What do you do for an out of control 10 yr old With Add, Anger issues, and Depression

Barbara - posted on 09/08/2009 ( 90 moms have responded )

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My son is 10. He has Add, Anger issues, and Depression. He is on no medication for any of these one doctors thinks he should but my ex husband and Ex mother-in-law says no. He has put me in walls, doors, run my head in walls his foot in my windshield. I ground him take away stuff it gets worse. My Ex husband and I went to court to get medication to help him but the court has put it where we both have to agree to it he doesn't get the kids very often his mother tries to blame everything on me but his dad isn't helping i call and tell him and he has only showed up one time when our son stole a wallet and i was taking him back to the store to return it and make him tell them what he had done and his dad wanted to pay for it and give it to him. I don't know how to handle my son anymore

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Sharon - posted on 09/08/2009

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Geezus woman.



Why does your husband disrespect you so much he refuses treatment for your desperately ill son.



Get your son counseling. If you're divorced, take him back to court to rights over his treatment. Take records of what he has done to you, your property, and other illegal activities.



Get him enrolled in sports. Soccer, football, whatever.



Counseling. He needs it for his anger issues. And the next time he runs your head into a wall, call the police then it'll be out of your husbands hands. You'll get a free visit with the judge and a chance to explain your side.

Christine - posted on 09/12/2009

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Hey Hunn,,,
My son (10 as well on Monday) has ADD and some anger issues,, I noticed it started around mid-grade 1. The teacher noticed changes too ,, His Father (my EX) thought nothing of his moodiness and really had no clue what he was like since my son only goes there every other weekend.
I began working with the school,, meeting after meetings to get him help. I agreed to go see our Family Dr. AND when there I asked if we could see a Developmental Pediatrician. I was at first apposed to medication. With the Dr.s help I bought a subliment called "Smart Squirts" its an Omega 3. It helped a bit but the Pediatrician suggested to just try the medication,, and WHAT A DIFFERENCE!!! My son is now back to the happy child he was in Kindergarden. He still has his 10year old moments too but not the full blown anger and lack of attention and hate for school.
Barbara, I would go to your family Dr and talk to him/her explain everything,, ask to see a Developmental Pediatrician. As well I would talk to his teacher (its the perfect time with school just starting) ask what programs are available to assist ,, see if there is a SERT available,, is he on an IEP for his school work??
It takes alot of work,, and I had to fight the Board but it's been worth it,,he's now in a self-contained class and has improved by leaps and bounds in school I've also had to fight with his Dad on a few things,,,
I am 100% here for you if you need advise or suggestions - I've been thru somethings similar with my son.
Start with the school,, get in there and get an appointment with his teacher and the SERT and principle all at once and dont' take no for an answer.
Then go see the doctor.
It will help your son!! I promise......
You sound like a fantastic caring loving Mum hang in there Barb :o)

TANYA - posted on 09/09/2009

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My 9 yr. old son has ADD and is on medication after my husband , myself and our Pediatrician have counsulted and agreed to take it slow. I cannot imagine with the other issues that your son has and you are basically ding it alone; how you are coping. I do have a question: Is the judge made aware that the child is with you 99.9% of the time , and you are the ones dealing with his behavior, not your ex or his mother.There are imbalances and this child needs help. I would get every teacher he has to write a letter of the difficulties that he is surley having in school to present to the judge as well. Dad is hurting wayyyyy moe than he is helping. You have to do what ever you need to do , so that your son is productive ina nd out of school. And (sorry) but Dad and his mother br Damned. Good Luck and you and your family will be in my prayers.

Sandra - posted on 09/09/2009

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Barbara I think that your Ex - husband just soundz like a mummys boy and I think that you should fight to have your son on Medication and as for the mother in - law if she couldnt do her job right the first time tell her to butt out and let you be a mum.

The thing I dont understand is that they are not around your son 24/7 so they dont have to deal wit the big picture just what they get told and I think you seriously need to try a take a step further and say you fear for your life which soon may be a concern and the Ex is not doing your son any favours especially in the long run when your son hits his teens and does not get the help that he needs.

So I say go ahead and dont give up there must be someone that can help you further.

Good Luck

Sandra from Melbourne

Jackie - posted on 09/08/2009

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Sweetie if you are the primary caregiver you need to get help for you child. Get a second opinion on the medication issue, get him some therapy for the anger and depression because even without medication with the proper therapist he can get some help. I am certain that your son even though you have a ADD diagnosis it is probably not all of his issues. I strong encourage you to work through things with both your son and his father.

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BARBARA - posted on 08/01/2011

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Does anyone out there know of a place for 18 and older kids with these neurological problems? There are going to be many of them in the coming years as kids with autism grow up.

