What can I do

Pamela - posted on 11/14/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )




I just need help my grandson was recently diagnosed with ADHD and odd he is living with me because his mom can't handle him. He is currently on 15 mg of Adderall and melatonin 3 mg. His behavior has gotten worse he is rude, full of rage and very disrespectful. He has had 2 episodes where he was hospitalized in a mental health facility. I am tired because I never know what kind of mood he'll be in. He can be loving and can be manipulative. He always plays the part of the victim and thinks he know everything I am retired and its hard to deal to deal with him at times. His father my son has been spending more time with him. I'm supposed to go to court to get custody of him I don't want him to go into foster care because no one else wants to take him any suggestions


Guest - posted on 11/14/2014




How old is he?

Check out the book Delivered from Distraction by Edward Hallowell (this is by far my favorite book on ADHD) It is one of very few books actually written FOR people with ADHD, but it is also great for family members because it can help you see things from their perspective, and because it gives a lot of helpful advice for the person struggling with ADHD to follow, you can help him implement some of those strategies (and remind him to follow them) which will have a positive effect on his moods.

I have ADHD and I work in social services dealing with it as well. I am NOT a doctor, but I have a lot of experience.
People with ADHD cannot control when or what we focus on by our selves, but there are "tools" we can use to "manage" our brains.

For example, a small physical outlet helps us to listen better. If your grandson is allowed to use a rocking chair or doodle on a piece of paper while he listens to someone speak, he is more likely to remember what is said to him.

Make sure he has time every day to "zone out". This should be screen-free time--no TV, Computer, Video games, etc. Play some instrumental music (no words, of very few words) and let him play--draw, build with blocks, write, push cars around, run, read, whatever. This lets his brain rest. Throughout the day, he is having to exert a lot of effort to stop synapses in his brain from firing and distracting him--you can do this will little effort, for us, it takes a lot and we have to rest more than others. If we don't get this rest we get emotionally burned out--that is when those angry outbursts happen. We can't control them when they happen, but we can take steps to prevent them by noticing when we need to let our brains just run free for a little while.

Make sure he has time for physical activity. REALLY physical--enough to get his heart rate up. You can put him in an active sport--parkour, soccer, basketball, flag football, etc. If they practice and play 3-4 times a week, he will focus better. Or let him run around, ride a bike, or do silly dances with you in the living room for about half an hour a day. After about a week of this, you will see an improvement. His focus will be better on days he gets exercise.

Visual clutter is VERY hard on our brains. If you have a lot of knicknacks and busy patterns in your home, it can be hard for us to "see" things. Try to swap out floral patterns for solids or something with a small, repeating design. Try to keep sentimental figurines and such on shelves rather than tables or other surfaces that you frequently put things on temporarily. If the remote for the TV is on a table with several figurines, some papers, and a box of tissues, he can look right at it and not see it--his brain won't pick apart all of the lines, he'll just see a table full of stuff. By keeping a few surfaces clear for his things, he will be able to find them more easily and cut off a lot of frustration.

TV makes ADHD symptoms worse. We know it doesn't cause ADHD now, but it does intensify the symptoms for those who already have it. Keep the TV off unless you are actively watching it--if you must have background noise, use music. Limit his TV time as much as possible--the less he watches, the better he will be able to manage his brain. I limit my TV time to an hour on Wednesdays, and in the winter time, I might watch a movie on the weekend--1 to 3 hours a week. Any more, and I feel my brain going out of control.

I know, this was a long post....there is so much to understand, it is really hard to put it all here. Do read the book--it has a lot of insight into how we can mold our lives to fit our unique brains. A person with ADHD can do anything a person without it can do--we just have to find a different way to go about it.

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