what are we teaching young girls.....

Sal - posted on 04/14/2011 ( 19 moms have responded )




i am appalled, i was just on fb and my young neice, she is 16 and just started dating recently, had this up
"The couple that fights the most is the one most in love... it shows they care enough to notice the other one screwed up and care enough to mention it to the person so they can fix it. When you stop fighting it means you stopped caring"
what do you think? is this what we should be engraining into our teenage girls that fighting is not only normal but it means you are in love,it doens't seem like a big jump to he only hit me because he cares soo much.....it has scared me a little....
i am not so stupid to think that couples don;t fight, but that isn't the love, in my opnion you put up with the fight because you love each other, and yes the passion from a bit of make up sex is great, but if that is the only way to get passion in there i think there are big problems,


Sarah - posted on 04/15/2011




In my last job I was a sexual assault vicitm advocate and I also went into schools and spoke with teens about dating and in particular, Respectful Dating. You would be amazed some of the ideas these kids have (like if your BF texts you a million times a day it's b/c he loves you, not b/c he's a controlling jerk). There is a really good website that's geared towards teen dating that I like and could be useful for her. http://www.loveisrespect.org/
It has some fun quizzes and stuff that I think teen girls in particular like.
Hope this helps!!

Charlie - posted on 04/15/2011




You could personal message her Sal so it is just between the two of you .

[deleted account]

My husband and I in the entire 7 years I've known him have fought once. It lasted about 15 minutes and was quickly resolved once we calmed down to think straight.

I think people confuse figting with disagreeing. Fighting is yelling, screaming, irational behavior. You can have an argument and disagree and have it calmly.

This isn't really anything new. I was around even 20+ years ago when my eldest sister was in school. It just wasn't plastered on an open forum, it was on the bathroom stall.

Krista - posted on 04/15/2011




I agree with Louise. It's frightening how so many girls today are accepting of controlling behaviour or violence.

I have a boy, and would be so wild if he treated a girlfriend like that. When it comes time for talks about sex and love, my main theme to the talks will be "Don't be an asshole." :)


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Tina - posted on 04/18/2011




I think It's normal to have disageements but knowing how to deal with them is a different thing. People think it's their right to yell fight and carry on. Unfortunately it's not just young people that are like this. This behaviour is learn from someone. I think you do need to be able to handle things in a sensible matter and be respectful. And honesty is important. You can't have a healthy relationship without trust. Maybe the post wasn't based on every relationship she may have just been upset and venting.

Sal - posted on 04/17/2011




i've been scoping her mum, but she seems as silly, she has a lot of respect for my husband so i'm passing it on to him, but it does worry me in general that girls think this is normal, thinking that having a man is the be all and end of everything thing that they have nothing if they don't have a boy

Mohini Geetanjali - posted on 04/17/2011




You can love your partner without fighting. But it takes time to understand this. May be ages! Till that - you need to have PATIENCE to keep your marriage in tact

Julie Doyle - posted on 04/16/2011




i agree totaly all we hear now days is fighting and domestic abuse appauling for any one to go through jdoyle

Kristian - posted on 04/15/2011




Yeah, tough spot you are in. My 16 yo niece had me on her fb friend list until I expressed concern over a post, (she said she was having a bad day, and I offered to help). Apparently she felt violated or something and kicked me off her fb page. I would bring it up to her mom, maybe she could talk to her about it. I wonder if this is what she is seeing at home, either her parents or on TV. Either way, it is her parents responsibility to teach her about life and love. You can talk to her yourself, just don't be offended if she reacts in a bad way. She is a teenager, everything seems to offend them, lol!

Danielle - posted on 04/15/2011




I am getting married in July and we had to take a marriage course in order to get married in our church, just last weekend. A marriage therapist came to speak to us and he said that arguing is healthy. Fighting is not. He also said arguing all the time is unhealthy. Most teenagers are naive and immature. Not all, but most.

Jennifer - posted on 04/15/2011




I know you are afraid to write on the post, but if you don't tell her, are you absolutely certain someone else will? Disagreements are common in a relationship, but all out fighting isn't. Me and my husband have had an actual fight (verbal, not physical) maybe 2 times in our 5 years together, and both were because of pregnancy/post partum hormones and my inability to control them. We have disagreements quite often, but we talk through them, get each other's point of view, then come up with a compromise. She, and all other teens need to know that fighting doesn't mean anyone cares, it just means that both people are too stubborn to work through their differences and the only thing that comes out of a fight is hurt feelings.

Bonnie - posted on 04/15/2011




It is known that fighting in a relationship is healthy, but obviously not continuous fighting and not calling eachother every name under the son. You have to be able to agree and have a balance in the relationship. If you are always fighting, you are definately not a match made in heaven.

Tinker1987 - posted on 04/15/2011




technology is putting a impact on the generation today. i have little cousons on facebook with worse statuses,and doing quizzes like how sexy are you today.and they are 12 yrs old. they also put quotes on from songs,or quotes that you can just google about '"love" and life. and bascially its just dramatic.but when i was 12 years old i had noo interst in boys.but girls these days are starting out younger and younger,and alot of it its from the internet,cellphones,even on ipods you an access fb and even a texting app. I dont think your niece really believes that for a status im willing to bet she found that quote somewhere and used it.i see it happen all the time! in fact i did it when i was a little younger. used quotes from lyrics ect...

Jenni - posted on 04/15/2011




I thought that couples that fight the most usually end in divorce?
Sounds like she may be trying to find a way to justify her relationship. You know how young girls hold on to their firsts so much longer than us experienced adults. Put up with more crap. I mean... i think a few of us can look back to some of our teen/early adulthood relationships and say. I can't believe i put up with that! I know so much better now. And that 'knowing better' comes with experience. It's nothing any of us could have been told... it's nothing she can be told. She won't listen.

It does seem we have an epidemic of low self-esteem in our teen girls. It's sad really. So many are merely an extension of whatever boy they latch onto. We as parents are the only ones who really have influence on how our daughters view themselves in society. Their confidence. Their comfort in their individuality. We need to give them the strength to love themselves and their abilities. The notion that they don't need any man to make themselves feel complete. They are whole all on their own.

We have to combat media idealogies that 'girl power' is the power to attract the opposite sex. Girl power is the media's version of the feminist movement. Used to sell merchandise to impressionable teens. Bratz stand for girl power. Spice girls stood for girl power. The Pussycat Dolls stand for girl power. And what are their powers? To shop and look sexy and attract all the boys. Terrible message. Not girl power. Oppression.

Young girls need confidence in themselves. They should not feel they need a boyfriend to be confident or whole. Then they wouldn't be putting up with as much crap from them.

Stifler's - posted on 04/15/2011




No way! Everyone fights but fighting constantly is not a sign of a good relationship or being the most in love.

Sal - posted on 04/15/2011




i was just saying that to my hubby, her mum (his sister) has just joined fb her self, we are hoping it was so she can have an idea whats going on, but i do have my doubts, i want to write on the post but don;t want to look like an old busy body and put her off side

Louise - posted on 04/15/2011




Yes I agree with you. It seems that our teens think that abuse and violence is exceptable these days. Wrong. I will be teaching my daughter that love comes with respect and nurturing and not arguements and constant verbal abuse.

Charlie - posted on 04/14/2011




I think that ( her status ) is a load of crap , a couple who love each other can talk rationally through problems and respect each other enough to not have to fight about everything .

Fighting isnt love , caring enough about a person means approaching them rationally and engaging in discussion about any issue that comes up .

I would be appalled if my sons thought fighting with spouse all the time was acceptable .

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