what do i do? my husband wants me to tell him every time am going out
Guest - posted on 05/23/2014
What do you mean by "going out?"
Do you mean that you need to call him at his work when you decide to go to the grocery store? Or is it more like "going out" with your girlfriends for a drink in the evening?
Also, do you mean "tell him" as in ask permission, or just let him know where you are?
If he is making you ask permission to go anywhere, then that is a problem that needs to be addressed. If he is asking you to inform him of your every move during the day, that is a problem as well, and should be addressed. How you address it is going to be pretty dependent on the details and severity. We can't help you without more details.
If he is just asking you to let him know if you are going out with friends, I think that is reasonable. For starters, if there are children involved, their care while you are out may affect him. Second, if you usually have dinner together, or if he is looking forward to spending time with you that evening and comes home to an empty house, that can be annoying for him. If you let him know, he can plan to pick up dinner or make plans with his own friends. In my relationship, my husband and I always let each other know if we are planning to be somewhere else during time we would usually spend together. That said, he doesn't care what I do while he's at work, but if it is something out of the ordinary, like going with friends to the beach or whatever, I let him know. That way, if something happens and I don't get home, he knows who I was with and where I was last.
Sarah - posted on 05/23/2014
I am confused. Are you meaning ask permission if you can go out? Or are you meaning to inform him of your plans? If it is the later then to me that is just being respectful. To me that is just part of communicating between each other.
Michelle - posted on 05/23/2014
Tell him that you are an adult and not his child and can go into the big wide world on your own.
If he doesn't like it then get out quick smart because that's how the abuse starts. He will slowly alienate you from your friends and family and then you won't have anyone to help you leave.
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