What do I do about an absent father trying to take my daughter?

Marissa - posted on 10/12/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )




For three years it has just been me and my daughter. All of a sudden her "father" wants back in our lives. He's been absent for three years and now he comes back with saying that I'm only hurting her. My child has all the love she needs. She has me, her aunt and uncle, her grandparents, and multiple cousins who adore her. Why should he be able to come back? He tells me that he "deserves" to know her. Why? She never once asks about a father. She knows the concept of mom and dad but never says anything about why she does not have one. I feel it is unfair to allow a complete stranger to take my daughter away. What can I do about this?


Jodi - posted on 10/12/2012




Actually, your daughter has a right to get to know him. He doesn't deserve anything. BUT if he has now decided he would like to get to know her and have some time with her, then she deserves the opportunity to do that.

If you tell her, later in life when she asks about her dad, that her dad did come back at one point and want to get to know her and you wouldn't let him, she could get a little angry at you. As much as you don't agree with what he has done in the past, there is nothing in your post to suggest that he is abusive or in any way a bad influence on your daughter, and as a father, he actually does have rights (as does your daughter).

You could be open to negotiating a little visitation (i.e. start with a supervised afternoon each week or something and see how it goes). If you flat out refuse, he could very well talk to a lawyer and file in the courts for visitation, and they will probably give it.


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Dove - posted on 10/12/2012




Get a lawyer and go to court for custody and visitation (assuming you don't already HAVE a court order about those things). HE doesn't deserve a relationship with her, but SHE deserves to know who her father is.... Half of your child's genetic make up came from that man and while she may not have questions NOW.... she will in the future and it could come back to bite you if you are the reason she doesn't know her father.

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