my second son 7years later and I like it, he is able to help me out with things and I can focus on the baby more, since he is self-sufficient.

You will get mixed responses on when is a good time to have baby number two. Having kids back to back and years apart has both pros and “cons”

You just have to weight your options

Kathleen - posted on 08/25/2011

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Psychologists say BEFORE 2 or AFTER 3. My 2 are 3 years and 4 mths apart and it is going very very well... I think there would have been problems if I did it earlier.

Morgan - posted on 08/25/2011

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My daughter is 19 months and we started trying for number 2 at 18 months :) I'd like my kids to be closer in age as IMO it's easy to do things and entertain kids closer in age, she's at the age where I think she will be a great help with getting diapers wipes and small things like that, I would not have another baby to help distract your toddler, if she's already a bit unruly she may be worse as jealousy can also be an issue :) when you feel your ready go for it, but don't do it for any other reason then to expand a beautiful family :) good luck!!

Pamela - posted on 08/28/2011

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Psychologist say that the best age between children is 3 years. I suppose they say that because if you wish to give undivided attention to each child, by 3 years of age the major growth has been accomplished, ie teething, potty training, beginning speech, etc.

In my opinion it is when you personally feel ready or for those of us who don't try and simply allow nature to take it's course, whenever that sperm finds that willing egg! LOL! If you have 2 super fertile people that can be often.

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Sarah - posted on 09/07/2011

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my 11 year old daughter says that shes in a class with a bunch of popular girls and she HATES them shes in 6th and she is misrabel i was going to home school her this summer but she decide not to because she wanted friends and now she hates her school and teachers but i dont really no them but what ive heard not to fond of them and all of her classes got switched where she made friends and she knows nobody at that school but i dont think shes commited but she says she is what shouls i do!!

Barbara - posted on 09/07/2011

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My Mom had most of my siblings every 2 to 3 years apart until, number 5 then it was 4 years for the last 3. we were born starting in 1950 and ended in 1972. For the most part there were two different sets of kids. I got married before the last two were born and have 2 kids older than my youngest sister. I guess I'm trying to sayis, when you are ready, you will definately know. good luck.

Barbara - posted on 09/07/2011

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My Mom had most of my siblings every 2 to 3 years apart until, number 5 then it was 4 years for the last 3. We were born starting in 1950 and ended in 1972. For the most part there were two different sets of kids. I got married before the last two were born and have 2 kids older than my youngest sister. I guess I'm trying to say is, when you are ready, you will definately know. Good luck.

Zandra - posted on 09/07/2011

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Ok, so I have three sisters, I have a twin and then two older sisters.. the two older have always been so mean to Raissa and I, but Raissa and I got along so well.. I think its good to have two babies close to age so they have someone to play with so they aren't always getting into trouble. I have a bunch of friends that were an only child and they were always so lonely! So whenever you feel comfortable having another baby, then go for it:D I would of course talk to you OBGYN first and make sure your body is ready to carry another baby first tho! Good luck!

Cathie - posted on 09/07/2011

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My kids are just over 2 years apart and are now 12 and 14 - they are best of friends (older boy, younger daughter). The friends I have whose kids are far apart (like 5 years or more) have difficulties as they get older. ie: they don't want to go to the same movies, and amusement parks are nightmares - little one on kiddie rides, big one on roller coaster. When ages are closer together the kids can create similar interests. The younger the first one is the more flexible she will be with the introduction of another kid... the longer you wait the longer she experiences being an only child - then you may have brand new issues like: jealousy. If you know you want another - start trying - you'll have 9 months to get used to the idea.

Kristie - posted on 09/07/2011

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my husband and his older brother are 13 months apart. my two sisters are 2 years. my brother and I are about 4 years apart. there is 8 years between me and my sister and 10 years between myself and my youngest sister.

Tanya - posted on 09/06/2011

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This is personal to you and its up to you to decide. I have a 5 year gap in between mine children I wanted 2-3 year gap but I wasn't so lucky. Does your child go to daycare or does she interact with other children her age? As this may help to occupy her. Do you have rules and boundaries for her when she misbehaves?

Jaimee - posted on 09/06/2011

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mine are 18months apart and at times its really hard when you feeding and your toddler wants you for something and doesnt understand, but now the baby getting olders its great, i think if your not working its good having them close so you can spend heaps of time with them but if you working it might not be as good

Sarah - posted on 09/06/2011

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we have been wondering the same thing. We think our son acts up more often because he's bored... we're wondering if having another around will keep him entertained and out of trouble!! Ours is turning 2 in a couple of weeks and we're thinking we'll start trying for number two in another year! Good luck!