Monica - posted on 09/30/2009

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My son was diagnosed with ADHD at 5 years old. He was too young to medicate, but by the age of 7 he was and thank goodness. He used to do terribly in school and have such anger issues that I was terrified he would kill or severly hurt one of his brothers or cousins. At first we had to try several different knids of meds to see what worked best for him. We tried couselors, shrinks everything finially we found the perfect meds for him and he is now 16 on the same meds and get's A's and B's and is really a good kid. But if he happens to forget to take his meds twice a day, you can totally see a difference. Seriously consider medication, some kids just need it. Monica

Monica - posted on 09/30/2009

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Quoting Barbara:

What do you do for an out of control 10 yr old With Add, Anger issues, and Depression

My son is 10. He has Add, Anger issues, and Depression. He is on no medication for any of these one doctors thinks he should but my ex husband and Ex mother-in-law says no. He has put me in walls, doors, run my head in walls his foot in my windshield. I ground him take away stuff it gets worse. My Ex husband and I went to court to get medication to help him but the court has put it where we both have to agree to it he doesn't get the kids very often his mother tries to blame everything on me but his dad isn't helping i call and tell him and he has only showed up one time when our son stole a wallet and i was taking him back to the store to return it and make him tell them what he had done and his dad wanted to pay for it and give it to him. I don't know how to handle my son anymore


 

Margaret - posted on 09/19/2009

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There is a therapist in Granville who is doing some alternative therapy with children like you describe. Her name is Kathy Spohn and she is very gifted. She works with essential oils that can effect the brain and calm it down and help release emotions. She teaches classes in aromatherapy and certified.

Nikki - posted on 09/14/2009

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You need to get him help asap. I work at a level 8 high risk facility with teen females with some of the same issues and the reason they are here is because parents like your husband refused to get them help and they ended up committing crimes to the extreme that got them locked up. I know stealing the wallet was small but that is how it all begins and if he is hurting you at ten just imagine what he will be doing at 13. My program helps to rehibilate kids to go back into society and not make the same mistakes. Some are medicated and do great, but they all receive therapy that is a must. I am unsure of your ex husband take on therapy but it works well for our kids. I mean you and your husband have to see its not about you or being labled but its about getting your son the treatment that he needs before he seriously hurts you or someone else. Also make sure you have records of dates that can only help you. However if that doesnt work then give him to your son for a year and see if he can do a better job then you along with his mother then he will see its something serious. Get your son help before he ends up in a program where I work and that you dont want

Lacey - posted on 09/14/2009

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First off, who cares what the ex family says. I would ask your pediatrician what if he/she can write a statement for the court showing your son needs this medicine to better persuade the judge. If your son needs meds and his doctor thinks he needs the medication give him medication. I have 2 family members with the same problem, as soon as they got on medication, they both pulled up their grades in school, mellowed out...but not like zombie mellow, but their behavior improved. If you can not get him on medication, take him to a therapist that may be able to help. You may need to do that anyway to help with the anger and depression.

Carrie - posted on 09/14/2009

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I went through some similar things and my son was only 4 at the time! He would punch, bite, kick, tried to smother his little sister....It was awful. I was torn apart on the inside because I couldn't understand how I could Love and Hate my own child. I was seperated from my husband and that only worsened my son's depression issues. I held out on putting him on meds but the psychologist (which the state did provide to us because I gave poooor a new name at the time...lol) encouraged me to put him on ADD medication. I noticed improvement w/in a few weeks and with in 2 months my son was a totally different child! I had my sweet little boy back!

With the meds and the counseling we both learned how to maintain his medication, moods, and depression. I do know that you can take your ex back to court and provide a detailed history of what your son has been doing and the judge will undoubtedly grant you the ability to have him Treated (you must have a clinical psychologist evaluate him and diagnose him first). Good Luck and God Bless!!

User - posted on 09/14/2009

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I raised a stepson with these same issues and one of the best pieces of advice I got from a counselor was to not focus on what happens at the "other" house - in fact, I was told to tell the child that these are two separate things. When I stopped trying to make the other parent conform to our more structured environment, the pressure came off the kid and he actually conformed more when with us. And didn't feel any guilt about doing something different at the other house. I know this sounds counter-intuitive, but trust me - you could be describing my step-son and he went from exactly this behavior at that age, to being a sweetheart and an honor student a couple years later. It can happen. You can't control what your ex does - focusing less on it (I know it's hard) will help - from someone who's been there.

Janice - posted on 09/13/2009

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my son was very out of control and we ended up takeing him to a counsaler(sorry for spelling) and this person he talk to didnt just take him in there and talk they got to know each other by playing vedio games and such stuff like that! My husband and i were haveing trouble also and that saounds like whats going on with him he probably is angry because mom and dad aint together anymore and he is takeing it out on mom!

