what do you do when you find out you 15 year old is pregnant??

[deleted account] ( 245 moms have responded )

my child is 15 and is about to start school and has to face the many ridicules of life any suggestions???

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Bonnie - posted on 08/15/2009

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Quoting Jayme:



Quoting Sharon:




Quoting Jayme:





Quoting Jasmyn:






Quoting Sharon:

I would hope my daughter told me early enough that we could stop it.

But it sounds like you and she are going to have this baby. You suck it up and raise another baby because at 15 she isn't a woman, she's a child, you're the adult. I feel for you its going to suck a lot.












ya thats a great choice Sharon....get rid of the baby before anybody knows.  Before your perfect life is turned up side down.  Dont let anyone know your perfect little girl isnt perfect.  That makes me sick.  She made the decision to have sex and even though she is only 15 she should also make the decision whether or not to have the child.  If this happened to you, your daughter would not come to you and confide in you because she knows what your reaction will be.  She already knows your thoughts and she knows that you will make her do something that she will regret and then hold against you for the rest of her life.  A child is a blessing...a child deserves a shot a life whether it is with your family or someone elses.  Dont just kill a child because it is not convenient or fit into your life plan.  15 or not she needs to deal with the consequences of have unprotected sex. 















I couldn't have said it better myself!













Spare me.








 








She's 15 her body isn't even done growing yet.  She has NO concept of the time, money and sacrifice thats going to hit her.  Its not a child its a cluster of cells with the potential become a child.








Nice punishment by the way.  You had sex so now you're going to be shackeled for the next 18 years whether you want it or not.  Your entire family will have to reinvent their lives to fix a bad decision you made.








And lets just glorify teen sex - again.  Good god.  Look she's pregnant!  She gets special treatment and handling and no one thinks what she did is wrong! 








Lets all bend over and kiss our asses for the spoiled child.  And she is a child.








 








BTW who let this child be MIA to get pregnant?  Why wasn't someone keeping an eye on her?








 








Sorry - they're just raising another baby that will make more babies and we, the rest of society get to foot the bill.









I agree that she has no concept of what it takes to raise a baby, no first time parent does. And yes it is a cluster of cells but by now it already has a heartbeat which is society's definition of being alive. Now, I am pro-choice, but its the girls choice not her mothers. And there is always the choice of adoption so she isn't "shackeled" w/ the responsibility. There are plenty of nice couples out there trying to adopt. No matter what decision this teen makes it will change her life.






And no one on here is saying that what she did was right, but it happened. And what special treatment do we give pregnant teenagers? Do you even know half of what they go through?






As for your comment on who let the teen  be MIA...do you know where your teens are every minute of every day? I bet you don't, even if you think you do. And if you think otherwise you are dilusional and definitly forget what its like to be a teen. Unless your kids aren't teens yet, if thats the case...good luck, b/c you will definitely need it.






And yes, it is a baby having a baby. But that teen will have to grow up here real soon. And if your so against "footing the bill" and helping teen moms,  why don't you get involved in a group that tries to prevent teen pregnancy. Why don't you write to your congressman and govenor and try to get them to teach about contraceptives instead of abstinence? Or are you one of the parents thats against passing out free condoms? If so your a hypocrite.






Circle of Moms is supposed to be a support system, and all your doing is spewing negativity.





This thread disgusts me.  I feel very strongly toward one end of the argument, but that I'll keep it to myself.  I guess that this is likely what your daughter will be facing, Michelle, sprinkled with the evil edge that can be other judgemental teens. 



I haven't had your experience, but I've been a high school teacher for nearly 20 years, and I know what will happen at school.  Kids will parrot the ridiculous garbage from above if given a forum in which to do so.  She will have classes where teachers will encourage debate about topics that won't sit comfortably, and especially at the beginning of the school year, she'll be asked to share something personal about herself in nearly every class.  She will be sitting among peers who have never even kissed romantically, those who use sex as currency or a weapon, and those who need to destroy someone else because they desperately need to feel better about themselves.  She will be sitting among teens who won't know she's pregant until she hits her eighth month.  And she'll have teachers across the spectrum, as well.



You've had lots of discussion advice.  I would add that she needs to talk out an action plan.  She at least knows of other girls who have gotten pregnant; that's a good place to start for what she feels are appropriate actions.  She must have an adult vision of her circle of trust.  This is very hard to develop so quickly.  She needs to identify those who are truly secret-keepers.  Not that I would say that she should keep it a secret, but they are the only ones with whom I would allow myself to be vulnerable.  If she has one or two closest friends, maybe invite them over to share the plan, perhaps their mothers, too.  Sometimes friends' moms get freaked out that they are going to catch the pregnancy, and will force them to ostracize the pregnant teen--out of fear.  Consider how you would respond if the situation were turned.