Adriana - posted on 09/06/2011

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There are so many ways to answer this ... I have 4 Kids. There is 20 months between the first 2. I was always tired by the end of the day and felt I didn't have much time for myself. I felt that was to close. My middle 2 are 3 years apart. I loved it. While the older one was in school my second child was always wanting to help with the baby. She wanted to help with every thing. She would go get the diapers and wipes for me. Or go get bottles. And as number 3 got bigger she loved playing on the floor with her. Now my youngest 2 are 6 years apart. I really loved having help from the older ones ... but they really spoil her. The spoiling drives me nuts.

Sheryl - posted on 09/06/2011

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My children are almost 2years apart, and it was not easy, but easier than if i would of waited for a longer period of time. I had one that was potted trained and off the bottle and then a newborn. But my son was also a very independent child that loved cartoons, and playing with his toys. He was well behaved. I am glad that i did it this way. They grew up close and still are at 24 and 26

Dorothy - posted on 09/06/2011

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I don't agree with you Nubian an eight year old and an eighteen month old is totally different and they want different things, one want to see one thing and the other wants to see something different, just like if you would take them to a carnival or something like coney Island in New York they want to ride different rides and with their ages the rides would be in a different location. and that would cause a problem. It sound like to me that you are punishing your older child to satisfy your younger one thats not fair either. so having children at close age is better for everyone not saying to the parents it will be hard to keep up with two little ones but once they get a little older it will be better.

Michelle - posted on 09/06/2011

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I always thought that 1 or 2 years age difference between children is nice as they are close enough in age to enjoy the same things together and my eldest 2 girls do exactly that on most ocassions (they are aged 8 and 6 years). However, I now have a baby who will be 1 year in a couple of weeks and my 2 eldest really enjoy helping to look after her and playing games with her just as much as they do each other so it's now difficult for me to say.

You also need to consider, when having a 2nd child, you could have a few problems with jealousy, though that can be from any age. When you do decide to have another child then involve your daughter as much as you possibly can but, at the same time, make sure your give her some time just for her so she doesn't feel pushed to the side or less important. I hope that makes sense.

Denica - posted on 09/06/2011

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Me and my husband waited till our oldest daughter turn 2. We wanted them to be close in age and also so that she could understand what was happening with mommy.

Joni - posted on 09/06/2011

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I found out (oops) I was pregnant when my son (#1) was 6months old !! I was scared to death because he never slowed down but after my daughter was born and became mobile they became the best of friends!!

[deleted account]

My personal opinion is that the ideal time to try to have another baby is 18 months to 3years. If you've been on a pill it may take longer to get pregnant a second time. Having a sibling to play with is wonderful, especially if they are pretty close in age, however I don't think it will help her misbehave any less. There are several causes for constant misbehavior that come to mind immediately, and may influence your decision to try to have another baby quickly or to try to wait. One is that your baby is just at an inquisitive age and is getting into mischief simply by exploring and in the process making lots of messes! When my son was about 16months he would make one mess and while I was cleaning up that mess he'd make another! I wouldn't call it misbehaving but it was unpleasant behavior - I'm so glad I wasn't preggo during that period. Now that he's 3 he's so much better about responding to verbal warnings instructions and he doesn't require constant cleaning-up after.
Another reason for constant misbehavior is understimulation - she may need more structure, routine and planned activities in her day.
Or there may be a physical reason, such as a food allergy or development disorder. It may be worth keeping a journal of,her issues and talking to your Ped. about it.

Marie - posted on 09/06/2011

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I don't think there is any perfect way... if you want to have another baby, go for it, if you don't feel ready, wait! There are so many joys and difficulties both ways. I have had 12 kids very close together and there are a lot of really good points and other things that are a lot of work-- follow your heart!

Vanessa - posted on 09/06/2011

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I fell pregnant with number 2 when my daughter was 8 months old. They r 16 months apart now and get along really well. Wouldn't change anything for the world!

Vanessa - posted on 09/06/2011

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I fell pregnant with number 2 when my daughter was 8 months old. They r 16 months apart now and get along really well. Wouldn't change anything for the world!

Cassidy - posted on 09/06/2011

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My kids are 2.5 years apart and it worked perfectly for us. My daughter was fully potty trained when her brother was born, so I never had two in diapers. She never displayed any major jealousy, and she was able to help me a bit (bringing me diapers, entertaining the baby, etc). My son is just about to turn one, and we plan to start TTC number 3 next summer, around his second birthday.

