what do i do when my baby daddy does not pay child support but is always telling me he has a lot of money and that im never going to get it ?

Erika - posted on 11/04/2013 ( 14 moms have responded )

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i ad my child almost three years ago but me and her dad had been separated for more than that i dont receive any child support but he is constantly telling me he has alot of money but that iam never going to see any of it because he says im going to use it on me not her.(which never would i do that) every time i say he needs to pay he says he has bills to pay and to ask my boyfriend which i recently started dating to give me money which is totally ridiculous. He is really mad at the fact that iam now dating again so he thinks it makes it all better by texting me mean messages and calling me a bad mom and always harassing me. Every time i ask for something for my daughter or ask him to pay he says he has bills to pay he just got 2 dwi's and all the money goes to the court and lawyers just so he wount get locked up he sees my daughter every other Saturday and to me that is not a father to me a father is the one that raises them and takes care of them not the one that takes them out on weekends to eat or something but of course the law in texas claims that is '"the best interest of the child" i dont know what to do he never pays and is constantly harassing me what can i do?

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Mickie - posted on 11/07/2013

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hello erika, my name is mickie i live in AR. the laws mayb different there, but i have 3 kids by a guy i got with in high school. anyways after 20 yrs. of abuse, he finally went to prison & now im married & very happy. recently after "sperm donors" second time out of prison he took my 2 court 4 paternity & visition. but my oldest child that is 20 now got up there & told the truth abt how she had 2 grow up around him b4 7 after he got on meth, & the judge ordered him 2 pay child support on the younger two & no visition. so he went & got hisself back locked up 7 waiting 2 go back 2 prison. he didnt want visition, like u said "its all abt them, they think" so take him 2 court & make him pay. its not ur new boyfriends place 2 "take" the problem. but luckaly my youngest which is the only boy was only abt 14 months old when sperm donor got locked up he thinks my husband his his dad, which he is. any man can make a baby, but it takes a real man to b a dad. just sayin. good luck, hes being totally self centered.

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I would contact you local courts or child support division and have him held legally responsible. Most states will garnish wages in order to collect that money. I know that the mother of my boyfriend's daughters barely pays us $84 a month for both girls, unfortunately since she moves almost every month, and gets a new job almost every two months, it was harder for us to have her wages garnished. Either way, she's paying something which may cover a couple pairs of shoes or school clothes, but it's better than nothing. And I'm sure that if you contacted someone in your local courts, you may get something...which is better than nothing!

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In the US, child support orders are very rarely enforced because they are so back logged. VERY few non custodial parents actually pay their child support bills on a regular basis. There are just too many who are in contempt to enforce it.

People need to learn that you CANNOT DEPEND ON ANOTHER PERSON TO HELP YOU!!!!!! People--and I don't just mean moms or women, men too--think that just because they made a child with someone this person will stick around forever and help them raise this child. That doesn't often happen. I know it does sometimes, and it is really, REALLY wonderful when it does, but you cannot base your life on the idea that this person will stick around and help.
When you have a child, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make sure you have a financial plan in place to care for the child WITHOUT help from other people. If that means relying on social assistance, so be it--at least you can depend on getting it if you fit the criteria. I don't mean to sound harsh, but this is the reality. I see this too often, and it would be so easy to prevent it.

This topic is very close to my heart because I work in a homeless shelter. I spearhead a program that helps homeless mothers get into the workforce, and last month was a VERY hard month. Yesterday alone I spoke to 9 women who were now homeless because their ex boyfriend would not pay child support. Last month, I had to go through the very painful process of putting 4 children into the foster care system because their moms were so financially wrecked there was no way to properly, to safely care for these children. This year alone, I put 27 children into foster care--these are kids, not babies. They are alone, they know what it is truly like to have no one to depend on. There is no one to read a story to them or help with their homework. Most of them are severely behind academically. When they grow up and have babies, there will be no proud grandparents or aunts and uncles. There will be no one to call with questions about parenthood because kids this age don't get adopted.

