What are my options?

Erin - posted on 10/03/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )




I take full responsibility for my part in this and I understand how stupid I must look but I really need some advice. I just found out I am pregnant with my third child. The father and I have been together for almost five years and have two other children. I can't financially support another child, the father and I don't live together and never have. He hasn't really supported our first two, he gets jobs then loses them a couple of months later, he spends his money on alcohol and other frivolous items. He finally has had a place of his own that he has had for a month so far. It is like a motel room, one room small kitchen one bathroom. Anyways he isn't very attentive to our first two daughters and hardly wants to spend time with them, basically it's to hard for him to handle I guess. I have mentioned adoption but he refuses and I finally told him that he can take this baby and raise it himself then. But I think he would try and give it back to me seeing as though his days are basically working and hanging out with friends, drinking and smoking. I can not afford to take care of this child right now, I want it to have the best it can and to me that means a family who can take care of it and show it all the affection and attention it deserves. Anyone have any advice?

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Cecilia - posted on 10/03/2013




here is a link about father's rights when it comes to adoption- http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/ad... .

There are adoptions that take place even without the father's consent. The adoptive parents should know about what is going on with him. Many times in these cases the child will live with the adoptive parents even before it is legally theirs. They know it might fall through and won't be their baby from the start, much easier to deal with the loss that way.

Don't beat yourself about getting pregnant, It happens. Do what you think is best for your child.

Erin - posted on 10/03/2013




Thank you, I definitly plan on contacting a lawyer that deals with family issues and recieving as much information as I can.

Queen Of My - posted on 10/03/2013




I don't know much about adoption but Kelly sounds like she is on to something! I definitely agree with her that you should find out all your legal rights and responsibilities and then make a firm decision! Good luck, that is a tough situation! I hope it all works out for you :)

[deleted account]

Speak to your attorney and find out what your rights are. In most US states, I believe you can place the baby up for adoption and sign off on all of your parental responsibilities and rights without his permission (Just like getting an abortion), but in the case of adoption, the bio father then has the right to legally adopt the child and is given priority during the adoption process. Some states require him to go through the entire adoption process, which includes home checks, and family stability approvals. Other states allow bio fathers to skip large parts of the process because they are biologically the father.
Once you have finalized the adoption, he cannot give the child back to you without placing the child for adoption and having you legally adopt the child. There are also many different adoption arrangements, some allowing bio mom to remain in contact with the child, others not.

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