what do you do when your husband always cheat on you the entire time of the marriage

Barbara - posted on 06/13/2011 ( 10 moms have responded )

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he sleeps with other women all the time. he loves his stuff more than he love me he don't to give me half thats why we are still married. He buys me stuff and take me places to keep the peace ehat sould i just join circle of moms and don't want my family and friends to know. so thats why i haven't add anyone from home. i am embrass about it all

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JuLeah - posted on 06/13/2011

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What would you advice a friend with this problem?



We partner at the level of our own self worth.



Look into why you feel you deserve this treatment, and you must because you are still there.



You really think so little of your family and friends? Would you judge a woman in your shoes, laugh at her, call her a dummy? If your sister had a husband like yours, how would you react if she came to you for help? Would your family and friends really do less?



Odds are they already know, but are waiting for you to know what to do.



All the embarrassment, shame, guilt, remorse belongs to him and him alone. Why do you want to take that off his shoulders? He earned it, let him keep it.



Leave, don’t leave … up to you. You can’t change him. There is nothing you can say or do that will ever change who he wants to be. You get to deal with him as he is, or leave. Those are your only two choices and both are fine as long as you are happy.



I will add that he is exposing you to all kinds of diseases by sleeping with other women. Remember, he is not just sleeping with them, but all the men and women they have ever had sex with. He clearly doesn’t care that much about your health or safety.

Jocelyn - posted on 06/13/2011

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Go get an STD test, then a lawyer. I would forgive my DH if he cheated...ONCE. Multiple times, no way in hell would I be staying. You're in a very difficult situation, but there are ways out of it :)

Krista - posted on 06/13/2011

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What do you do?



Well...that's up to you. He's not going to change. That's the first thing you need to accept. He is never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever going to change. Ever.



So, you have some choices here:



1. Stay with him, and be embarrassed and miserable for the rest of your life. Your family and friends WILL find out at some point (if they don't already know), and will pity you. Your children will grow up to think that this is normal, and will probably be unfaithful in their own relationships. And at some point, you will probably be exposed to veneral disease.



2. Leave him, even if it means that you are in a more difficult financial situation. Keep in mind that if you have kids together, he will most likely have to pay you child support. He might have to pay alimony -- it depends on where you life and whether you signed a pre-nup. It would be worth contacting legal aid to find out what your rights are, if you should initiate divorce.



Personally, I would leave him. Some men cheat only once, realize their mistake, and can remain faithful from that point on. But repeated cheating? Nope. He won't change. And I would be utterly miserable with a man who thinks so little of me that he would make a fool out of me over and over, that he would betray his vows, and that he would knowingly risk my health. I would rather be single, and at least have my dignity and some hope for a better future, then be in a marriage like that, with no dignity and no hope that things will ever improve.



I wish you strength, luck and wisdom in the days ahead.

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Julie - posted on 06/16/2012

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There are THREE DEAL BREAKERS in A marriage:
Adultery
Addiction
Abuse
I am sorry to hear about your husbands infidelity. Please do not feel embarrassed. It is more common than you might think. You need to face the reality that he is not going to change his ways, therefore you need to take charge of your own life and start making the changes necessary to get what you want, and deserve in a partner for life. In order to achieve true love, you must have respect first. It is obvious that he does not respect you or he would not be treating you in this way. Therefore, any form of "LOVe" he may think he has or is showing, isn't LOVE. Respect must also be earned, that is where you find the respect for yourself to leave. Or better yet, tell him to leave. In the words of Donna Summers: "Just turn around now, cause your not welcome any more, I've got all my love to give, I've got all my life to live and I will survive...I will survive..YEAH, YEAH

Laura - posted on 06/13/2011

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I am not someone who agrees with divorce. I believe it has become an easy way out for people when things aren't going their way. HOWEVER, cheating is the one and only thing that I would never ever tolerate. If I were you, I would confide in someone in your family you trust and can help you, no matter how embarrassing the situation seems, you need to protect you, your heart and mind, and your kids.

Shannintipton - posted on 06/13/2011

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Take HIS money and get a good attorney. Don't sleep with him, who knows what he may have. Good luck.

Christine - posted on 06/13/2011

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My personal opinion is if he's cheating and your not happy, then you should get out of the relationship. Think about it as setting a good example for your children. At some point they will know whats going on and you don't want to have let yourself be walked on in any way and your kids watched that. It makes them more likely to get into and not get out of similar situations. You would never ever want your child to put up with someone who treated him/her the way your husband is treating you so you should not be willing to put up with it. If you haven't tried therapy and other things its always best to try everything to work it out first. But in the end if nothing changes and you are unhappy you need to do what is best for you and your children.

Brittany - posted on 06/13/2011

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These kinds of questions upset because, it makes me feel like woman are still being held back. The fact of the matter is he is cheating on you. Too bad so sad that he does not want to give you half of his stuff. He should have thought about that before he let another woman on him. Pack your belongings, your kids and call a lawyer.

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