What can I do to help my grandson who has terrible parents and is paying the price for the parents errors. How do I change things for him?

User - posted on 07/20/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )




I am a grandmother now. My children are grown. I am amazed at what I hear from my children. You would think I was an awful parent. I was a single parent. I did have to work but when I was off work, I came home, fixed dinner, had homework time, play time and hugged my children every day telling them how much I loved them.
I have one "bad apple". Suggestions have been made that she might be bi polar, she might be mentally ill, all I see is pure mean, lies and a total control obsession.
She never wanted her first child, conceived out of wed lock, mainly because this child had the wrong father.This daughter is all about herself, she is supposed to be the prettiest, the most popular, the smartest and always have the best of everything. No time for anyone else. She had a second son and gave him away.
I raised my first grandson for 10 years, now his mother tries to tell him he really did not live with me, I was a babysitter for her.
Anyway, now my grandson is in deep trouble emotionally and his social skills are damaged. He is sweet, he is smart but he is only 18. Yes I know you would say wow at least he made it to 18, true but not without severe mistreatment by his mother.
I was not able to obtain custody of him. He was her meal ticket and she would not give up control. When she convinced him to come live with her and her new husband when he was about 10, she promised him a dad and all his dreams come true. He lived in hell. It drove him crazy. As he reached the age to drive, he had some minor accidents through carelessness but he was already way to far gone. He is mad to the core and intended to make his mother pay.
Well in the meantime, my father passed away and left a trust fund for my grandson that was to be used for his education. Made his mom trustee. My father was dying and Karan used her lies and manipulative ways to put this together behind everyones back. Now, she has spent all that money and my grandson is crazy mad. He started drinking and doing legal drugs to act out.
My daughter used to drug him with cough medicines etc. so he would stay asleep while she went out and partied all night. All the things she did, the law never made her pay a price.
So now my grandson faces time in jail. And I say this, his real father abandoned him because my daughter was using her son and the dad could not stand being around it all. My grandson is paying the price for his parents bad act.
When she had the money we begged her to put him in a boot camp. rehab, anything that would help him. No, she bought expensive cars and clothing for herself instead and locked him at home with nothing.
I want to help my grandson, he deserves a decent life. But his mother is evil. She has threatened me and told me to stay away from him, he was not my business.
In the meantime, my grandson is serving a 7 day jail sentence for breaking his probation on a hit and run by failing 3 tests. And he has a longer sentence coming up in another county for a violent episode where he broke everything in the house because his mother bought it with his money and would not do anything for him. She calls the police on everyone. Now, he hates her and sees her for what she is but he has nothing. No job, no car, a suspended license and now this legal trouble. What should I do to help him have a decent life he deserves?


Amy - posted on 07/20/2012




At 18 he doesn't have to go back there if he doesn't want to, if you are willing to let him stay with you than you can make that offer, but I would definitely put stipulations on it. Like he has to attend counseling (if he needs it), has to be actively searching for a job, or enrolled in classes. I would also seek legal advice if the trust was set up for school/education and it wasn't used for that your grandson may have legal recourse against his mother. Good luck, hopefully you can get your grandson on a good path!

Krista - posted on 07/20/2012




I'd say that the best thing you can do for him is just be there for him and make sure that he knows that he's welcome anytime, and that you love him and believe in him. Maybe offer to help him out for a year to help him get back on his feet (he can live with you, but needs to work or go to school, and you will drive him there).

Good luck -- it's heartbreaking watching a bad parent screw up. It's a shame that more people don't take the job of raising another human being seriously enough.


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Debbie - posted on 10/07/2013




one: now he can make his own decisions
two: get a job no matter what
three: go to christian counselor, one who practices with EMDR .
four: he does not have to have a car.
five: Do not have contact with his mother
six: have him get his own lawyer, he can get back the money, it was not hers to spend and she will have to provide receipts fot the money she spent.
seven: she is not a mother, and will never be no matter how much he wants her to be
keep her away from the family
eight: give reg drug test, he can stay with family if he is clean or salvation army.
Ten: his life is what he makes of it, work hard and be honest do't let a bad mother lead him to destruction or bring him down to her level ..
Good Luck to you both

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