what am i doing wrong? spoiled brat or more?

Lea - posted on 04/02/2014 ( 14 moms have responded )

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I have an almost 5 year old son who, i am sure like all kids, has bad days, but I am dealing with a little more than that. I have been trying to "figure out" what is wrong with my son for some time now. Aside from the constant arguing, constant talking, not getting along with his cousins, throwing temper tantrums, having to be in complete control, afraid of the dark, not sleeping through the night, has anxiety when i put him in his car seat when he can't see me walk aroung to my door, he is a very sensitive, loving, smart young boy who loves spending time with adults. I have had him to a family counselor who says at this point he is normal, but if the hitting, kicking completely out of control behaviour does not stop, it might be more. I have read and implemented "Love and Logic" but has not helped. I have tried taking away things, it doesn't work. It is almost like he doesn't have any CONTROL over his emotions when he gets upset even with a little thing. PLEASE HELP!!

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Jodi - posted on 04/03/2014

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"Her little neck viens were distended. Her little face was all red and she looked like a perfect little tomato. Then she stopped. We brought her into the family room with lots of kudos. She is now 26.
She has not spoken to her brother, me, her aunt, cousins, great niece etc. for over 2 years. We all don't want to hear her constant complaining. She has lost all her friends, has no boyfriend, has disrespected everyone. She is a sad and lonely adult."

Cause and effect probably.

When you let a newborn cry it out like that for two hours they stop because they realise you have abandoned them. It actually DOES affect them. Did you know their brains end up wiring differently because they don't have that love and affection from a parent they need in the moment they need it?

No, crying it out is not normal for a newborn. Nurturing a crying and distressed newborn is not the same as spoiling a child. It is not "babying".

Hillary - posted on 04/02/2014

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When he was a newborn, did you always pick him up, drive him around, hold him constantly etc? My daughter screamed until her neck veins were distended when she was born. Took her to 3 different pediatricians. The last one had 5 children. One screamed all the time too. He said, " Put her in the crib, and let her scream". She is all about "Hollywood". She is now 26, and still a screamer. A chronic complainer, a terrible adult. Start early, you still have time to help your son. He is manipulating you!

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Sarah - posted on 04/08/2014

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Hi Lea. I sent you a private message. Hope it is helpful. If you would like more information message me.

Gena - posted on 04/04/2014

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Hilary, Shawnn didnt attack you. She said her opinion,and she is alowed to write her opinion,if you agree with it or not.

Jodi - posted on 04/03/2014

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I am in agreement with Shawnn on why your child may be having behavioural difficulties. There has clearly been some level of inconsistency with discipline in the past, and he is aware of this. Discipline needs to be really consistent, and because of the issues in the past, you may need to persevere for longer to see results.

Hillary - posted on 04/03/2014

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Could You tell my what underlying pathology might be causing this behavior? Thanks?

Hillary - posted on 04/03/2014

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I too say it like it is, and you feel that "crying it out" is not normal in a baby?? If she is physically healthy, and the youngest child of 5 children. My boys all babied her. She was the only girl, born beautiful at 5 lbs, 11 oz. She grew up in Laguna Beach, her own car at 15, spoiled beyond all reason by my husband. He grew up with all boys. He said she was a "little me". He died 5 years ago of "wrongful death". When there was no one there to cater to her crap she ran around the world. Literally. Europe, Greece, South America, everywhere. Ran from her pain. I totally understand the feeling, but facing reality at times is HARD. But, necessary. She has thrown away her mother, her brothers, everyone. She needs HELP! Not some mewling idiot who babies her. She needs kindness and respect as we all do. But, she in unwilling to give it, therefore she does not get it.

Hillary - posted on 04/03/2014

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Shawnn,
What is CIO? I am an RN and my husband is an MD, but we don't know what CIO is? Perhaps others here don't know either.

My best,
Hillary

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/03/2014

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Well, 6 weeks old is WAY to young for CIO. But, you made that choice. Now she's made hers. Sorry to hear that, but perhaps, for her, she is better off. Personally, in my opinion, its a pretty sorry state of affairs when someone suggests that a child who's acting out is doing so because they're 'HOLLYWOOD' or being a manipulator, rather than seeing that there possibly (as in the OP's case) be underlying symptoms causing the behaviour.

Hillary - posted on 04/03/2014

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Hi Shawnn,
My daughter Sarah started her screaming in the nursery at the hospital. She was not unborn, she was newborn. She was our last child and I was 36 years old. She was a "crash" C section, with a high risk neo-natologist. Thank god we could afford a great nanny for her. We took turns holding her, driving her, rocking her, etc. She never stopped screaming, unless someone was paying attention to her. Finally as I said, we put her in her crib and left her to scream. At this point she was approx. 6 weeks old. She screamed for over 2 hours. Her little neck viens were distended. Her little face was all red and she looked like a perfect little tomato. Then she stopped. We brought her into the family room with lots of kudos. She is now 26.
She has not spoken to her brother, me, her aunt, cousins, great niece etc. for over 2 years. We all don't want to hear her constant complaining. She has lost all her friends, has no boyfriend, has disrespected everyone. She is a sad and lonely adult. She has had psychiatric help since the age of 12. She WILL not admit to any problems. She needs help. She ran away at 13 and preferred a shelter to her home. My son and I only ask for kindness and respect. She cannot do this. I cry as I write this, as I need to let her go.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/03/2014

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Hillary, how did an unborn child "scream until her neck veins were distended when she was born?" I'm curious about that.

All discipline can be continued through med regimens. Its suspending discipline because of a med regimen that helps lead to some of this behaviour. The kids learn early and well that if they behave a certain way, you react a certain way. If you change the way that you react because they're taking medication, they see that too, and eventually realize that you can be made to give in if the right triggers are applied.

If he HAS had medical problems from a young age, the separation anxiety, etc, can be a big deal to him. No kid has total control over their emotions. It is our job as parents to guide them to appropriate expressions of anger, frustration, etc. That is how they learn control.

As far as his behaviours, mainly it sounds like a normal, active, intelligent 5 year old. You need to stay consistent, meds or no meds, in order for him to learn proper behaviours.

Lea - posted on 04/03/2014

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I am a pretty strict mom who says No and means it. I don't go back on my word and I stick through the consequence he has because of his actions. He was a fraile asthmatic since 18 months old but as of 3 months ago after multiple doctors, and different combinations of drugs, he is FINALLY under control. So in the past, I was reluctant to discipline when he was on steroids and acting out because he had NO impulse control on them but then would resume the discipline and time outs when he was better but two weeks later again would be back on steroids and crazy. This was my life and his for 2 years + so rewiring his behavior has been a challenge and I just hope I am not missing something more

Ev - posted on 04/02/2014

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Can I ask if you have just allowed him to have his way all the time over getting what he wants, doing what he wants when he wants, and not holding to no until recently?

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