what do I do to get mr 27 year old son to be indepenent

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Linda - posted on 06/25/2013

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Thank you do much for taking time out to reply. Just been reading Dr. Phil - oh so right. I need to take control - big time - but see that it must be transitional- dad was the softy and gave in - I styed on the sidelines - can't do that anymore. Linda

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/25/2013

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Unfortunately, you've allowed your son to continue to be dependent on you for almost 10 years since he reached the age of majority.

You should have started fostering independence in the boy around the middle school age.

How do you do it now? Tough love, momma. He needs to be the adult that his age indicates, take care of his own crap, and do so on a regular basis. The only way he's going to learn that is if you stop. And don't give in.

However, he is not your crutch, either. He should be able to be supportive of your loss, and grieve for his own loss (if your partner was also his biological parent or a close step) but you should not be depending on him to be your strength...

You have my sympathy for your loss. I encourage you to get into some grief counseling for help in handling, and coping mechanisms for yourself. Also, your son may need some counseling of his own, seeing as how he's going to find it a tough row to hoe now that you actually want him to behave as an adult.

Linda - posted on 06/25/2013

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help - any ideas - just lost my partner and he refuses to stand on his own. At 28 years old he cant even help with my distress of losing my loved one of 34 years.

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