Have her consider how students whose parents are extremely weatlhy or extremely poor operate within the school (it's more similar than you might think).  Have her consider what would happen if your family won 50 million dollars in the lottery (really think about it); how would it force her to behave at school?  How much information would she share?  With whom? 



I've seen train wrecks with girls who are proud of their pregnancies and are vocal and very overt in the aches and pains of growing a child.   If she were my daughter, I would encourage her to be  stoic; to not allow friends to let the pregnancy become the latest fad; to answer questions honestly, but not invite others into her pregnancy experience.  She should stay focused on academics and service and appropriate sports, and she should avoid drama-divas and rude boys with big mouths.  She has become an insta-adult, and as much as it pains me to say it, she may need to use these same strategies with the adults in education. 



Foremost, she should not lsten to or entertain the advice, thoughts, and opinions of anyone else about her pregnancy and the choices surrounding it.  It is damaging for everyone to label her situation as a mistake or an accident.  Mistake, miracle, accident, purposeful--talk through with her what it means to her to be a pregnant 15-year-old; she has to make that decision so that others won't tell her who she is and what she's done.



Know that adults in education, by law, have to report it if they believe that a child is pregnant.  Don't be offended.  It's to protect her and you.



I wish you both all of the best.  Motherhood isn't easy for anyone.  Together, you and she can handle anything some snotty teen who has no clue has to dish out.



Peace.

Krystal - posted on 08/14/2009

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give her all the options and weight out the costs. my sister was that young when she got pregnant and she is a great mother (shes 23 now). you shouldnt force her to do anything or else she'll resent you in the end.

Christina - posted on 08/14/2009

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i would say just explain to her that people will talk, people will name call...but she's doing the right thing by keeping her baby and taking responsibility for her actions .... but also explain that her body is going to change and ache and that her freedom is pretty much gone !!!! she has to learn that having a baby comes with alot of responsibilities ...mtv has a show 16 and pregnant i love that tv show its 16 yrs olds who get pregnant anf face the reality .

Charlotte - posted on 09/06/2009

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Hiya my daughters are quite young but ur question has made me wonder what i would do. I think if i was in ur situation i would start by giving a big hug and promising 2 stick by her every step of the way. Then i would explain that having a baby is the hardest job in the world. The baby will grow in2 a stropy teenager 1 day ( i think alot of young mums myself included 4get that these cute ickle babys grow up!) Also how much they will be losing from their own life ie when their friends turn 18 and start clubbing and their at home with a toddler. Also the effects on their unborn child and the life they can offer them. Lastly i think i would disscuss all the options of an early pregancy. I wish you and your daughter all the luck in the world.

xxxx

Doris - posted on 09/05/2009

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I have read many comments on this child and her unfortunate circumstances. Let us remember that this is about supporting one another with some sound advice. If it is indeed your daughter's decision to have this child, then support her thru your love, your motherly advice and thru prayers.



I was a teenage mother and my parents supported me even though they were disappointed with my actions. From this birth came two wonderful grandsons and from this came two beautiful great-grandchildren and what got me thru it all was prayers, love and support. My family never said "I told you so." It will not be easy and there will be trials, but count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the tesing of your faith produces patience." James1:2

Be kind and patient with your child and know that you both will be in my prayers whatever her decision may be.



Blessings!

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Lindsey - posted on 05/30/2011

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I was only 16 when I had my son. I found out the day before my Sophmore year of high school started. You really learn who your real friends are. Some of them will just ditch you because you are pregnant and others will invite you to do things sill like going to the movies and things that a pregnant girl/woman can do.