Gilda - posted on 09/13/2009

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Hi! I'm new to this site & I was reading your post.. My son was first diagnose with ADHD, when he was in the 1st grade, he was held back in the 1st grade the teacher told me that my son didn't know how to read, which by the way she was full of it, due to the fact that both my boys were in pre-school sinces they were 3yrs old & knew how to read.. I did ask for help but supposely they(the school district wasn't allowed to help) again, she was full of it..

Well I finally got the help after my son(my oldest) kept getting in trouble at school, he even stole from his teacher & blamed it on his "lil" brother (he was a grade below my son).. I too was a single mother, & had an ex and in laws that told me that nothing was wrong with my son.. I told them that I was going to do what ever it took for my son to be the guy I knew he was.. He started counseling, he had so many anger issues that he kept bottled up inside.. My son opened up to his counsler.. My son was put on meds which I didn't want to but the dr & the counsler agree 100% that it was for the best.. So as time went by I started seeing some GREAT, WONDERFUL changes in him.. By the time he was in the 9th or 10th grade he was diagnosed with ADD, & out of nowhwere my son told me that he didn't want to be on his meds anymore, so the wonderful man he had become, flushed them down the toliet.. He's 21 yrs old, he graduated in 2007 & is doing great, holding down a job.. Do what YOU think is best.. You are the one that is dealing with all of this,, I'm not telling you to put your son on meds but don't let your ex or your in laws tell you what is best for YOUR son.. You are the one that is with your son all day every day..There is help.. Keep fighting for what you want.. I don't know if any of this is helpful but know that your NOT alone.. Just keep fighting for your son.. I know he means the world to you & you want what is best for him.. I did what ever it took to see my son thrive.. And you can too.. There is a light at the end of tunnel..

Teri - posted on 09/13/2009

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I've seen 10 year old children that have such issues. Is there any genetic history of this behavior? If not, its environmental - ie dealing with divorce, peers, etc. I'm guessing he's very intelligent.... ADD & ADHD are often misdiagnosed for highly intelligent children. (There is still NO official diagnosis of ADD or ADHD..it's all a guess, followed by medication). God Bless you for prioritizing your son, and trying your best to hold him responsible for his actions! Try school counselors, professional counselors - anyone...but make the court demand that your husband be at EVERY appointment with you and your son .. maybe he'll understand.

Lisa - posted on 09/13/2009

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I don't know where you live but in PA, there is something called Provder 50 services. You have to apply for Social Security disability for your son, likey get denied and take that to medical asistance. He will qualify based on his diagnoses and then you can get help from P50. They offer Behavioral serivces, therapeutic services and such. My son is almost 12 and benefited from these services. He suffers from anxiety and has ADHD. He learned some coping methods for his ADHD as well as anxiety and anger. He was discharged back in February and he is a much different child than when we started. It doesn't work for everyone but if it is available to you, give it a try! Good luck to you!

Diane - posted on 09/13/2009

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If you are the one takig care of him al the time having probems you need to do what you think is best for the child and yourself. I am raising my grandson he is now14 and he had put me through hell. A week did not go by thatI didn't have to leave my job and go to the school,we stopped getting invitations to family functions, friends stopped coming by. His maternal grandmother and mother where against drugs but I see how her sons turned out (they stay in prison) my son didn't care either way and it was left up to me. I also found programs to put him in that deal with children with his issues ADHD,depression,anger,feeling of abandonment from mother(she shows up when she wants, sometimes he goes 2 years without seeing or hearing from her and she lives in the same town) This year has been great the program Value Options has been a big help to us he has as theripist that comes to the house once a week and a mentor. And they helped get him in a school for children with problems lie him. I hole this has helped believe me I know it's not easy. I had been so stressed out I lost my hair and I had no family support and still don't. It's just my grandson and I. You have to think about yourself also, because wht will happen if you get sick?

Jennifer - posted on 09/12/2009

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I Also forgot swimming. It really helps kids with add. Give it a try. At least 4x a week if possible.

Jennifer - posted on 09/12/2009

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Quoting Barbara:

What do you do for an out of control 10 yr old With Add, Anger issues, and Depression

My son is 10. He has Add, Anger issues, and Depression. He is on no medication for any of these one doctors thinks he should but my ex husband and Ex mother-in-law says no. He has put me in walls, doors, run my head in walls his foot in my windshield. I ground him take away stuff it gets worse. My Ex husband and I went to court to get medication to help him but the court has put it where we both have to agree to it he doesn't get the kids very often his mother tries to blame everything on me but his dad isn't helping i call and tell him and he has only showed up one time when our son stole a wallet and i was taking him back to the store to return it and make him tell them what he had done and his dad wanted to pay for it and give it to him. I don't know how to handle my son anymore