My advice for you, Erika. Put together a financial plan that does not require support from your child's father. When he does pay up, drop the cash in your precious daughter's college fund. I know she deserves better than what he is willing to give her, but you can't depend on him and neither can she--you need to be everything for her right now. It's not fair, I get that, but it's the way it often works out. EVERY SINGLE TIME he misses a payment, you report it. You will likely never see that money, but in the event that you want full custody, you will have those reports to back up your case. Also, in the event that enforcement laws ever change (and there is talk of this happening) you will have those reports to submit.

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Erika - posted on 11/08/2013

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i tought maybe iwas the one being selfish but you are right a father is the one who raises them not who makes them

Erika - posted on 11/05/2013

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if he does not want take on the responsibility on taking care of a child than why stick around no one is making him be in her life. But it hink is the fact that i am dating again and he wants to get me back trought my daughter because he knows i will do anything for her so i think he sticks around just to make my life harder with out thinking of his child he always says he is going to sing his rights to my bf so he wount have to pay for child support what dad in their right mind says that?

Erika - posted on 11/05/2013

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thanks jodi and i tried telling him if u think i will spend the money on me than why dont you buy her the stuff and just send it when u come drop her off? his answer is always you ask for too much and that all i want is money i dont ask anymore because i want to avoid getting in an altercation he says he just wants to see her when he feels like it and not pay and i guess the sate is okay with childs going trough that confusion.

Erika - posted on 11/05/2013

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i totally understand but i did not mention he is the one who filed for child support because he said he wanted more visitation now that that is done he dosent visit like he is supposed to and yeah i actually do have a financial plan she has everything she needs ive learned that u can not depend on people and i totally get that but how is it that the state dosent see that that can also harm the child when they let him take her only when he feels like it and not worry about one single thing ? i feel like he is confusing my daughter and he only takes her for a few hours. My point is that how is this in the best interest of the child when a dad only comes around when he wants to and not have to pay for her future? its just that i follow all the rules on the court order never have i once denied visitation i just dont get how he says he wants to be in her life but not help her? he says he wants to be there but not pay child support. to me that just does not make sense .

Jodi - posted on 11/04/2013

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Erika, I can't comment on the system of enforcement (or lack thereof), but have you attempted to approach him by asking that if his problem is that he thinks you won't spend it on the child, why can't he pay some of the child's bills directly (childcare, clothes, school, or other direct payments for the child's needs)? Just a thought of a way you may be able to get some assistance while the system works its way at snaill pace.

Erika - posted on 11/04/2013

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yes i went to go make an enforcement but they always say to give it some time that maybe hes just late on the payments the told me that for almost 4 months just this past week they said that they will work on it and since then i call every day and they say "we are working on it" and that it could take up to months for that to happen

Erika - posted on 11/04/2013

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i actually do have one and he is forced to pay but he gets payed cash and he owns more than 7,000 in child support but the state of Texas never does anything in regards to it their system is really slow and yes i believe child support is ONLY for m daughter but uses that as on of the excuses to why not to pay it.

Ev - posted on 11/04/2013

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You did not say if you had a court order for custody, child support or visitation set up.

If it is just about the child support, you need a court order. That means the court will tell dad what he has to pay based on his income and the percentage that TEXAS decides needs to go to the child. Child support by definition loosely here is that its use is for the child's needs: Food, Clothing, Housing, Utilities for that housing, and whatever other needs that child has need of. It is not for mom to use for herself or even for dad to use for himself. It can be added to help pay rent, utilities, food bill, clothing, and such.

BUT YOU NEED TO GET A COURT ORDER.

Erika - posted on 11/04/2013

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ive been racing her on my own and giving her everything since day one why does a "father" so called get to be worry free and still not support his child emotionally and financially get the support from the state how is that for the better sake of m child?

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