What do I tell my 5yr old about her biological father????

Wendy - posted on 09/02/2015 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I've been a single mom since I was pregnant. Had a very short relationship with my daughters father who didn't want anything to do with me when I found out I was pregnant. I've kept track of him through social media and I have run into him while with my daughter. But I've always told her, "sweety not everyone has a daddy, and not everyone has mommy's or grandparents" and that its normal.... but of coarse this has run its coarse. She now knows it takes a mommy and daddy to make a baby, and I've over heard her speaking to kids who ask where her daddy is and she will answer BY HER OWN MERITS "I must have had one before I was born, but I dont now".... so this is how smart she is. PLEASE HELP. I want to approach her about it BUT HOW and WHAT is the best thing to say before she feels that I am avoiding the subject.

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Dove - posted on 09/03/2015

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I don't have a clue on the laws in Central America, so I won't touch on the legal aspect of child support... But MORALLY your child has a right to be supported by both parents whether 'you' need it or not.... and she also has a moral right to a relationship w/ her father IF he wants to be there.

As for what you tell her if he doesn't want to be involved... she had a father that helped create her, but he wasn't able to be a daddy... so he left her in your care knowing that her grandpa and uncle would be there for her.

Or something like that... she may be smart, but you also have to gauge her emotional maturity to know how much to say and when. It's not ever an easy situation to be rejected by your father... but you CAN help her through it.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 09/02/2015

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First off, please tell me you have pursued child support. Even if he wants nothing to do with his child, she is still his financial responsibility.

I agree with Sarah 100%. Tell her. Show her pictures. Let her know who her father is. Contact him. Let him know she wants to meet him (if she does). If he does not, maybe his parents would like to meet their grandchild. Good luck love. The sooner you tell her, the less complicated it will be.

Sarah - posted on 09/02/2015

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If you feel he would be a positive influence in her life I would try and her them connected.

Sarah - posted on 09/02/2015

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Just tell her the truth as simple as you can. You don't have to go into great detail now (as she grows and gets older you keep adding to it). It should always be the truth and communication should always be open.

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 09/03/2015

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If you have had a DNA test to prove paternity, THAT is what matters. Not the last name.

It has nothing to do with your dignity. The money is for your child. He has financial responsibility no matter what. You don't need it? Great. Put it into a savings account for your childs future.

Wendy - posted on 09/03/2015

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Well... here's the answer to the child support question.

1) I dont need it, financially I am in a good place!!! THANK GOD!!! Plus, I have some dignity I wanna hold on to...

2) Where I live (central america) if the child does not have the father's last name you cannot ask for child support! And there was no way in HELL that I was gonna give my daughter the last name of a man who did not show up to her birth!!!!!!

Wendy - posted on 09/02/2015

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Sarah, I am going to begin paving the way to opening up the communication with this guys mother first before bringing up anything to my daughter.

Wendy - posted on 09/02/2015

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Thanks Sarah... I guess where my guilt comes in is if I should try and track and open a line of communication with this guy. I know his family, and can get a hold of him if I wanted to. I also had him take a DNA test back when she was a year old so if she ever wanted to go looking for him, she could and she would have this as a "this paper says you're my real dad".

I haven't dated much and she hasn't seen me with anybody, and she does have a granpa and uncle that step up to the plate when need be, but its amazing how mature she is and how much she perceives that there's a small void there that she wishes someone can take. And I almost feel like at least I can say. HE DOES EXIST..... even if he is not present in your life, but that just opens up a whole new can of worms!!!!

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