As a teacher for many years, and with children of my own, I have done so much research and observation. Garden of  life and nordic naturals make a great fish oil supplement for kids. Omega threes are essential. Go to a natural Doc. and have your child tested for evironmental and food allergies. He will also tell you what vitamins he may need.  A  suger free gluten free diet diet with a primary focus on whole foods  is a proven method of help. But be aware it takes a few months for the body to detox. Behavior becomes worse before it gets better.  Doctor Ronald  Hoffman has a radio show you listen and can call into, he is great, he also sees patients. Also Dr. Joel Furhman, is a great alternative Doctor. Look up Gabrelle traub, she is a great homeopath, who can find great  remedies to help. Last but not least get rid of  all media in your home. (Taking these things away is not enough, as they are in my opinion a part of the cause. ) TV,  PC's( with the pc- exception for adult use only) i phones and hand held  gameboys ect remove them at once. Drastic times call for drastic measures.   SInce the induction of the 24 hor non stop media craze put into the hands of babes, there are more cases of add in world history. The advertisers could care less, it is a billlion dollar industry. Do your research and you will see that I kidd you not. Television turns the brain into mush. Think how it got its nickname the idiot box.  Remember children copy anything they see from tv, from violent ads to inappropriate thems and behavior.   So if  you have a kid with Add  you and your family have to make a complete kind of lifestyle change. Experiment with these things. Go  without them you have nothing to lose. I have seen it work  with so many of my families.  Read lots of books on the subject.  Also get good professsional help. You cannot do it alone. Try to avoid medicating.  Sometimes Medication only treats symptoms and not the cause and most always has side effects.  Are you familiar with Waldorf education. Seek out Waldorf educators, and curative Eurthmy. They have much success in these cases. I hope this has been helpful. Jennifer                                            

Deborah - posted on 09/12/2009

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I agree with those who say check his diet. We have all those issues in my home, mostly from my 10yo and 8yo dd's. But they are TOTALLY in control if I am careful to TOTALLY control their diet. That means packing lunches and snacks when they go to friends houses, not eating out..... But I found the solution without meds. Unfortunately, 80% improvement in diet does not equal 80% improvement in behavior. You've got to find the trigger(s) and you've got to totally eliminate them. The best part is, once it's cleared out of his system, he'll notice the difference and make sure he stays on track. For more info and encouragement from many others just like us, visit www.feingold.org. Blessing and prayers.

Jennifer - posted on 09/12/2009

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Barbara i also have a child with add i strongly encourage you to run out and buy the book {driven to distraction by edward hallowell &jhon ratey } this book is written by two Dr who also have add listen to your motherly instincts also there are some great web sites Chadd is a great place to start but the book was the most helpful one i have ever read its my bible to add it covers everything after reading this book i understood so much about how my son was felling it was easier for us to be able to help him i wish you the best of luck

Nancy - posted on 09/12/2009

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I would have him checked for being Bipolar. He sounds like he has it by his actions. Kids are often misdiagnosed, esp with ADD. IF you can get him on meds for Bipolar, I think you would see a different child!!

Laura - posted on 09/12/2009

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I find it sad that this boy's father would deny him medical attention. Depression is a treatable condition. Would he deny insulin if your son were diabetic? There is no difference. I would certainly look into getting Wrap Around Services. Having a TSS will give you some support and they will also document all that goes on. You may also want to look into OT to see if he has any sensory issues. Sometimes kids have trouble handling sensations or they seek out lots of sensations-these behaviors usually look like acting out. It could help to learn what sensations may set him off (too much noise, certain textures, certain smells). Good luck!!

Jacki - posted on 09/12/2009

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Quoting Barbara:

I did enroll him in counseling, But then again you have to have a consent routine with a child that has these problems but i can't have a routine if his dad and grandparents don't like the routine or the grounding and refuse to keep to the routine if i say no games they let him anyway. He is in public school Teachers agree with me but with everything for some reason they can't go to court. He is in Football, and baseball. I haven't done any records but i will start writing all of this stuff down and taking pictures now. Thank you ladies for all your encouraging words



It sounds like you're going in the right direction with him but I know it has to feel like a long battle because your not only fighting for your son, your fighting his father and grandparents.



I feel for you with not having the support of the 'family' members that are suppose to have his best interest in mind also.... Have you started, or thought about, you going and talking to a counseler for yourself ? If not you should, you have a ton on your plate and have no help mentally with his father and (Im guessing) his parents. You have to be healthy mentally too so you can fight this battle that you're in and stop this insanity with your son, it will only get worse!



God bless, I'll add you and your son in my prayers

Ally - posted on 09/12/2009

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My soon to be 12 yr old has been diagnosed with ADD i had him on Stratera medication for six months and found a huge difference to his behaviour. i took him off it after that as i wanted to deal with it without meds. By the sounds of it he is much calmer than yr boy. I found that alot of it was due to my ex husband and his attitude we still have issues with lying mainly and the always not listening . I have heard omega 3 fish oil tablets are a gr8 help and they seem to work if you can get them to take them. My son causes alot of probs with my fiance and my relationship it is very hard at times to deal with but we keep persisting wiht constant discipline no smaking but grounding seems to work for a while. Just know yr not the only one as sometimes it seems yr so alone.

Dreama - posted on 09/12/2009

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Hi I have read your story and I know how you feel I seen my brother go threw the same thing with his daughter but the mother had her and he didn't. First I would get him counseling and I would go myself and sections with him. I would try listening to him and finding out why hes feeling this way. Question 1. was he like this when you and your husband was togeather if not then you need to ask yourself why now. I would like you to read something and ask yourself if this is whats happening there is a artical called Parental Alienation the reason i am saying this is my brothers loves his daughter dearly and would have done anything for her but she faught with him all the way slapped him, and so on he tried to get her help but again the mother was right he was wrong. Sounds like your a good parent, I understand its tough but try reading that artical it might help you better to understand whats happening if I'm right. I am not saying he won't need help or with meds but there is other things to think about also. Also can you qualify for legal aid that could help you with the other things also if you can't afford an attorney. Hope this helped but please read that artical.

Peggy - posted on 09/11/2009

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document everything, get all the medical reports and doctor opinions, school teachers and counselors..............then take the ex-husband back to court so that you can get this child the help he needs. Bring the doctors with you.....and what a shame his grandmother is so hateful..this doesn't help. Maybe that needs to be documented and brought into the light at court too.

Rebecca - posted on 09/11/2009

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Say your prayers & I will say one for you also and then if your ex-husband wants to stick his head in the sand & ignore the problem then maybe you need to let your son stay with his dad for a little while & dad & son can both have reality checks! You can't let your son hit on you & abuse you! If he doesn't get himself under control now, what will he be like as an adult?

Cindy - posted on 09/11/2009

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Barbara, believe me, your son need medication. It may take a few tries to get the right medicine, but it can make all the difference in the world! We started our son on medication when he was 8 years old. Then when he was 15 he dediced he was not going to take it anymore. We made him take it in front of us, yet he would fake that he swallowed it, or he would put up such a fight that his father and I would be stressed out. In any case, when he stopped taking it, he became very angry and unable to focus in school. He then started taking drugs . . . any kind . . . sudafed, tylenol, codene, marijuana . . . it did not matter whether it was over the counter or illegal drugs. Then one time when he took a bunch of sudafed or something like that, he got in a fight and ended up stabbing a kid in the arm & running. He ended up in junvenile hall and on probation. Once on probation, the court said he had to take his medicine & he did . . for two years, then once he was off probation he stopped taking it again . . . and now he has anger issues, etc. again . . . believe me the medicine helps!! Sincerely, Frustrated Again!

Lisa - posted on 09/11/2009

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There is a vitamin that is all natural that he can take that is safe that will help control his add as well as his depression.If interested e-mail me.

Yelena - posted on 09/11/2009

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You poor thing! I have a 9 year old daughter who has finally been diagonsed with PDD, a form of autism. We started giving her seriquel a year ago, and she wouldn't be able to stay in our home without it. Even on her meds she has such angry bursts at least once a day we have to restrain her to not hurt herself or siblings. I am very lucky my husband is stronger than me and can help. He is not her father so she responds very poorly to him. We have covered all our bases with school and counclors to make sure noone acuses us of abuse. Seriquel is VERY strong, and I battle every day if she should take it. It is very had. I also have a step-son with diabetes who's mother deals with him as your ex with your son. After years of court battles to find him over and over, he came for the summer and got cought stealing, alot, lied about everything, and has NO respect for anyone. When we have tryed to get him to return what he stole his mother said he learned it from us- he hasn't lived with us EVER till this summer. The worst part is she doesn't take care of his diabetes right, and tells him to lie to us about what he eats and how much insulin they give him . The courts don't help much in these situations, but maybe you can ask social services for help. I hate them, but they have more athority than anyone when it comes to kids. If you show them his medical need for a med that his father isn't letting him take, they call it medical neglect. If he's a danger to himself , you or others it's time to intervien. GOOD LUCK

Jan - posted on 09/11/2009

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Get him on meds! I'm a nurse who has worked in child and adolescent psych. As these aggressive patterns continue, his brain is developing abnormal "wiring" paths! Meds can help him calm down enough to learn in school, accept therapy, etc. Man, without the support of his dad, I just don't know. But from what you say, your son is already a danger to himself and others. This is the kind of reasoning that may hold up in court. Keep telling yourself it's not his fault And you are understandably at your wit's end! Click onto my profile and leave a message so we can discuss this more! Prayers!

