What do you do/say when someone close to you verbally attacks you for your parenting choices?

Robyn - posted on 06/24/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Example: My mother-in-law is being (as I feel) verbally abusive to me in my choice to breastfeed my 5 month old. She has called me selfish & thinks that breastfeeding is selfish in that no one else gets to feed him. In actuality, I also pumped and have allowed her & my husband & others bottle feed him when they are able to & are around. I am a stay at home mom, who I breastfeed my two other boys till 6 months & am really wanting to breastfeed my 5 months old as long as possible (at least for a year). Since this will be our last child. Any tips & advice on her to approach her would be great as this has really caused me to have very bad feelings towards her. And I know her words affect my husband & he is pushing for me to quit breastfeeding too. Thinking that is takes up too much of my time.

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Krista - posted on 06/24/2012

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Your husband really needs to be going to bat for you, but he needs to smarten up and realize that you are giving your baby optimal nutrition. Let him know that this is something you enjoy, and something that is very good for your baby, and you need him to be supportive in this.

In the meantime, regarding your MIL, I would perfect the art of raising one eyebrow, while saying, "Thank you for your unsolicited opinion about my parenting choices." Deliver this in a voice so cold it could freeze-flash fish, and then change the topic. There's no point in getting in a drawn-out argument with someone so ignorant, but your husband really needs to tell her to mind her own damn business.

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Stephenie - posted on 07/01/2012

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Thats horrible that your husband isn't sharing your values in breastfeeding. He needs to be a team player and realize how beneficial your breastfeeding is. How awful for you! I had a rocky start with my MIL {my son is now 14mo} and I just told her that I see she did a wonderful job parenting but that not every choice she made is the choice I plan to make. I had to repeat it a couple times as she was hardheaded and not listening, but eventually she learned that I was going to do as I pleased regardless. Of course, living 600 miles apart is beneficial with that. As far as other people, I just tell them I won't judge them if they don't judge me.

Robyn - posted on 06/24/2012

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Thanks for all the advice/ comments. Yes, Seth is already feeding 3 meals a day. So I only feed him at most 5 breast feedings a day. I want to go a year or as long as he will let me.

Krista - posted on 06/24/2012

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HAHA!!! omg i would slap ur MIL. breastfeeding is the most unselfish thing you can do for your baby. tell her to go ask a doctor or read about it, basically anywhere.. dont stop because someone else wants to do it. its your baby and your bonding time with him.. tell them if they MUST feed your baby, you can pump it but otherwise tell em to change a diaper or something.. i have absolutely NEVER heard of anyone being so selfish and trying to take something so healthy away from your baby.

Iridescent - posted on 06/24/2012

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Breastfeeding is truly what is best for your baby - so many research articles show and confirm that. Sadly, history disregarded breastfeeding for several decades and it's still paying the price. Going to formula will take longer and cost more -
cost of bottles
cost of formula
time spent washing bottles
time spent preparing formula
There are vitamins still JUST being discovered! When it was learned that breast milk has DHA in it, formula companies jumped to add DHA to their formulas. Great, right? Not so much. It makes many kids ill because it's an algae derivative, not a human one. Formula is typically either milk based, which is not ideal for humans, or soy based, which predisposes them for hormonal imbalances.

The longer you can breastfeed, the better, and being a stay at home mom would allow you to even go up to and meet self-led weaning if you like. That is truly what is "natural" when you're able to do it, and usually happens at the 2-3 year mark. Even researching the non-government/non-dairy funded studies on cow's milk safety in humans should help encourage breastfeeding up to and beyond a year. Human milk is low protein and high in vitamins and minerals, which is what humans need for growth and calcium. The high protein content of dairy binds to calcium, so even though it's a high calcium product, it leeches more from the body than it adds, which contributes to osteopenia, osteomalacia, and osteoporosis.

Elizabeth - posted on 06/24/2012

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Your husband really needs to start supporting you. That is how a husband should behave towards his wife. Once he does this and then has a little chat with his mom about how you and he truly feel it is what is best for your child I think you may see a difference in her attitude.



I bet he must have said something or inferred that he supports her decision and so she feels justified. This is all speculation of course. It's clearly a power struggle.



As to the argument of it taking up too much of your time...as the baby grows you will decrease from lets say 5 feedings to eventually just 2 or 3 a day. The baby's need for being breastfed will become less as real food is introduced more . That will come shortly as your baby is already 5 months old.

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