Shawna - posted on 09/10/2009

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Well have been 15 and prego my self there is nothing you can do about what other people are sayin or doing. What helped me out was my mothers support well concidering the situation, she ( I ) knew we already made a mistake and didnt need that rubbed in "our" face cause HELLO it will be in our face for the next 18 years just be there for her no matter what comes up love her and that baby if she chooses to keep her child as I am sure you will. Let the other idiots be idiots. She will grow up FAST trust me I didnt get to enjoy my teen years

Karol - posted on 09/10/2009

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i can help my daughter was 14 when we found out you have to deal with it all and all at once by yourself and with your spouse kids family yes their is anger tears and joy then its time to make a plan with her it cant be your plan only she can make the desition i know it is hard but it is her body and her life all u can do now is support her in any way she wants and needs u to dont hold anything back from her she has to know hwat this has done to everyone and what to exspect out of this my daughter had her daughter,graduated high school and is going to college,she worked all though her pregnancy and still works we told her she was her resposibilty not ours but that we would help her out if needed and we do, we kept her while in high school and while she works. she does this on her own the father is not around and wont be by choice so if this helps or just need to talk im here

Kim - posted on 09/10/2009

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The only thing you can do is be supportive. Is she keeping the baby? If so, get her into parenting classes now!! Not later!! Is she going to end the pregnancy? If so, get her into counseling and on birth control. Most of all, dont think that you are going to stop her from seeing 'that boy" again. She will be seeing that boy for a very long time if she keeps the baby. Sit down with both of them and his parents and figure out how all of you are going to raise this baby, cuz your gonna need the other parents help for the next couple of years.

[deleted account]

well, my son's girlfriend got pregnant at 17, MY soN TURNED 18 11 daYS AFTER THE BaBY was BORN. you weigh the options, decide what you can handle, we couldn't handle someone else raising our flesh and blood, that's just us, so we helped the kids.you definitely remain calm and help her through this time......she is a lot more scared than she would ever admit to you. YOU I am certain are terrified, I have been on both sides of this ......trust your heart on this one

Karma - posted on 09/09/2009

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Please just love her and support her through this. This is hard for her also. But please don't make her feel like she is a dirty horrible person. She is your beautiful daughter. Be their for her mom. She needs you now more than you will ever know. Please just love her and don't let anyone degrade her. Give her hugs and tell her you love her and her baby every day. Give her an extra hug from me. I am a 59 year old mother of three girls. I have been there myself.

Jaime - posted on 09/09/2009

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Quoting Jenny:

I don't recall this woman saying she was a Christian so perhaps the religious people should keep it to themselves? There is zero need to bring your god into this conversation without the OP asking for it.

The first thing to do is talk to her of course and find out how she feels and what she wants to do. Not what you want or others around her want but what she wants. Where is the person who fertilized her? He should be in on the discussion as well. Once the decision is made then they needs to figure out the battle plan to make it happen.


Well put Jenny!  Communication is key, and you are absolutely right, people need to find out what SHE wants to do and then figure out how to be as prepared as possible for whatever decision she makes.

Sandee - posted on 09/09/2009

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She's confused right now. She doesn't know what to do. Everything happen for a reason and all of us have a great purpose in life and God will not give us a trials if he know we can't survived it. Just be there and support her all the way. Plus, we have a lot of help system in Canada. She's not alone in this. God Bless.

Jeanetta - posted on 09/06/2009

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aw i feel so sry for her shes so younge but i do beleive everything happens for a reason; don't yell at her say you will be there for her and tell her it's her decision. tell her shes strong n you will be their for her through it all ; if she keeps it defiantly put her in prenatal classes it was the best thing for me because i ahd to do everythin on my own and knowing what to expect helps so much..Perhaps you can tell her if she doesnt have you around sometime she can talk online thru here. Good luck.

Robyn - posted on 09/05/2009

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I just want to say that you need to just be calm and talk to her and let her know that you will be there for her. I myself was 18 when I had my daughter, but it was a relief that I had my Mom to rely on. I am now the mother of a 17 year old daughter, and I know that we have talked long and hard about what she would do if she got pregnant at her age. She has been with her boyfriend for almost a year and a half and they both have sat down and discussed what would happen if their choice of birth control were to fail. So it is nice that they and I both have an open relationship and know what would happen. I only hope that you have the same kind of relationship with your daughter, I cherish it. You and your family are in my prayers and Good Luck

User - posted on 09/05/2009

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Was there 35 years ago !! All I can say is to be there for her and her baby. I know that's not much advise. Good luck to both of u.

User - posted on 09/05/2009

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NO, NO, NO on make her have an abortion and wash your hands of the whole situation!!:( That is NOT the thing to do. The doctor suggested this to my daughter 35 years ago, she told him NO WAY !! And even though she was only 15 years old I breathed a sigh of relief. I still say all u can do is love her and stand by her. She will need u more now than ever. With your help she will be a wonderful mother. By help I mean standing by her and with your guidence. Don't turn your back on her, she is still your baby !!:) Good Luck to u all....

User - posted on 09/05/2009

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Was there 35 years ago !! All I can say is to be there for her and her baby. I know that's not much advise. Good luck to both of u.

Jessi - posted on 09/05/2009

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If you find out your 15 year old is pregnant, shit a brick...Then, just remember that's your grand baby and I would hope that, being her mother, you'd be supportive and try to help her...even thought she's made mistakes, the results are the miracle of life.



as a mother, you know that life is hard. Things don't always go as planned. And hopefully you've realized that stress just isn't worth it. So don't sweat it, love your family and your life, and pass that on to your children and their children.



(It's always okay to shit a brick first in that situation though...hehe)

Teresa - posted on 09/05/2009

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i was 15 and pregnant to I decided to keep my son and i would not change it for the world my family was very helpfull and i also married the same man at 15 we have been married for 17 years and have three beautifull kids 17, 16,10 they are great kids and we have been great parents i am very proud of myself because yes at times it was hard but you can pull threw it as her mother and grandmother you will do just fine you seem like a very good person and yall will make the right decision no matter what it is the one thing to remeber is i could not live a nother day without my kids here with me or even thinking about someone else raising them expecially with all the crazy people in the world today goodluck and godbless you and our family!!!!!

Cleona - posted on 09/04/2009

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Twenty five years ago my daughter gave me that dreaded phone call while I was at work...Mom I'm pregnant...knocked my socks off....but I kept my cool and told her the damage has been done so now we have to take care of you to make sure you have a healthy baby....and we would talk when I got home...I told her she had to finish school no matter what, and whether she kept the baby or gave it up...that would be her choice....Well she decided to keep him and since then she has married and had two

more boys.....Her decision to keep that boy has turned into a life of joy and I am proud to say he has given me a wonderful great grandson and is now serving our country...my hero....no one has ever been sorry she made a mistake.......

Sarah - posted on 09/04/2009

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I got pregnant at 16 with my first child. I was scared to death to tell my parents, but they took it really well and supported me in everything that I went through. My oldest is now 16 years old and I think oh my goodness, I was that age when I had him. Love and support are the most important things you can give to your daughter right now. But beware, do not fall into the trap of taking over when the baby is born (if she is planning on keeping the baby). She got herself into this situation and she should have to deal with the consequences. One of the best things my mother did for me after I had my first child was let me take on all of the responsibility of raising him. She was there if I needed her emotionally but she made it clear it was not her child to raise. Definitely keep on her to finish school, it is the most important thing she can do for herself and the baby.

As far as the crying, I am sure it hurts that your little girl is going to have a little child of her own but part of growing up is making your own decisions (and we all think we make perfectly good ones as teenagers). You did not choose this, she did. Above all - LOVE her.

Merilee - posted on 09/04/2009

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I would suggest night school, if she wants to graduate, or just get her G.E.D., and get her enrolled in classes for new mothers, she will need this. I wouldn't make her give it up or get an abortion, but help her learn by getting envolved with her baby..I was pregnant at 16, got married and had my baby at 17.Stayed married for 30 years until my husband died from skin cancer, had 2 more boys and they are all grown with familys of their own, It will be a ruff time at first but back her up and be there for her..good luck to you both.

Tasha - posted on 09/04/2009

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first and foremost, as the parent, you should not blame yourself. teenagers do things they shouldn't do and so have serious consequences. I got pregnant during my senior year of high school. My parents did there job so I didn't blame them for my decisions. It is hard to raise a child at a young age. School is vital for her at this time. No matter what her decision is regarding the child she needs complete support. let her make the decision to either keep, abort, or give away the child. she needs to take responsibility for herself and the child from this point on so she gets in the habit of making decisions as a parent. She must finish school inorder to get a job to support her family. There a several programs and grant money for single moms who want to go to college. I had my son during spring break of freshman year and took finals that following week. i didn't take time off. children are a blessing and eventhough they may not arrive at the best times it's not up to them to come. things happen for a reason and that bundle of joy could be what the world needs. Good luck and don't fret.

JENNIFER - posted on 09/03/2009

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If it is the case, as a mother, we must talk this matter very sensitively. Of course, at first, it will hurt me knowing that my 15 years old daughter will got pregnant. I have to control my emotions. We will talk this matter within the family first and resolve what to be resolved. This will be a learning experience to the others. Everything has a purpose, accept whatever consequences it may.