Corinne - posted on 09/11/2009

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First Paula;
How dare you go and put the blame on this mom w/out knowing the circumstances... Secondly, she cannot just quit the visitation... even if he does not pay child support. Do you have any kids or been through court yourself on this issue??? The Ex-mother in law needs to be out of the picture completely. This is the parents decision. She can be placed in contempt of a court order if she withholds his visitation. I just got done fighting the state of Minnesota for custody of my daughter. She went back to visit and they took her from her dads home. I have been in and out of the court system with my Ex. You really need to do research and learn about things before posting a reply... She could get herself into too much trouble following your advise.

Corinne - posted on 09/11/2009

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Quoting Paula :

Sound to me like you have avery troubled son. While I don't want to make you angry it appears the his father and you are much of the problem. I don't know why you seperated but from what you are saying I suspect abuse played a large part. It seems you are still letting this man control you. If you think he need meds then do it. Stpo the visitation with his father and grandparents as well. If he doesn't like it tough. I suspect he his suppose to keep the insurance and you already said he doesn't pay the child support, so let him take take you to court to stop what you are doing not the other way around. Abuse is abuse whether from and adult or a child. Call social services and see what help is available for you and your son. Find a Domestic violence center that can help with direction for you. If your daughter is starting to pick the behaviour then the issue definitley is not all your son. Get some help and get it now any way you can. If not you will only be placing all of you in more jeopardy and lots of hard times. It could be that if it goes far enough that your children could be motherless. Think about that and find the help you need somewhere.


 

Corinne - posted on 09/11/2009

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I know exactly what you are going through. Luckily I made all of the decisions. My ex was never involved. If you and your ex are able to sit down and discuss it, then you both need to have an appt together with a counselor or doctor to explain this to him.. My daughter was depressed and has ODD. There are meds out there to help with the disorder but be careful with them. My daughter got to the point of drinking and drugs, stealing from school lockers and from my current husband and me.... She was suspended in eighth grade for bringing beer to school. It is a very hard road with no help. My ex was never involved with my daughter, so I sent her to stay with family to get to know him because he was part of the issue. If nothing else, take your ex back to court, get written advise from doctors and counselors stating that he needs this medication and have the courts allow you to put him on it. Hope this helps

Corinne - posted on 09/11/2009

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Quoting Barbara:

What do you do for an out of control 10 yr old With Add, Anger issues, and Depression

My son is 10. He has Add, Anger issues, and Depression. He is on no medication for any of these one doctors thinks he should but my ex husband and Ex mother-in-law says no. He has put me in walls, doors, run my head in walls his foot in my windshield. I ground him take away stuff it gets worse. My Ex husband and I went to court to get medication to help him but the court has put it where we both have to agree to it he doesn't get the kids very often his mother tries to blame everything on me but his dad isn't helping i call and tell him and he has only showed up one time when our son stole a wallet and i was taking him back to the store to return it and make him tell them what he had done and his dad wanted to pay for it and give it to him. I don't know how to handle my son anymore


 

BarbarA - posted on 09/11/2009

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first you and the dad can't disagree on anything and you have to cme to a desision before you cnfront the child , get some help and if the medication isn't working try something, I have a grandson who is 7 now and he only acts up really in school, if the father isn't showing up regularly , the child is probably seeking attention from him, A boy needs his father, my grandson is better now since he lives with his fawther and has regular visits with his mother and me, never give up

Paula - posted on 09/11/2009

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Sound to me like you have avery troubled son. While I don't want to make you angry it appears the his father and you are much of the problem. I don't know why you seperated but from what you are saying I suspect abuse played a large part. It seems you are still letting this man control you. If you think he need meds then do it. Stpo the visitation with his father and grandparents as well. If he doesn't like it tough. I suspect he his suppose to keep the insurance and you already said he doesn't pay the child support, so let him take take you to court to stop what you are doing not the other way around. Abuse is abuse whether from and adult or a child. Call social services and see what help is available for you and your son. Find a Domestic violence center that can help with direction for you. If your daughter is starting to pick the behaviour then the issue definitley is not all your son. Get some help and get it now any way you can. If not you will only be placing all of you in more jeopardy and lots of hard times. It could be that if it goes far enough that your children could be motherless. Think about that and find the help you need somewhere.

[deleted account]

question, how do you help the teachers understand and encourage your child to keep focused when school is concerned?

