what do i do bout my son of 19 wont sign on anymore and wont look for work

Mary - posted on 07/23/2012 ( 13 moms have responded )

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i dont know what to do dont want to be too hard on him as he was bullied at school and it knocked his confidence right down i want the best for him

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Diane - posted on 07/25/2012

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I have so much sympathy for the mums that have sons that were bullied, schools do not tackle this problem. I felt like banging my head, my son got very depressed and would not get out of bed. Even in England the help is not really much. I found I was expected to deal with it. The world seems to have no time for people who find it hard to cope and young men are especially vulnerable. They don't talk about feelings the same as women. I think you just have to support and hang on in there. Mums love their children unconditionally and that is what you do. Tell them often they are o.k. and look to the good things in them and try and build on those. Sometimes I think they are frightened!

Mary - posted on 07/24/2012

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i wish the schools would actually tackle the problem of bullying and not just ignore it , it affects so many people

Mary - posted on 07/24/2012

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gosh im so sorry for you but after all they are our flesh and blood and we will do anything for them ive got him helping more around the house he washes dishes hoovers puts out washing mows the grass and does lots of other gardening jobs i cant do so i guess he is at least doing something

Diane - posted on 07/24/2012

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Wow that was a really hard reply. My son would have been driven to commit suicide if I had taken that attitude. Tough love is o.k. if appropriate but it is not that easy!

Diane - posted on 07/24/2012

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My son was bullied and would not sign on. He also was very low. My belief was to sign on meant defeat! I did not push for him to do it. He did sign on many years later when his confidence with doing that grew.

Christina Van Der - posted on 07/24/2012

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O goodness I am in a similar actually exact same situation. My son is 21. And I know all about enabling... through him out 4 years ago took him back and hoped he has changed... BUT alas... and now I do not know what to do... He just say that he wont go..... I refuse food and he just wait till he gets an opportunity and eats anyway and then denies he did... I am unemployed and in SA there are very few almost NO good state help and he also wont go for any counseling... I sympathy with you!! It is difficult...

Mary - posted on 07/24/2012

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thankyou sharon i have discussed counselling with him but as you suggested yes he does close down he feels he hasnt got a problem im banging my head against a brick wall he wont go to see anyone like that thanks again for your input it does help

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Maybe he could enrol in a course that will help him get a proper job. You probably do need to be a little harder than you are currently being otherwise things won't get better for him. It wouldn't hurt for him to see a counsellor to help him with his confidence issues, tell him he needs to be strong because one day he won't have you to fall back on and he may have a wife and family to provide for. Is he easy to talk with or does he shut down? I wish I could give you solution but if it is all down to confidence then I think counselling is a good place to start.

Jodi - posted on 07/23/2012

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No worries. It was just that you said you didn't want to be hard on him, I assumed someone was paying for him. How is he getting money?

Mary - posted on 07/23/2012

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thanks jodi i dont buy him anything n he does most of his own food i am trying to be harder on him its not easy but thanks anyway

Jodi - posted on 07/23/2012

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I fyou want the best for him, you would stop enabling him. If he is that affected by bullying at school, he needs counselling. Otherwise, there is nothing wrong with him getting of his ass and getting a job or going to college. STOP ENABLING HIM. You are a part of the problem, not a part of the solution. If you want to be a part of the solution, and you want the best for him, be hard on him. Stop buying things for him, stop cooking for him, stop washing his laundry, in fact, stop doing everything for him. He is now an adult, and it is time he acted like one.

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