what do i do

Sara - posted on 02/02/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )

14

0

0

I'm 32 and my husband is 33. We have a 10 year old boy and a 5.5 year old girl.. my husband had a vasectomy about 4 years ago. Ever since he did it I regret it. But we made the choice together. But lately I want another baby so bad it hurts.. I've wanted another for a while but more so lately. I can't stop thinking about it. But since hubby had a vasectomy its not possible. We looked into reversals but hubby said he won't do it. He doesn't want to get it reversed and if it didn't work have it put a strain on our marriage or have me depressed and possibly take away from our other 2 kids. With our son we got pregnant while I was on depo and it took us 3 years to get pregnant with our daughter (so he thinks since we had issues getting pregnant the last time the odds would be against us) but my cycles are regular now.. plus he doesn't wanna see me getting hurt month after month if the reversal didn't work. So I guess what do I do?? I feel angry at him for not wanting to get it reversed but he said we both agreed to the vasectomy so I don't know what to do..i don't want to be angry at him but im hurt.. I told him Life changes and so do minds. So do I drop it and be happy with the 2 I have and feel this aching pain and how do i deal with it? Any advice would be great.. thank you

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Sarah - posted on 02/02/2012

1,258

14

164

Maybe if you considered fostering, you could take the money the state pays you for fostering into an account so that you could adopt the child you're fostering when there's enough in the fund.

Sarah - posted on 02/02/2012

1,258

14

164

Would you maybe consider adopting or fostering a child? Would your husband?

Kaitlin - posted on 02/02/2012

1,107

21

451

Wow, I can see how this is so emotional for both of you. We are natural nurturers- that's a strong desire, but he does make good sense about not wanting to put so much potential strain on your marriage.



Are either of you open to adoption?

6 Comments

View replies by

Levi - posted on 10/13/2012

2

0

0

My opinion is that the 'no' vote wins. I'm sorry it's hurtful that you can't have another child, but you need to respect his refusal. You have to work on a way to figure out how to grieve for your lost ability to have more children, then move on from it, content with the two you already have.

Sara - posted on 02/02/2012

14

0

0

Morgan, I would never let my family (kids or husband) fall apart or be neglected.. Im not that way at all.. Im just stating the fact i long for another baby.. Yes it was our choice to get the surgery.. But i was just looking at options of how we could have another..

I had 2 c sections.. i know how surgeries can be.. plus i watched his vasectomy. not a pleasant site..

I know grass isn't greener on the other side.. Dont plan to go there.. Just asking for opinions and other options.. Or how i can deal with my feelings.. someone suggested volunteering at a hospital with babies.. or something like that...



Kaitilin, we cant afford to adopt.. It would take us almost a year to save up for a vasectomy (8 to 10k)

my hubbies sister is adopted from Korea.. they adopted her when she was 4 and it was great for their family..



Christy, I know what you mean.. it seem more desirable when we know we can't "have it" I know that's a little bit of it..lol But i have so much love to offer a third baby.. I love my first 2 babies like no other.. They are my world.. I don't want to take away from them.. I just wanted to give them another gift of a sibling.. But i know it isn't possible.. SO i will channel all my love and energy on my kids and husband and be thankful for what i do have..



thank you :)

Christy - posted on 02/02/2012

2,218

41

438

Some things seem more desirable when we know we can't "have it" if that makes sense. I say be happy with what you have, a reversal is very stressful on the man (the procedure) and is never 100%. I don't mean to sound mean, BTW.



I know how you feel. I have a 3 and 4 yr old, and am 38 now. We were married 12 yrs before we tried and BAM! Had 2 within 2 yrs. I want a third at times, but I know it isn't financially possible (for us) and when I have the urge, I concentrate on the 2 I have.



Good luck!

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms