what can i do he is 6 and has those screaming kicking fits and kick door and all and it happens when i tell him no or bedtime
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Sounds like he's challenging your behaviour management skills and is retaliating in the only way he knows how. I'd start by having a good think about why he's doing it first. Has there been a major change in his life recently? Consider his diet too and reduce sugars and preservatives where you can, as these can make children terribly irritable. Now you need to arm yourself with some behaviour management strategies, patience and consistency! First and foremost, when he's kicking and screaming, how do you react? Do you try to stop him or just let him go for it? My suggestion would be to ensure that he is in a place where he cant hurt himself, carpet floors with no toys or furniture around works best. When he's having his tantrum, restate the 'no' or 'its bedtime' in a modified (firm but calm) tone. If its bedtime, say your usual goodnight, and sit outside his door. If he gets out of bed, put him back in. If he seeks more cuddles, tell him he's already had cuddles, and you will give him more when he wakes up in the morning. Repeat until he falls asleep. this will get easier each night i promise you. Be consistent in his routine, have set dinner, bath and calming time (reading a book is great) and then finally bed. It all helps. For regular tantrums where you've told him no and he's trying you, restate your 'no' and let him go for it. If he persists for an extended period of time, give him a choice. "you can either keep crying, or you can come with me and do (something constructive), what would you like to do" If he keeps crying, allow it for another couple of minutes. Restate the choices. If he refuses, tell him "ok, well when you're finished your tantrum, i'll be over here and you can come and join me" then FOLLOW THROUGH. Ignore the tantrum. If the situation escalates and he becomes destructive (hurting himself or throwing things). Tell him in a very firm voice "that is not acceptable. We do not ...... in this house" At this point i'd offer him a different choice or ask him to contribute to his choices. "You can keep crying and being sad if you like, or you can ....." OR "What would you like to do this afternoon, I'm sure you dont want to be crying". Distraction is another great tactic. "If you keep crying we're going to be late/you're going to miss your tv show/you're not going to have time to (do something fun) , So lets stop this tantrum and lets go" . If he has siblings or friends/cousins over you could also use parallel acknowledgement but be careful in its use. When he's having a tantrum and the others are behaving say something like "thank you (behaving child), i can see you're (describe behaviour ie sitting quietly waiting for me to make your lunch). This will encourage him to change what he's doing - You would be amazed how words can work on kids this age. Try these out and see how you go! There are many many more.
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