Halloween1369 - posted on 05/30/2012 ( 10 moms have responded )
Let me begin by saying I am in my mid 30's with a 3 yr old girl and a new born 4 months old boy. I live in a in law apt with my boyfriend of 20 years, and his parents live in the main house and their oldest son and 7 year old daughter live with them. ( one big happy family) I wish.
I feel like I am the outcast in this house. My parents divorced when I was 7 and I had to mature very fast. But my temper was always short,,I feel like I'm always yelling when the 7 year old is with my daughter, they are always competing against each other the 7 year old likes to think she's in charge of my daughter at times and is a great manipulator. It seemed like 24/7 that she was with us like the adopted child,also she was jealous if I was buying my daughter clothes and not her,just complicating me. one time she had the gall to even spank my daughter and another time she had taken my newborn son out of the crankup swing( which is a challenge if your not paying attention) w/o my permission. Of course like a concerned mother was looking for any dents on my sons head and. Then lashed out at her with my sharp tounge and of course iwas told I over reacted........I feel like I'm being tested around here, like how long is it going to be untill I loose it. What ever the 7 year old does my daughter wants to do, like go in the sprinkler when the first warm spell we get and its 70 * with a breeze and everyone just got over a cold.....then because the grandmother becomes the instigator I'm so sick of it that I just throw my arms up, it's like I have no say. My daughter comes back downstairs after leaving the grandparents and has a fistful of lollipops in hand. Every time grandma sees her she gets a lollipop???? My daughter went to the dentist and not even you know she has cavities. Pissa.
Well because there's so many escape routes around here I feel like I'm the only serious one here trying to raise my own kids without interruptions it's almost impossible. I feel like I gotta come up with a good line just so I can be with my kids ya know my "2" kids. And of course I feel bad for daddy cause he's in the middle of it. He hears me bickering ad it ends up us arguing and his come back to me is he thinks I should be happy with "family" around. First of all it's "his" family. Well cause I'm trying to lay rules down for my daughter and when she don't listen I'm the enforcer I get very upset when she don't listen. I have shut tv off when I talk to her when I feel she's not listening to me and also ask her to repeat what mommy just said, she's not constantly misbehaving and for abt a week I have been trying to detour the 7 year old when we go out n the car. But when I have to repeat myself over and over I get louder and louder I even wondered if maybe she might need a hearing test. Well I feel really a lost of words now, she was ignoring my calls to her as she was sitting in bed with daddy,and I just lost it she wouldnt come downstairs to put her things away after I had repeated over for her To brush her teeth i had to take her physically by her arm out of the bed into the bathroom and I brushed her teeth. She didn't like that well her father had told me that my screening had shook her and upset her to the point where she had told her daddy that mommy is breaking her heart.
After hearing powerful words coming from a 3 year old really put a dent on my heart. Then while I'm brushing she was very brave and was helping me with my toothpaste and even handing me tissues for my soggy eyes she says in that little voice trying to put the sentence together, mommy I love you sometimes and sometimes I don't . I feel emotionally drained, confused, and responsible for the outcome in years to come if any damage I feel like I created to her, not to mention the newborn who is a whiteness. What should I do. And yeah my doc has me on medication fr panic, anxiety, depression, and add. I feel like a rotten mother after hearing what my daughter feels about me.
Please reply with any suggestions I really want my daughter not to have those feelings towards me. Somehow I feel like I need to ave some words for her