Honestly though, any age gap you choose will work for you. You will be surprised how quickly everything falls into place. the next baby will fit like a puzzle piece, and it will feel like they've always belonged. Good luck!

Kate - posted on 09/06/2011

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i wanted another baby at least 2 years apart if not 3, then the older child was already potty trained instead of having two in diapers

Rachael - posted on 09/06/2011

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I got pregnant with my 2nd when my oldest (daughter) was 2 1/2. She was nearly 3 1/2 when Sienna (#2) was born. This spacing has turned out great! Only 1 in diapers! My oldest (now almost 4) is a huge help! When we're driving and the baby is fussy, she will find the baby's binky and give it to her or entertain her to keep her from crying. She LOVES being a big sister and tells everyone that she is a big sister now. She has her moments when she's jealous of the baby but for the most part she's great! I say 3 yrs apart is the perfect spacing!

Kristie - posted on 09/06/2011

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my children are all 2 years apart. accidental but it seems to work out for them. My oldest is 8 and he helps his sister(6) with homework and such and now they are helping the youngest sister(4) and she has learned alot. I would say whenever you feel comfortable with having another child.

Alana - posted on 09/06/2011

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well ij always wanted to start trying for number two when number one was around 9-12 months old, so there would be an age gap of around 2 years or slightly less depending how long i took to drop on.
unfortunatly it didnt work out with my partner and now here i am 5 and a half years later and havent even started trying for number two yet. when we start trying our son will be 6, so nearly 7 when baby is born. personally i think this age gap is WAY too big (although my partner and his sister are 7 years apart, they get on well, but they arent exactly close) , and really wish i had been able to have two close together like i wanted to. so we are guna end up with three kids instead of the planned 2, because i so desperatley want two close together.
i think its all down to the individual family what age gap is right, but id say any more than 3 years in age of siblings is much too big really. x

User - posted on 09/06/2011

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NO a second child can make the misbehaving first - I would say that age 2 is about right -- I find siblings who are about 2 years apart are closer, however I know many parents are either happy with about a 2 year difference or about a 5 ---- I do suggest getting your daughter under control before having #2 or you will end up with 2 misbehaving - The second will learn from the first and a baby will not "occupy" an older sibling to not misbehave -- dont want this to sound mean, but maybe try different parenting strategies? obviously something is not working - toddlers misbehave, but should be at a level of being handleable and not looking for a second child to occupy them --- It reminds me of someone with a puppy who is acting up because they are bored so they get another puppy to keep the first one company - it only ends up in 2 dogs needing attention and training versus one (I know that is a horrible relation, but all I had)

Jay - posted on 09/06/2011

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I was told that I would have a hard time getting prgnant due to a retroverted uterus- HA! Two weeks after i had my IUD out I was thrilled to be pregnant.I ended up having a vertical C- section as he was breech and then told again -I would probably not get pregnant. When the first was 2 1/2 we tried again and sure enough 2 weeks later I was preggers. So Mine are 3 1/2 years apart- both boys and it worked out great and to this day they are extremely close. I would do it that way all over again!

Traci - posted on 09/06/2011

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My kids are 17 months apart and they are the best of friends. Yea the fight and argue sometimes but they really are best friends!

Stefania - posted on 09/06/2011

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start when she is around 2 yrs old.It can take a while or happen right away as you may already know.My oldest took 1 yr for me to get pregnant and my second happened the first night we tried.A 3 yr agae gap gives you the time you need to bond with your daughter and by the time she is 3 being a big sister will be something she can understand. my kids are 2 yrs and 9mths apart.when she starts school even part time it will give youi lots of time with the second assuming you work from home or are a sahm like me. good luck.wish you the best.