Ashley - posted on 09/03/2009

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I was got pregnant with my first child at 16. I was always a A-B student & I didn't want my grades to slip just because I was expecting. I opted to go home bound, I finished all my school work from home and graduated a year earlier by doing so. I got a job and supported my child even though I still lived at home with my parents. I made the best out of the situation and after saving some money, I married, and we moved out on our own. My parents were very upset at the news, but after it really sank in they became excited, and supported me in any decision I made! Me becoming a teen Mom was hard on me but I pulled through it the best I could. My daughter is now in Kindergarten and I couldn't be prouder of her. Good luck!

[deleted account]

Unfortunately, there are only 2 ways of dealing with this choice. 1. If it doesn't go

against your family values/religion etc..terminate the pregnancy. 2. If 1 is not an option,

then you will need considerable help from your community to determine what

option your daughter will eventually choose...with guidance from you and your family,

clergy, counselor and Doctor. This decision should not be taken lightly and no matter

what choice is determined, this experience will impact your daughter for the rest of her life. Stay calm! There are many books, programs etc available for pregnant teens and

what choices can be made..please look at all views before making a decision if possible. Remember, the gentleman involved also has a part in this situation and his

feelings and vioce should be heard as well. Good Luck

Alethia - posted on 09/03/2009

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I must say that reading some of the earlier posted comments I was both saddened and pleased. I am speaking from my own point of view as I was a teen mom. Only you truly know your child. I must encourage you to allow her to accept the responsibility for her actions. Not shame her or make her feel less than she is. Her life is not ruined, just sidetracked. She will have to work a bit harder in handling the day to day of life but this is what happens when "children" want to play "adult" games. In saying that as well you have to be strong enough to teach her how to raise her child. She has to get up for the 3am feedings and diaper changes. She needs to make prior child care arrangements should she want to go out with her "non-parent" friends. Teens right now are using childbirth as some kind of fashion statement because parents take the "parent" role away from them. Don't allow her to feel like the system is going to support and raise her child. That is her job! I'm not against receiving help along the way but also know it is not a way of life. Most importantly... If you are not in a good church body, find one now. Shower her with the love of Christ. Lead her into repentance for her actions and allow her to understand this does not lable her forever. Once forgiven always forgiven, now turn away from the sin and move on in Christ. I pray for your strength and that the Lord God send continuous help your way. Please be encouraged and don't give her a reason to give up on the greater purpose her life has.

[deleted account]

Your daughter is still a baby herself. If she's not too far along, your daughter should consider the alternative. She has many years ahead of her for motherhood, but only a few years left of childhood. Both of you should remeber that there are going to be parties, proms, trips to the beach, etc. It wouldn't be fair to her, your family or a baby to have to shoulder this responsibility. If for some reason that she has the baby, tell her to hold her head high at school & tell anyone who is mean to her to get a life. If they have nothing better to do than tease someone, they have more problems than your daughter does. I hope for the best for all of you.

[deleted account]

Your daughter is still a baby herself. If she's not too far along, your daughter should consider the alternative. She has many years ahead of her for motherhood, but only a few years left of childhood. Both of you should remeber that there are going to be parties, proms, trips to the beach, etc. It wouldn't be fair to her, your family or a baby to have to shoulder this responsibility. If for some reason that she has the baby, tell her to hold her head high at school & tell anyone who is mean to her to get a life. If they have nothing better to do than tease someone, they have more problems than your daughter does. I hope for the best for all of you.

[deleted account]

Your daughter is still a baby herself. If she's not too far along, your daughter should consider the alternative. She has many years ahead of her for motherhood, but only a few years left of childhood. Both of you should remeber that there are going to be parties, proms, trips to the beach, etc. It wouldn't be fair to her, your family or a baby to have to shoulder this responsibility. If for some reason that she has the baby, tell her to hold her head high at school & tell anyone who is mean to her to get a life. If they have nothing better to do than tease someone, they have more problems than your daughter does. I hope for the best for all of you.

Margaret - posted on 09/03/2009

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Love her, encourage her, and direct her to resources that will help her in what ever decisions she makes. If she is choosing to raise the baby, there are organizations that specifically are there to help teen moms. Our high school has a teen parenting class that provides child care, there are community groups such as Teen MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) who exist to support and encourage teen moms in their parenting efforts. There may be similar programs in your community.



With the right amount of support and encouragement, it will be okay. Nobody has a perfect life. We all do what we can with what life deals us. If you would like more information about Teen MOPS, you can email me at mugsiemay@hotmail.com. I'd be glad to give you further assistance.



