What do you do when you find out your best friend who is a 50 year old man sexually molests your 15 year old daughter?

[deleted account] ( 10 moms have responded )

My daughter just told me last week that my best friend who is currently over 50 years of age touched her inappropriately along with talking sexually with her. She made me promise not to say anything to him or to anyone else cause he told her that I would stop being his friend. She is afraid that he will Never Forgive Her which I responded by saying I don't care about that at all. I am angry, sad, upset, and extremely worried about my daughter. She is currently seeing a therapist and the therapist believes she also needs to see a psychiatrist. I'm trying not to give too much detail for my daughter's privacy sake. I need her to trust me so she will continue to open up to me. I want this man to pay!!!! I want him to never speak to me or my family again. I trusted him like a brother and now I am doubting our 20 year friendship. She wants me to talk to him when he calls and act like nothing has changed. She also doesn't want me to say anything to her Dad which I understand because he would be beyond angry and might do something he would regret later. How should I handle this?

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Jodi - posted on 02/03/2015

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" I think it's easy to say tell the authorities asap but what long-term ramifications will this have on my daughter on top of what she has already suffered?"

As a parent, how will you feel if he decides to mess with another child and you didn't report it? What right do you have to do that to another child? Yes, by not reporting it, YOU will be responsible for his next victim. I'm sorry, but regardless of what your daughter says, you have a MORAL OBLIGATION to report him. Otherwise, you are enabling his behaviour.

I totally understand that you want your daughter to trust you, but it concerns me that a parent would not report a sexual predator and therefore risk someone else's innocent child or children. That's incredibly selfish.

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Michelle - posted on 02/04/2015

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You HAVE to report the scumbag NOW!!!!!
Of course he has told your daughter all sorts of things to make sure she never told anyone. You need to explain to your daughter that he needs to be reported so he can't hurt any other child. Let her know that these predators will tell their victims not to say anything so they don't get caught, not because they will do the things they threaten.
You have to make sure your daughter understands that his threats were empty.
I agree that you should also tell her Father, she needs all the support she can get to go through with prosecuting him.

Beltanna - posted on 02/03/2015

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I'm pretty sure that because she is a minor, no one will know WHO he molested, just that he was arrested for it. You daughter will understand someday, that reporting him was protecting any future people from being taken advantage of.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/03/2015

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You MUST tell her father, and the authorities. YES it is very important for your daughter to trust you, but the reason she doesn't want you to tell him or the authorities is because of how much emotional damage this sicko has done to her. He probably told her never to tell anyone, fed her lies, used emotional guilt.....talk to her therapist about how to address it with your daughter, but this man needs to serve his time. He needs to be put on a sexual offenders list and register everywhere he moves so other families near him know he is a sexual predator. Sorry, but if you don't do this, he is going to do this to another little girl. Maybe he already is.

I would NOT address this man. Go straight to the police. Do not talk with him, cause he will try to manipulate you with his lies and try to make you think your daughter is lying.

All in all, your daughter doesn't want to get in trouble with this man.

Dove - posted on 02/03/2015

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How old is your daughter? The fact that she is in counseling is a good first step. Has she told the therapist about this yet? I would go and talk to the therapist as soon as humanly possible and let them know (assuming your daughter didn't say anything yet). I believe the therapist would either be required to report it or advise you on the best way to report it so as not to upset your daughter any more than necessary. This NEEDS to be reported and it needs to be done very soon.

Raye - posted on 02/03/2015

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Many times the threats are just empty threats to avoid getting caught. If he gets sent to prison, well then the damage has already been done to him. He could try to retaliate, sending her e-mails or whatever, but then she should take them to the police. She should make her social media profiles more private and not "friend" anyone if she doesn't know them. Long term... she needs to make this man accountable for his actions and then try to move on with her life.

[deleted account]

I agree!!!! He is not my friend and I want to put him in jail right now and let the other inmates take care of this scum bag. I have to think of my daughter and do things on her timeline cause SHE is my number 1 priority. She is scared and afraid that he will get back at her. I just talked to her about what I want to do and her first question was, "do they have internet in prison?" I think it's easy to say tell the authorities asap but what long-term ramifications will this have on my daughter on top of what she has already suffered?

Raye - posted on 02/03/2015

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You should report that man to the authorities. He is not your friend, and hasn't been for some time if he has been creeping in on your daughter.

Jodi - posted on 02/03/2015

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You don't actually have the option of "not saying anything". As a responsible adult in society, you have an obligation to report this because I guarantee, this man did NOT and WILL NOT stop at your daughter. Remember there are other innocent victims out there. By not saying anything you are actually potentially exposing other victims. This needs to be reported to the authorities and investigated properly.

Monisha - posted on 02/03/2015

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TELL HER FATHER. If he gets angry it is his child he has a right. And I wouldn't be posting online I would be banging down his door and calling the police! Unless you think your daughter isn't telling the truth because she has other problems

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