what can i do? HELP

Christina - posted on 03/27/2015 ( 6 moms have responded )

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my sons father has been on child support for a little over 3 years now and i just received a check from him yesterday... ive been trying to get him to sign over his rights( mean i know but hes never there for my son and never helped) he never ask about my son or sees him ( because he hasnt paid) and when he does say something its just to say can i see my son.... my son is 4 years old and has no idea who his dad is... i ask his father why now... why be in your sons life now and he just says because i want my son in my life im on my feet now...!? hes 4 you havent seen him since he was 1 and even he wasnt really there maybe 3 months out of his life hes been there.. ive allowed him to be apart of my sons life but he never showed and was too into his girlfriends or other stuff ...


what i wanna know is an he just step back in my sons life when everything is going good for us when i know hes not gonna be there like he should. i also feel like hes just doing this to get a pitty party out of it and make me look llike the bad guy

6 Comments

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Jodi - posted on 03/27/2015

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"he never ask about my son or sees him ( because he hasnt paid) and when he does say something its just to say can i see my son"

Wait....so you've never allowed him to see him because he hasn't paid? Just trying to clarify this......

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/27/2015

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"ive been trying to get him to sign over his rights( mean i know but hes never there for my son and never helped) he never ask about my son or sees him ( because he hasnt paid)"~~So you're withholding visitations pending payment? NOT OK. What do your court orders regarding visitation say? You could be prosecuted for parental alienation, if you're not careful...
"when he does say something its just to say can i see my son"~~Um...probably because you're withholding visitation from him. Hopefully he'll see the light here, and petition custody in his own right.
"my son is 4 years old and has no idea who his dad is"~~Again, because in your first few sentences you admitted to withholding his visitation. How is the kid supposed to know his father in those circumstances?
"i ask his father why now... why be in your sons life now and he just says because i want my son in my life im on my feet now"~~Very valid reasoning on his part. He's stable, he DESERVES the chance to be a father to his child.

Unless the man is deemed unfit by the courts, he's got just as much "right" to his child as you do to yours. In other words, your kid is not a possession.

Ev - posted on 03/27/2015

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That may exactly be what dad is thinking. Even though another man has been the "father like figure" that does not mean the dad has to be left out of the whole thing entirely. Take it to court and get visitation, custody, and child support going if you do not have it set. That would solve a lot of issues.

Christina - posted on 03/27/2015

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it actually does help thank you and i think he should have a relationship with his father.. i just dont think its right bc hes missed so much ive been there he hasnt... and i dont want him to start being there and then let my son down because he wants to be a father on his own time or just because he can. in a way i feel hes being selfish because he did nothing but party and do drugs when he would have been helping me i gave up everything from day one but he waits till hes 4 and about to start school to want to be a father... hes had jobs had money but nothing... and i know im venting but i dont know what to do.. my son has a father figure in his life and he has stepped up and has been there.. now that i think about it thats probably why he wants to be a father now because hes seen what hes missing

Ev - posted on 03/27/2015

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The thing about having someone sign over their rights is that it has to go to court. The other parent has to be willing to sign over their rights. And you can not force the issue. The only way a parent can lose their parental rights is if they are found to be a danger to the child that the court thinks it is in the best interest of the child not to allow that parent around the child.

That said, even though this man has not seen the boy much since the age of one, maybe he has turned around. Maybe he sees what he has missed and wants to make the best of the rest of the boy's growing up. You are going to be linked to this man for the next 14 years because of this child you two had together. We can not ever know what a person thinks or feels about things. And lots of times they do change. At least he has come forward and wants to be part of the boy's life. Let them have this chance. The boy does need to have that chance to have a relationship with his father.

Nattalie - posted on 03/27/2015

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I know how u feel my sons dad was never really in his life either. When he was a baby he never helped he never really wanted anything to do with him until about a few months ago when my son could start doing things on his own for the most part my son is 3 now. You have to go with your gut and what you think is best.my sons dad is more part of his life now that he's ever been and Im happy they have the relationship that they do now, it just took a little time for him to come around. Not sure how much this will help you but it's a pretty similar situation so I thought maybe it would give you some insight on how things could go if you let him try. 😊

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