Margaret

Jenny - posted on 09/03/2009

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I was 16 when I got pregnant so I have some personal experience with this particular topic. Support her completely. Let he know that it will be difficult but that you have faith in her. She is going to get alot of snickers and dirty looks. Older ladies are going to platantly talk about her. Encourage her to finish school, It is possible, I did it. My baby was 1 at my highschool graduation. This will be a struggle for her, she will require alot of help from you. As long as she believes that she is strong enough to do this, and she sets out to be the best mother that she can be she will be fine.



By the way my son is 14 now, will be starting his freshman year in highschool next week. I have a great job and a nice house. It was incredibly tough but I did alright. you will hear a lot of horror stories about this, I just thought you should hear a little success also. Good luck to both of you, Try to remember that this is not the end of the world, a major modification, but not the end.



Jenny

Jenny - posted on 09/03/2009

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I was 16 when I got pregnant so I have some personal experience with this particular topic. Support her completely. Let he know that it will be difficult but that you have faith in her. She is going to get alot of snickers and dirty looks. Older ladies are going to platantly talk about her. Encourage her to finish school, It is possible, I did it. My baby was 1 at my highschool graduation. This will be a struggle for her, she will require alot of help from you. As long as she believes that she is strong enough to do this, and she sets out to be the best mother that she can be she will be fine.



By the way my son is 14 now, will be starting his freshman year in highschool next week. I have a great job and a nice house. It was incredibly tough but I did alright. you will hear a lot of horror stories about this, I just thought you should hear a little success also. Good luck to both of you, Try to remember that this is not the end of the world, a major modification, but not the end.



Jenny

Sara - posted on 09/03/2009

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Cry and then cry some more with her. Then love her and support her best you can. She is going to need more support and love than ever before. This will be difficult, but this is what the family has been dealt. It isn't the end of the world, but it might feel like it. Get her into counseling and then make an appnt. for yourself- you will also need support. In my opinion abortion is out of the question- no one needs to carry around the guilt of killing a baby for the next 75 years. If your daughter makes this decision she will regret it as an adult, I doubt she would regret welcoming a beautiful new baby into the family. Because she is only 15 she is going to need her family more than ever! This is your chance to shine as a parent- be that wonderful mom you know you can be! Tough love could be necessary to make her understand the seriousness of this.

Sarah - posted on 09/03/2009

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You hug her, love her and support her. Help her make the right decision for her life without being judgemental. People make mistakes but being angry isnt going to help her. I got pregnant at 16 with my very first boyfriend. My mom was devastated but never let me see it. She was supoprtive and my child changed my life. Me and my boyfriend got married at 17 and since have had two more children.. going on 6 years of being extrememly happily married. Good things can come from this and a baby is always a gift. Just stay strong, She needs to do the same!

[deleted account]

This is a tough one. I can only tell you hypothetically what we would "think" we would do in this situation. We have a daughter who is about to turn 12 and she looks much older. I think of her when these kind of topics come up. Our family doesn't believe in abortion, no need to go into the many reasons of why other than the obvious. Adoption whould most likely be the choice of my husband and I if the child were conceived in a negative way such as a rape. The emotional pain associated with such an event would leave an impact on our daughter and we wouldn't want the child to take the blunt force of the pain or anger. Our family would lean towards keeping the child. We'd have to remember that we would be dealing with TWO children....regardless of the girls age at conception, if she's under the age of 18, she's still a child in her mind. Your brain doesn't fully grow until you are in your early-mid twenty's. It would be a l-o-n-g road ahead for everyone envolved. Be supportive. Think Possitive, but don't sugar coat anything. At such a young age she will be forced through her actions to grow up faster, to become an adult...even though her mind and priority's are not set in stone yet. Be prepared to ride it out with her...to get up in the middle of the night and tend to the baby and help her with the baby at all times. Remember, it's not just her who's pregnant, it's your whole family. The reason I say that is because everyone envolved will be impacted by the decissions that lay ahead. Make sure you Hug your daughter and THANK HER for coming to you about this. So many girls do not and end up in horrible situations because of lack of pregnancy care. Good Luck to the both of you and I will keep your family in our prayers. ~Elizabeth in Sparks, NV

Melanie - posted on 09/03/2009

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oh just 2 add i was with my man at 15 and im now 33 and we r still 2gether even though every1 said we wouldnt last 6months

Melanie - posted on 09/03/2009

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i was 16 when i had my 1st and my 2nd at 18, even though it was hard 4 my mum and dad (who r very big church goers) my mum just talked through everything with me and was always there 4 suport, i found with my mum and dad by my side and my friends with me school didnt give me any probs, good luck 2 u all and remember the baby is the best gift ever