Sherrian - posted on 09/11/2009

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OMG! My heart is crying out 4 u right now. One thing I don't understand is why do u have to consult or have your ex-husband's permission 2 do n e thing w/ur son. If u r with him majority of the time & he's living in ur house recking havoc. I just wondered how long this has been goin on and if it is a result of u and your husband's break-up. It seems like he's cryin out 4 his father's attention. Maybe your son needs 2 sit down and talk 2 a therapist. My oldest acted out when me & my husband seperated. So I will pray 4 u and ur situation. I hope things get better.

Amanda - posted on 09/11/2009

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I would say the same as everyone else, you need to go back to court! Poor baby having issues that he doesn't know how to handle either.... Until then I would put him in karate or something that way he can get his anger out and build his self esteem one on one!

Tammy - posted on 09/11/2009

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hi i can relate to u on alot of what u r going through. my son is adhd and he is 6 yrs old. his and father and i live together but he is against the medicine too. i think i finally got in talked into it. talk with his teacher at school and tell her the story. she/he should be able to help u. or do like the one other lady said and take it to court. i have my son in counceling now and he isnt on the medicine yet. my husband also will try and take up for our son when he does something he shouldnt of done. u r doing the right thing. u have to look what is best for your son and u. good luck to u sweetie. i hope everything works out for u and your son.

Beverly - posted on 09/11/2009

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My 10 year old daughter had these issues, and was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder which is managed with medication. She is a wonderful child now, and the hell that I went through with her before, is truly a thing of the past. Have you taken him to a child psychiatrist yet? My daughter was misdiagnosed for years with ADHD and ODD (oppositional defiance disorder). It turned out that the Ritalin for the ADHD was triggering episodes of mania. It is during the mania that she becomes very aggressive, and even hurts herself. When I took her off the Ritalin, the mania stopped, but depression came real bad. She cried when she couldn't tie her shoes.



Keep a calendar showing his mood swings, and what seems to trigger them. I hope it is not BP, but charting will help to identify the problem and triggers. It will also help you at doctors offices and in court to get him help. Here's a website with mood charts that you can use to help identify the problem.



http://www.bpinfo.net/mood_chart.htm

Jennifer - posted on 09/11/2009

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I hate to say this but try having your ex taking him for a while -let him see what you are going through,and as far as your ex mother in law- its not her buisness she needs to be informed that your sons issues are between you and his father;she doesn't seem to be helping only making things worse.It sounds like he needs to be on meds,I have a child w/problems and we broke down and put her on meds and what a difference it has made,good luck and hopfully your ex will learn to have an open mind its not easy to except when your child has a problem-God Bless

Julia - posted on 09/11/2009

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First thing I think we as parents need to understand about children with behavior issues is that medication isn't always a cure for everything. My husband and I were told by my son's teachers at school that he was ADD and that we needed to have him tested and medicated. So we did and it was awful, for him and us. We took him off the meds a week later. He was a zombie, wouldn't eat or sleep. I did some research and found that children with ADD have a really hard time doing normal activities or having a logical conversation because everything is overwhelming. Everything that is going on around them becomes too much for them to handle. Have you ever tried to read something when the t.v is blaring, people are talking to you, the dog is barking, the doorbell is ringing and a baby is crying all at the same time. It is irritating and frustrating and they say that's how it feels to have ADD, it's constant and there is never a break. They also say don't take things personal, the hitting and screaming and I hate yous is all frustration that keeps building. Maybe some physical activities before homework or dinner will help. A quiet place to call his own when he feels too overwhelmed. Try talking with a calm tone to your voice. Ask questions, how was school, did you have fun, what did you learn today, how are your friends at school. Talk about things he is interested in. No yelling or getting frustrated. Breathe.... if you think you have it bad, just imagine how he feels. Hang in there! : )

[deleted account]

I have always been told that ADD and ADHD children have a total of three Diagnosis, meaning that if your child is diagnosed with ADHD they almost always have two other diagnosis as well. Sounds like depression and ODD, which if not controlled will lead to conduct disorder, and you don't want that. My advice is to do everything you can to help your little guy. He is struggling to get help and desperately needs it. He is acting out against you to tell you to "help me i cannot control myself". I would go to and have, to the ends of the earth to help my son. Sometimes, counseling and medication are the only things that help. I have done the natural stuff and the stimulants and to be honest, the stimulants were the only things that worked. But, you just have to try.

Lauren - posted on 09/10/2009

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Hi Barbara,
It sounds like you have a really tough time at the moment. I'm sorry to hear this. Sounds like agreeing with your ex on a therapy is your biggest hurdle at the moment. Hope you can get over that one. I will pray for your situation.
I have ADD myself. I was medicated as a 10 year old & my parents said I became a bit like a zombie. After a year they took me off the meds but didn't replace it with anything. Having ADD is like spinning the wheels of a car - loads of energy used but you never get anywhere, the result is a lot of frustration.
As an adult I have discovered that a well managed diet does help - I went on an Anti Candida Diet & that made a lot of difference to my add & anxiety. (No sugar, no yeast, no dairy, no wheat). I still try to do a less strict version of it now. I did discover as an adult that ADD sufferers don't feel full, so they often keep eating. I always craved sugar & would eat until I made myself sick by accident. Then as a teenager I turned it into Bulimia.
A few people have already posted about fish oil being good. I agree. I also take colloidal minerals & a multi-vitamin supplement & that is very helpful with my concentration.

