What can I tell my boys about their father?

Melina - posted on 03/22/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )




My boys asked if my husband is their dad. We live with their step-father. They call him dad and treat him just like their dad. Their “real” dad is nowhere in the picture. He started drinking and didn’t stop. He started getting physical with people. I left when I was pregnant with “our” third child. I don’t know if he’s still an alcoholic but he probably is. I don’t care if he is. I don’t want him around my children. He doesn’t pay child support and has no visitation rights. What do I tell them if they ever ask about their biological father?


Julie - posted on 03/22/2013




If your boys are asking the direct question, they are ready to hear a direct response. tell them the truth without ALL the details. My mother left my dad when I was 4 and my brother was 2. We were adopted and raised by step-dad. My mothers story to us was just like your. He drank a lot, was physically abusive to her, and she said it was when he hit me that she finally left.
As a child I had my doubts about my mothers story. But at the age of 40, I met my birth father. He had been divorced 3X, was alone and still drinking and smoking. Turns out my mothers story which I thought was some what fabricated appeared closer to the truth.
My point is the truth, as you saw it then and see it now will prevail for their life time. Be honest from the beginning, wether they believe you or not, blame you or not, thank you or not. how they handle the truth is not in your control, what you choose to tell them is. the instinct to Protect our children from hurt is great, giving them a clear vision of who they are and where they came from are the tools they need to survive

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