Nicole - posted on 09/03/2009

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you are the parent and best believe you are going to be taken care of the baby. She made a mistake but you have to make the decision so are u ready for a baby.single young parent is not a good choice for a 15year old.and. baby daddy is going to leave her sooner or later.a15year have no choice when it comes to bringing in a new life

Tracy - posted on 09/03/2009

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I was 16 when I got pregnat 17 when I had her.Me my mom and the babys dad sat down and discussed all options,Of course everyone had a different opion but me and him we both wanted her.So I had her three months early scariest thing of my life.But it made me grow up quick and probably saved my life for the way my choices were taking me at that time me and the father didnt last but I kept going Im now 31 and she just turned 14 and I wouldnt change a thing.If your daughter chooses to have the baby stand by her side my mom didnt and to this day 14 years later I still hold resentment towards her

Amy - posted on 09/03/2009

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never stop being a momma- the nurturing supportive role that helps children to be all they can be even if it includes showing them how to be a good mom. unconditional love

Dianne - posted on 09/01/2009

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that is easy :) you stick by her decision no matter what! my daughter was pregnant at 15 & still with the boyfriend. my whole family & her fathers family (her father & i were divorced) were against her & me with her pregancy! but i stuck by her & she had a lovely girl. then when the baby was older everyone finally accepted both of them.

Alicia - posted on 08/31/2009

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I dont agree with all the comments posted. 15 is a young age to have a baby. I was 18 when i got pregnant. It is not an easy thing. I would be there for her. Dont force her to have an abortion or give the baby up. Think about it as if it were you. would u have an abortion or put the baby up for adoption. if u say yes to this then just think, you wouldnt have your daughter today.

Alicia - posted on 08/31/2009

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I dont agree with all the comments posted. 15 is a young age to have a baby. I was 18 when i got pregnant. It is not an easy thing. I would be there for her. Dont force her to have an abortion or give the baby up. Think about it as if it were you. would u have an abortion or put the baby up for adoption. if u say yes to this then just think, you wouldnt have your daughter today.

Kat - posted on 08/27/2009

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share the laughter and the tears there will be both and a HUGE bond between the two of you. Please dont judge, just BE THERE

Thea - posted on 08/27/2009

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If nothing else has come of this discussion, it has certainly proven that a situation of this nature is very emotionally charged - which makes dealing with it all the more difficult.

Maybe the first words of advice should have been "STAY CALM" - esp to those posting responses.

Amanda - posted on 08/27/2009

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...oh, and to the original poster: i am sorry your thread has turned into more of a debate, and if my first and last post attributed to that, was not my intent. there is alot of helpful advice and encouraging stories on this thread and i hope you and your daughter are able to work through this and find what is right for all involved

Amanda - posted on 08/27/2009

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well that was her advice, like i said it was blunt, advice is formed from ones thoughts and opinions! my main point is just that the women mentioning abortion are being jumped on by pro-lifers on this thread. we all know we aren't all going to agree with each other on such topics, so if you see something you don't like, roll your eyes and move on with your day rather than chastize someone for their opinions rather than turning it into a debate. i'm not trying to stick up for her, just wanted to make a point that this isn't the pro-life community, so we shouldnt be getting all pissy about the mention of abortion.

Leanne - posted on 08/27/2009

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Amanda,

She did not just give her opinion she attacked the mother asking the question and insulted her and said "And lets just glorify teen sex - again. Good god. Look she's pregnant! She gets special treatment and handling and no one thinks what she did is wrong!"



Who is this woman to insult the mother and her daughter? How does she know what she is going to do? When asking for advice you give advice not shot people down and jump to conclusions and add your feeling on the matter. I dont see where anyone said abortion is wrong or right I dont think the mom meant what are her options I am sure she knows the options, I think she meant if anyone went through it she wanted advice on what happened wether it be from the teenager who went through it or the mother of the teenage girl going through it. That Sharon lady said come comments that were not called for if she does not agree with it then all she had to say was something like " i am sorry this happened to you i hope you figure it all out" NOT something like "You suck it up and raise another baby because at 15 she isn't a woman, she's a child, you're the adult. I feel for you its going to suck a lot." How does she know? It may be a wonderful thing shame on her for assuming someones life will suck.



That was WRONG of her to assume that the girl IF she keeps the baby will not raise it that the girls mother will have too and scaring the mom by saying how much it will suck. By the looks of things about 95% of the moms agree what she said was not called for.

