What can I do to help my son stop throwing temper tantrums?

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Kiera - posted on 03/21/2009

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DON'T react to them! Walk away. They do it for attention. I tell my children that if they cannot tell me what the want and ASK for it, they can't have it. Tanty-kids get gently placed in their rooms, by themselves, and are not to come out until calm and ready to communicate like "big kids".... just don't ever give them what they want WHILE or BECAUSE OF a tantrum....once they realize it is ineffectual, and this may take some time, but, they stop!
They may test you later on, though, trying the tantrum method again. My son tries to throw one in public every so often.... I just say "Ok, I'm leaving" and walk away! (never letting him out of my sight, of course!) I make him think I'll leave him if he keeps it up! Works like a charm. Of course, after he's calmed down and talking to me - I kneel down and explain that I don't understand the fussing - that it's not a good way to get what he wants... and then that I will never never leave him. Ever. This reassures him, and gets him talking to me in a polite, respectful way. Definitely gets his attention!!

Good luck!

User - posted on 03/21/2009

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Find out what will set one off...so you can avoid one (esp if you're out shopping!)  But if one does happen..get down to their level and ask them if they need a cuddle!!!  (surprising how often they say 'yes'! )  If not then you can send them to a time out place to calm down or you could ignore them until they calm down themselves.  It's important to come back to them and talk to them about the situation afterwards

Anita - posted on 03/21/2009

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kids tro tanty because they cant communicate what they want and need...if u have worked out what it is they usually stop...but if its something they want and they cant have and u have explained the why nots then just let them be as long as they dont go hurting themselves...I always give my lil one a comfortable chair in a corner to sit on and call it a time out corner..if he miss behaves he goes and have time out..he is only allowed to get off the chair when he calms down...children need to learn to control their emotions...if u give in to them the first time and dont the ssecond..teh tanty gets worse and longer...if u are consistant from the first go then they will learn that crying, wailing, nagging, throwing themselves on the floor, banging their head is not going to do anythng...believe me children know how to push buttons and manipulate...its a qtn of whether u let them or not and who is really in control of the situation....

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Kiera - posted on 03/23/2009

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Jennifer -- I don't know if you've tried this, but because of your sons age and the relentless tantrums, I would have him checked out by a Chiropractor!! Honestly - find a pediatric DC and let him/her do their exam and see if they come up with an upper cervical issue... One time visit -- If you're not comfortable, you can refuse the treatment, but I would be willing to bet there is an issue in that region! My hubby's a chiropractor and I work in his office -- we have seen SO many little guys (and some girls - but mostly boys) that are "acting out", but it turns out they just didn't know how to communicate the discomfort that has been there as long as they can remember! My husband treats them according to ACA approved treatment schedules and Mom are ecstatic with the results! Like I said - the exam and consultation should cost you nothing, but may cost you your insurance policy copay/co-insurance.... check it out! You might be VERY pleasantly surprised!

Good luck to everyone!! Kiera
www.lakechiropractic.net

Jennifer - posted on 03/22/2009

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The reason I asked his age is that I have a son who has tantrums too.  He has had them for his whole life.  He was the one who had to scream himself to sleep, everything came out of the crib, he threw things when he was mad, and he  never seemed happy.  He is super sensitive to the word "no" and has issues with being disciplined.  But it all started to get better when he could start talking.  Even with the beginnings of speech, even with one word,  his tantrums started to decrease and so did the escalation.  I had many discussion with a friend of mine who has a son who has Aspergers and also with our Parents as  Teachers representative. His behavior was completely different than his twins and his older brothers.  But it has gotten better as he has gotten older, and as his speech has matured.  We still have minor issues with temper, and he is still pretty sensitive, but other than that he has been doing great. 



I like the comment by Julia, sometimes I think he just needed me, and needed a cuddle.  Sometimes that made it better and sometimes he fought me like a wild animal.   

