What Contact should proven perpertrators of Domestic Abuse get with their Children?

Eleanor - posted on 12/28/2011 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Our Family has been going through hell because of my Ex and a lot of years of Domestic Abuse and even though he's been gone for three years he is still pushing for more contact in court. Here in the UK we are using Cafcass now to try to prove Mental/emotional Abuse to the children by my ex. I wanted to know everyones thoughts. If it is proven in the next 12 weeks by Cafcass that the emotional and mental abuse the children tell us about has been going on, what contact would be reasonable for my ex to request/be given? Would love to know everyones thoughts. Thanks

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Jodi - posted on 12/28/2011

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I guess, Kellie, given the lack of information in the OP, we all have a different perception as to what extent this emotional and mental abuse might be. I think it can also be said that the man *could* be ordered to get some counselling. Often a person who is emotionally abusive doesn't realise what they are doing, or are in denial that it is indeed abusive. But that doesn't mean that they can't learn to manage it.



Children often love their parents very much, even when there is abuse (either physical or mental). In a situation like this, the children may really love daddy, but just wish for certain behaviours to stop. Supervised visitation can minimise the impact of losing a parent on a child. Losing that parent altogether is not always in the child's best interests. In fact, even in the most abusive situations, it can leave a huge hole in a child's life. So often, supervised visitation is a better solution.

Jodi - posted on 12/28/2011

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Supervised contact only. How much is he asking for, or does he have at the moment? I see nothing wrong with him having some time with them, but if there is proven abuse, it needs to be supervised by someone who will be able to ensure this isn't going on. How old are the kids?

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Eleanor - posted on 12/29/2011

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Hi Everyone, thank you for the comments so far, the boys are 3 and 5 so still very young. I am hoping for supervised initially and no I don't think he will change he seems to be in complete denial that he has done, or does abuse anyone. I don't know if courses would have any impact on him. He has no contact for 3 months as I had to stop it due to continual reports of smacking and telling the children to hit and kick us and spit at us and also my eldest said his dad had stuck a tube up his bum, which worried me greatly??? and he said that twice. I got to a point where I thought this really does need investigating. I know kids can say things and make stuff up, but when it's continually the same things being said and their brother backing it up, I believe the children and not my ex. I have to have faith they will speak up over the coming 3 months. Thanks everyone X

Kellie - posted on 12/28/2011

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I can't understand why you all think he should see his children even under supervision if it's proven he's abused them.

Would you want visits with your abuser? Because I sure never want to see mine again.

Ruthie - posted on 12/28/2011

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If the children are afraid of their dad, then I'd suggest no visitation at all, otherwise, supervised visitation only. Good Luck Eleanor.

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Definitely supervised and possibly minimal to none.

How old are the kids and what are their feelings about having contact w/ their father?

Tara - posted on 12/28/2011

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Limited supervised access, and, if the children are unhappy, cut it back to the very minimum you can manage, or stop it entirely if the children are completely unhappy and no longer want to see their father (likely when they are older).

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