Leanne - posted on 08/27/2009

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Amanda,

She did not just give her opinion she attacked the mother asking the question and insulted her and said "And lets just glorify teen sex - again. Good god. Look she's pregnant! She gets special treatment and handling and no one thinks what she did is wrong!"



Who is this woman to insult the mother and her daughter? How does she know what she is going to do? When asking for advice you give advice not shot people down and jump to conclusions and add your feeling on the matter. I dont see where anyone said abortion is wrong or right I dont think the mom meant what are her options I am sure she knows the options, I think she meant if anyone went through it she wanted advice on what happened wether it be from the teenager who went through it or the mother of the teenage girl going through it. That Sharon lady said come comments that were not called for if she does not agree with it then all she had to say was something like " i am sorry this happened to you i hope you figure it all out" NOT something like "You suck it up and raise another baby because at 15 she isn't a woman, she's a child, you're the adult. I feel for you its going to suck a lot." How does she know? It may be a wonderful thing shame on her for assuming someones life will suck.



That was WRONG of her to assume that the girl IF she keeps the baby will not raise it that the girls mother will have too and scaring the mom by saying how much it will suck. By the looks of things about 95% of the moms agree what she said was not called for.

Amanda - posted on 08/27/2009

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Quoting Amelia:



Quoting Sharon:

I would hope my daughter told me early enough that we could stop it.

But it sounds like you and she are going to have this baby. You suck it up and raise another baby because at 15 she isn't a woman, she's a child, you're the adult. I feel for you its going to suck a lot.






I think this is disgusting... That is life wether fully developed or not.. If you choose you do not want the baby do you know how many people out there wishes they could have kids but dont.. Do not do the abortion thing do the adoption thing instead.. Dont kill a life give it to someone who will love and cherish it. I was 14 when i got pregnant 15 when i had my first son and i will tell you there is not one day I or my parents or the father regret me having him and keeping him.. A child is precious for you to think of that why did you have kids? thats not right To me if you think like that you should not have kids at all!!!





hate to break it to you, and all of the others attacking the blunt pro-choice advice, but this isn't the pro-life community!  sharon gave her opinion and she just chose to leave out all of the flowery pretty words!  the OP didn't mention that abortion was out, she asked for advice!



 



on that note, support your daughter and let her make the choice on what she feels is right for her and that baby.  be there for her every step of the way, yes kids at school and people at the grocery store, etc. are going to be mean and rude so be ready for it and be ready to be her sounding board and shoulder to cry on, you'll both make it through!  good luck!

Kathee Aka (buffy 0 - posted on 08/27/2009

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just love and support her.. speak wit her, see how she feels.. thats all u can do.. its about u and her.. others will have oppinions, but u and her are the most important factors here...

Thea - posted on 08/27/2009

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ok already - there is no easy solution -

I'm going to say my piece because THIS HAPPENED TO ME - and I wouldn't want to wish my fate on anyone of any age - my family completely rejected me - forced me to put my baby up for adoption - would not let me maintain contact with the baby's father, put me out on the street with no emotional or financial support - and all that after they beat me!

Get the FATHER involved - she didn't have sex by herself, it's not JUST her child! In most states in the US - the father has rights and responsibilities, and some of the teen dads actually do step up and do right by their kids. I've also overheard boys bragging that they have knocked up (fill in a number) so far this year... I know they are NOT all responsible, but give it a shot.

Get BOTH of them involved in the solution - whatever it is, it should be THEIR decision, it is THEIR child, and they will live with the consequences the rest of their lives.

The worst thing about my situation is that everyone thought that because I was young it was not my decision to solve my own "problem" and it all had to be done by adults, so that I/we had no input in the outcome.... I can honestly tell you that there is no pain like that of relinquishment - psycho therapists are only beginning to realize the extensive damage that this causes.

THIRTY YEARS LATER, after a great deal of therapy and searching, I found my son and my high school sweetheart, and we are all now doing the best we can to undo the damage - but my family still does not have much to do with me.

It really should be your daughter's decision, if she has to make it w/o the father's input.

Do your best to support her whatever she decides - but be forewarned - don't let her take advantage of you - I know far too many young grandmas who are raising their grandchildren by themselves. She will need to do some growing up fast and do some creative coping if she decides to keep her baby.

My heart goes out to you - my own daughter decided not to carry her baby to term, and I was surprised by how much it affected me, but I supported her in her decision even tho it was a heart-breaker.

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