What do I do about my 6 yr old son who is very self destructive and hurts others?

Crystal - posted on 10/12/2012 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I have a 6 year old step son who hits me and himself, he breaks everything, he refuses to do anything that is asked of him or anything he is required to do, actually right now at this time he has a black eye, and rug burn from doing these things. Again teachers have zero problems and other care givers also do not have any problems. I have a total of 4 children and he scares my other 3. He screams for long periods of time, I have tried multiple forms of discipline such as spanking, time outs, added chores, writing the I will not do it again, talking to him, taking things away, grounding him to his room, and the latest is the 1-2-3 Magic, and that also does not work. He has even gone as far as cutting off his 6 yr old sisters hair while she was asleep. I am scared for myself, and my other children, as well as for him. What is to become of him as an adult if he does not learn now? Also I have had him tested for ADHD, and Autism, they say he has nothing. Do you have any suggestions???

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Heather - posted on 10/15/2012

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I am sorry this is going to be very short, but maybe it will help. After reading the other messages on here, I have to agree that you need a second or third opinion. From the brief description you've given... fits of frustration that may include hurting himself and others, needing extra help learning to feed himself and potty train... it sounds like he might be on the Autism spectrum. I would need more details about what triggers the fits, how often they happen, and any other delays or problems he may be having to be sure. But I have a lot of experience with Autism. You can post more details here or message me if you want a better opinion.

User - posted on 10/12/2012

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lol, well thanks so much. It is a very trying thing to have 4 kids and all of them have some type of issue. My oldest son has adhd and heart disease and his father is so irresponsible and childish that we are trying to get full placement and it is just a personal fear for them to use my s-son against me because I think his father is desperate. But he also may not, I don't know. I have been going through the court system now since July and I personally do not have an attorney I couldn't afford one but I did get my son a Guardian Ad Litem, so that he was protected from any animosity my ex husband hands out. But my husband and I are doing it all by ourselves. Which is very difficult I have to present the evidence and ask the questions, and call witnesses. As for my s-son, I love him as if he was my own, and he has lived fully with my husband and I since 2009, his mother was homeless and they were living in a tent so we took him. And put him in school, potty trained him, taught him how to eat with silverware. He was so used to eating fast food and junk that he threw up everything he ate for almost a month. I felt terrible for him. And now he hits me and it breaks my heart and scares the other kids. And he is supposed to go to his mother's every other weekend but his step dad only wants him for one night every other weekend so he can get used to it, but I think he needs to see his mother more. And then the really messed up part is my s-son's mother is married to my daughter's father. And they also only want her one night every other weekend. Oh, wow I didn't even know how much I've written, lol. Anyway thank you for your advice it has been nice being able to tell someone all of this. :)

Kelly - posted on 10/12/2012

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Ask the system for more and more help. Anything to get someone's attention about the part that you feel it's bias cuz of your s-son. Do you need a different attorney maybe. idk I want to help you today. You hit a sore spot i guess.

Kelly - posted on 10/12/2012

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oh, I'm really feeling for you. this is a serious qustion- Have you thought about contacting Dr. Phil? My boyfriend did 3 weeks ago and they called him the same day asking if the other party(ex-wife) was willing to go on the show.(for parental alienation) She totally said No!! lol But really, they will fly you, and everything. He's wonderful.

User - posted on 10/12/2012

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I hear ya, ya he goes there and he has been seeing his counselor for a about 6 months now. And my 6 yr old daughter has the same counselor as well. I am also going through a child custody battle with my ex-husband for my oldest son and it scares me to think they may use my step son as a reason not to award me full placement. We have thought about sending him to live with his mother but we are unsure if that will help.

Kelly - posted on 10/12/2012

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One doctor does not exactly know about your son. It may take another doctor and another. I would have a problem with a (1) doctor who just met my son for what 1 hr. or even 3 hrs. I believe in 2 and 3rd opinions.

Kelly - posted on 10/12/2012

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I hope they can help you then. If it's not working, maybe more time needed or you have to really be your own advocate about if the professional expert is working out for your son. Do they help you in a way where they come to your home? just wondering, there is a program where they do that.

User - posted on 10/12/2012

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Thank youu for the suggestion, I did forget to mention he does see a counselor at Family and Children's Center as well as the school counselor. And we made a chart of everything that needs to be done from am to pm for him as well as a chore chart that tells him what chores on what days. We also did this for the other children to :)

Kelly - posted on 10/12/2012

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cognitive therapy , some kind of therapy will help him I'm sure. Don't give up , stay strong, and you will find him the right help. It sounds like some more structure could help and somebody he trusts to talk to.

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