Eleanor - posted on 03/22/2009

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WHAT IS THE TANTRUM FOR??WHAT DO U DO WHEN HE DOES IT?SOMETIMES THEY DO WHAT THEY KNOW THEY CAN GET AWAY WITH OR GET THEIR WAY WITH..I LEARNED TO WALK AWAY TILL MY SON CALMED DOWN I WOULDN'T REACT TO IT..HE EVENTUALLY GOT THE MESSAGE

Rhonda - posted on 03/22/2009

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Quoting Teresa:

That is ONE of the reasons that my 2 and a half year old son is still in a crib! (I've been lucky enough that he has had any interest in trying to get out!) If he starts to throw a tantrum I put him in his crib, tell him to let me know when he is ready and walk out of the room. I know he is safe there, so I just wait for him to choose to get control of his emotions and usually within a minute he is telling me he is ready.Rarely do I have to return him to the crib. He just needs to know that I am in charge and that I mean what I say. If I warn him he will go in the crib if he continues, and then he doesn't stop, he is not surprised to find himself in his room. Once he has calmed down we can talk about what got him in there, and what he needs now. There have also been a couple of times that he has started throwing his blankets and stuffed animals out of his crib when he was mad. I joined him, throwing a pillow hard to the floor and telling him that if he was really mad he should throw it harder and show how mad he was. He loved the idea and was very soon laughing, the tantrum forgotten.


I just got my son to sleep in his big boy bed I thought I would never get him to sleep in his bed or at least until he was three he is two 1/2 as well. Wanted to get him out of the crib by the time my other son had turned three months. But tried it a couple monthes ago and he wouldnt have it. He the type of child that likes to get up and go. Yes he throws tantrums all the time or use too.. I learned to ignore them. I used to put him in his crib as well when he threw tantrums... but lately I been just putting him in his room.. here is the thing.. before he had all his toys he could get into and play with. But now.. I switch the drawers full of toys for tubes that when you push down on them they lock on the sides so he cant play with toys or get into them unless I open it up for him. He does have a bookshelf with books but he doesnt really mess with that at night! This helps at night for him to sleep in his big boy bed... in fact after I made the change with the toys so he had nothing to play with he went straight to sleep in the bed which was a shock for me. It also helped during the day if he had a tantrum I could just put him in his room and shut the door. Instead of putting him in his crib. I dont know if this will work out for you.. bout thought I would try to give my opinion and see if it might work for you.. Good Luck!

Rhonda - posted on 03/22/2009

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My son is two 1/2 he throws tantrums all the time when he doesnt get his way.. but I learned to ignore them or if they get really bad I put him in his room and shut the door for a time out. So he can calm himself down. My son is still not talking in sentences just words most you cant understand fully. So I can see why he gets frustrated. Not to mention he now has a five month old brother. But he been like this from 18 monthes so its not like he got that jealous of his brother. He been getting better since I have started to ignore them and giving him time outs. Now he usually only throws tantrums when he overly tired.



 

Teresa - posted on 03/21/2009

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That is ONE of the reasons that my 2 and a half year old son is still in a crib! (I've been lucky enough that he has had any interest in trying to get out!) If he starts to throw a tantrum I put him in his crib, tell him to let me know when he is ready and walk out of the room. I know he is safe there, so I just wait for him to choose to get control of his emotions and usually within a minute he is telling me he is ready.Rarely do I have to return him to the crib. He just needs to know that I am in charge and that I mean what I say. If I warn him he will go in the crib if he continues, and then he doesn't stop, he is not surprised to find himself in his room. Once he has calmed down we can talk about what got him in there, and what he needs now. There have also been a couple of times that he has started throwing his blankets and stuffed animals out of his crib when he was mad. I joined him, throwing a pillow hard to the floor and telling him that if he was really mad he should throw it harder and show how mad he was. He loved the idea and was very soon laughing, the tantrum forgotten.

Dawn - posted on 03/21/2009

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Being consistent is really important....but they are still going to throw temper tantrums.  According to my pediatrician it is very natural for them to do and they take it as a sign that the child is very comfortable at home and knows they are loved.  They won't test boundaries in that way if they don't feel secure.  SO...PAT YOURSELF ON THE BACK when it happens.  You are a good mom.  Then, work on being consistent and trying not to lose your mind through this phase!  I also agree that walking away can help and definitely NEVER give them what they are throwing the tantrum about.

Arpasia - posted on 03/21/2009

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Thanks to everyone who reached out. I guess i'm just not being consistant enough....

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