Minnietaz - posted on 09/06/2011

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i had my second child when my daughter was 3 just because i wanted my kids close in age so if u want ur kids to be close then have ur second one close to ur other kids age

Sanja - posted on 09/06/2011

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I think that you should not think what is easier for you, because the time flies away very fast, and children are growing faster than we can imagine. The most important is what is the best time for your first child, because she will be her sister or brother with who she will play and share toys and clothes, and space and with who she could share secrets and thoughts and who could be her best friend and support one day... opt. 2 years

Juliette - posted on 09/06/2011

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I think closer together is best like about 2 or 3 years apart. I am pregnant with baby number 2 at the moment and he will be 3 years younger than my 1st child. I think closer together is best as they will have more common interests and things like that as I have a brother 11 years older than me and we get on fine but when I was a child he was leaving home whilst I was in primary scahool so big gaps I don't like x

Tiffany Amber - posted on 09/05/2011

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Our two are 2 years and 1 week apart, and while having a baby has brought out more of our daughter's nurturing side, she is still quite determined, mischievous, and obstinate. And she won't leave her baby brother alone. Having a girl first, I think is harder because they want to "mother" the baby. Boys don't care as much until the baby starts getting into their things. Still, my older brother and I are 17 months apart (not planned), and we've almost always been close. My husband and his older sister are 1 year and 9 months apart, and they have a great relationship too. I think if you go more than 2-1/2 or 3 years, you're looking at too far of a gap for the kids to be good friends.

Joanie - posted on 09/05/2011

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i think no more than 3 yrs apart or they are already at totally different stages. my oldest is 5, then 2, then 7mo..so my first just turned 3 when my second was born, which made it nice because he was old enough to have an understanding of what little brother meant and was eager to help and wanted a playmate. he was a huge help with feeding and changing and just a great big brother. then i was pregnant with my daughter when my second was 13 months old, so he was a few months shy of hitting his terrible twos. not sure if it was his personality or what, but i dont think he got to be the "baby" long enough! he was not happy at first and took every opportunity to try to hit or push her or just be kind of a bully. now that she is a little bigger he is ALOT better! thank goodness! but my oldest is in kindergarten this year and his little brother misses him all day, he has no one to play with but the baby. im figuring the younger two will get closer until he starts school but hopefully they will all be close!

[deleted account]

I agree with both Amys...my girls are 4 years apart and it works well. That extra year from age 3-4 helped tremendously. My oldest started to become self-sufficient, petty and dressing all by herself. A great plus with cranky/colicky baby #2! Had they been closer in age I would be on heavy medications right now, lol!

[deleted account]

I agree with both Amys...my girls are 4 years apart and it works well. That extra year from age 3-4 helped tremendously. My oldest started to become self-sufficient, petty and dressing all by herself. A great plus with cranky/colicky baby #2! Had they been closer in age I would be on heavy medications right now, lol!

Kelly - posted on 09/05/2011

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i had my son when my daughter was 4 and she loves helping with him plus she is in preschool so it is easier to split time with both children

Monica - posted on 09/05/2011

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My first two are 20 months apart. Both girls. Then the next three are all 14 months apart which means the baby was 5 months old when I became pregnant. My 4th was just over two when the 5th was born. There is no perfect spacing. Really up to what you are willing to rise too and how much help you have or need. My husband works 6 days a week 12 hour shifts so he is home very little. I like to be insanely busy and this has worked really well for me. Kids are great! Have as many as you can as fast as possible! They are going to love you for it! But you have to be ready for a lot of hard work! Don't wait.

Amy - posted on 09/05/2011

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I have 13, 10 and 5, may youngest was my buddy when my older kids were gone and it was nice to enjoy that time. But they are all close and everyday I get up and hear them laughing or fighting I feel so blessed they are not alone. Don't wait to long........

Jo Ann - posted on 09/05/2011

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Really feel like about 1 1/2 years. Our three were each 2 years apart. Yes it was hard, yes it was hectic. But they are 12,14,16 now and get along so well. As they were growing, they had each other to talk to. When there is too much time in between they have nothing in common and don't get along as well. I came from a family of 4 and we were each 2 years apart, and I loved it, tho my sister was 5 years older than I and we had nothing in common!

Vanessa - posted on 09/05/2011

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Everyone is going to like there way better than others. Mine are 8 years apart and loved that. I could give all my attention to my daughter and had a really close relationship with her. She didn't have to feel like she had to fight for my attention or my time. She was it. Then when i had my son I felt I could focus on him more because my daughter was old enough where she didn't need me as much.

Penelope - posted on 09/05/2011

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I had five children and they were 2 years apart each. They are, to this day, the best of friends. They each enjoyed helping take care of the new baby as they came along. I found it a good age difference because they would play with each other and had things in common.

Angela - posted on 09/05/2011

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anytime that works for your family :D mine are 11 months apart and that works well for us, but wouldnt for a lot of people, its been hard work but well worth it, am planning the next to be about 18months after the youngest, on the other hand I have a friend with 6 kids and a 20year gap between the oldest and youngest and that was perfect for her... so whatever works! :D

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