I'm not sure where you are, but recently I have come across a therapy that has made an enormous difference called SCENAR therapy. If you Google SCENAR HEALTH you will find the people who brought it into Australia (and I think they've just gone in to the US) It really is good & it's drug free.

Candy Lane - posted on 09/10/2009

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ADD or ADHD children should get help from a pschyatrist. Our 8yr old (my step-son) is seeing one twice a mo. or more, just been diagnosed and will start on light does of meds. He is very active in a variety of sports and school extra curricular activities.

Michelle - posted on 09/10/2009

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at the end of the day its not about the adults its about the children maybe your husband and mother in law should go and speak to a few doctors the courts cannot decide that as this is a condition which needs to be treated and if left un treated your son can do seriouse harm to him self and others your son will be depressed because he cannot control him self having a child with add is extremly hard and your husband and mother in law should not be thinking of there own selfish needs its whats best for your son and when a couple seperate they tend to bring there own emotions and put them on the children you are doing an amazing job as you are putting your son needs first don,t be hard on your self but between you and the doctor and your lawyer you can get the medication without your husbands approval and by reading what level your son is at with his add i think it is a must be strong a mother as a natural insticnt of what is best for there children

Annie - posted on 09/10/2009

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Barbara, I think the most powerful thing we could all do for your son is agree in prayer for him. I pray that he will let all bitterness wrath and anger be put away, with all malice. I pray that he will be kind to others, tenderhearted, forgiving others, just as God in Christ also forgave him. Eph 4:31-32 I pray that you will heal his broken heart and bind up his wounds Psalm 147:3 Lord I pray that no weapon formed against this boy will prosper. Isaiah 54:17 God, may your peace rest on this boy and this family and bring healing. Amen

Jenny - posted on 09/10/2009

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Quoting Barbara:

What do you do for an out of control 10 yr old With Add, Anger issues, and Depression

My son is 10. He has Add, Anger issues, and Depression. He is on no medication for any of these one doctors thinks he should but my ex husband and Ex mother-in-law says no. He has put me in walls, doors, run my head in walls his foot in my windshield. I ground him take away stuff it gets worse. My Ex husband and I went to court to get medication to help him but the court has put it where we both have to agree to it he doesn't get the kids very often his mother tries to blame everything on me but his dad isn't helping i call and tell him and he has only showed up one time when our son stole a wallet and i was taking him back to the store to return it and make him tell them what he had done and his dad wanted to pay for it and give it to him. I don't know how to handle my son anymore


My son is 13 5'7 and 200 lbs.
I've done the counseling, pychiatrist,pyschologist. Tried 3 different meds. They say he bipolar, add, ocd. When teachers, principle and school psychologist read the results they were schocked and in disbelief  of what the results said. Most to be untrue. Always get a second opinion on the results. After that I took him off meds and am trying to deal with it on my own.



   This all started at aroung the age of ten also. VERY ANGRY CHILD.



Choose your battles is an important one. I have called the police on my son 4 times. we are not bad parents, we are parents that are helping our children before the worst happens.



   My son hits me, throws things at me, threatens to push me down the steps, swears at me, and has raised and cocked an airsoft gun at me. The #1 thing that sets him off is lack of sleep.  Another thing I have learned is to back off till he calms down then finish whatever the problem is. At 13 the school finally got someone to come in for a select group of kids for anger management. Anger Management classes are more for adults than kids. I tried for 3 yrs before getting him in that class for a little bit. Keep track on what sets him off, most will see it as a brat but you will see a pattern if you're watching for it. Good luck to you.

Jenny - posted on 09/10/2009

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Quoting Barbara:

What do you do for an out of control 10 yr old With Add, Anger issues, and Depression

My son is 10. He has Add, Anger issues, and Depression. He is on no medication for any of these one doctors thinks he should but my ex husband and Ex mother-in-law says no. He has put me in walls, doors, run my head in walls his foot in my windshield. I ground him take away stuff it gets worse. My Ex husband and I went to court to get medication to help him but the court has put it where we both have to agree to it he doesn't get the kids very often his mother tries to blame everything on me but his dad isn't helping i call and tell him and he has only showed up one time when our son stole a wallet and i was taking him back to the store to return it and make him tell them what he had done and his dad wanted to pay for it and give it to him. I don't know how to handle my son anymore


 

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