What do you think about my opinion on a response to people ?

Melissa - posted on 03/03/2011 ( 67 moms have responded )

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HI there this message is to everyone .... First I agree its the child's choice ...but when a adopted parent or step parent raises that child THEY DO BLOOD OR NOT BECOME THE PARENT IE. MOM OR DAD.. second... Blood does not make you a mother raising a child does... I have never met my biological father and biological mother has been in and out of my life . I was raised by my grandmother and step grandfather who I called mom and dad so I would have a normal upbringing and have the feeling of having parents. Now that I am grown I love them more then anything they are my parents they are my mother and father ... Third TITLES are nothing its who really takes CARE and is responsible for the child. Four there is nothing wrong with calling a grandparent or step mom by there actually title ..but its nice when you feel like they are your parents to feel normal and apart of a family. Five ..Every one has different life situations so dont judge nobody for what they chose . I have a son with a man who has another child and my children are half brothers we are a family and my step son should call me mom cause I raise him and financially take care of him . DOES THAT NOT MAKE YOU A PARENT /MOTHER???!!!!

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Suzanne - posted on 03/16/2011

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I think you have contradicted yourself with your first and last comments. You first said that you agree that it's the childs choice and then at the end you say that your step son should call you mum....... Yes caring for that child maternaly and financially is a HUGE part of his life, but he still has a mother, whether she is a part of his life or not and (being a child of divorced parents myself) until he is ready, and he may never be, he is not going to call you mum. And forcing him to is only going to make him resent and rebel against you. I think you should aim to be his friend, and then if and when he decides to call you mum it will be an added bonus, not the be all and end all. Hope it all works out the way you want and everyone is happy :)

Punkin - posted on 03/08/2011

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I have full legal custody of my great-niece, have had her since she was 6 mths old. Her BM left her and ran off with a boy and then she broke into my house and spent 2 yrs in prison. She gets out and the first thing she does is tell MY dd that I am not her mother, she is. My dd, knows I am her Mommy, she says she has 2, but I am her real Mommy. The BM has done nothing but cause trouble for us and that's how it will always be. We have to let her go with the BM every other weekend and it's tough, but we're gonna fight thru and win. She knows who her real family is and she lets everyone know that. We have had full support of her and everything all her life, no help from her, ever. Now she thinks she can just come back and take her, we had a court battle and she lost. I let her call me Mommy from the first because she had to have someone there as Mom, I always intended to tell her the story, when she was old enough. Now she has that 5 yr old cryin at night because she's scared the BM is going to take her away from us. She never once thinks about the little girl, it's what she wants and that's it. IMO, the child should have that choice, they know who their Mom and Dad are, even with others telling them different.

[deleted account]

I also have to add.... if you don't want to deal w/ your significant other's ex.... don't be w/ someone who already has a child. You may not be able to stand the woman, but until the court sees fit to takes away her rights.... she still has them.

Kim - posted on 03/03/2011

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Not if he already has a mother in his life


Really difficult to say without knowing the details. Does the child have a bio mother in his life? Did his mother pass away? in either case you are just making the child feel like they are betraying that realtionship. As the old saying goes you only ever have one actual mother and one actual father. I dont think you can expect this child to call you mom if he still sees and has contact with his bio mom, thats just to confusing.
I have a step father and a step mother (both parents remarried) and I only ever called them by their names. they didnt give birth to me or help create me, and since I had both a mother and father who wanted to be in my life I had no need to attach these titles to anybody else. I can see why in your case you did but there is a BIG difference between being raised by your grandparents because your parents arent around and having a Step family situation. Maybe just go slow and let the child decide without any pressure trust me you will just push the child away

Paula - posted on 03/16/2011

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Like you said, titles don't matter, so why does it bother you so much. It's not what you call each other that matters, it's how you treat each other and the relationship between you that matters. If you love him and treat him as one of your own then you'll get the same back, but don't push him to call you something that you're not, especially if his birth mother is still in the picture. Don't confuse him and don't put him in the middle of an adult disagreement.

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Amanda - posted on 06/15/2011

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I have responded to this post a couple of times before I am a stepchild as well as a single parent. Personally I never called either of my stepparents Mom or Dad I called them Lee and Mary, I do believe it is a matter of respect because we ( my brother and I) have a mom and dad.
Likewise I would not be ok with my son calling someone else mom but I would also NEVER allow or encourage my son to call someone else dad.
Yes children can be loved by many many people and they can have multiple father/mother figures in their lives. I have three "Dads" (my mom's 2nd husband is still in our lives).
However there is a difference when both Biological parents are involved and supporting the child as opposed to one or both being missing. In which case you are correct whoever raises and care for that child is their mom or dad.

Melissa - posted on 05/05/2011

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I do not believe you can be friends with an ex partner so when i say w are not friends that means we share a common ground of working towards improving the little ones life but not hanging out at the mall together lol

Thank you everyone for your post of great advice !

Melissa - posted on 05/05/2011

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Well I have to say I did it I reached out to the BM and now we are not friends but get a long great ! She helps support the little guy emotionally and financially ... She is working hard to be the best mom which includes working and more visits to spend time with him .... I thank god that this little boy will have normal happy life with shared parenting ! NO drama and all support to make his life better and richer!

Jennifer - posted on 03/18/2011

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@jane - okay thanks for the feedback - i just feel that especially at this age he is more confused by her visits than anything because she does not interact with him enough for him to know her role, yet she gives us grief for not going out of our way in our busy schedule to meet with her after she has dissappeared (as far as no contact, text, calls, nothing) for weeks at a time then surprise she demands to see him (which we have figured out only means the literal version of sight through the retina to her)

Jane - posted on 03/18/2011

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@Jennifer - Do what is best for the child. That is what you need to keep in mind first and foremost. Will he do better with his biological mom and her new baby than he will with you? If you can step back dispassionately and say yes, then go for it.

My brother is raising his grandbaby. He has not sought termination of her biological father's rights because, although her dad admits he cannot raise her he is still part of her life and does what he can for her. However, he does not interfere with the things my brother does for her.

They did seek termination of the mother's parental rights because she is a drug user and thief, with two other children by two other fathers. Those two children were removed by the state because she did not take care of them or interact with them. Also, she tells each new man that this is her first pregnancy and doesn't even admit to the existence of her other children.

Elizabeth - posted on 03/18/2011

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Agreed. How very fortunate you are to have had such a wonderful family raise you. Mom and Dad are the people who loved you, protected you, and taught you to love. Having more than one person who you think of as mom or dad is a benefit not a detriment.

Jennifer - posted on 03/18/2011

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My husband and I have had temporary legal custody of our nephew ( his sister's son) since he was 3 months old. He is about to turn Two in May... and we are still battling her for custody. She was arrested for an assault charge and her two boys were taken from her custody - they have different fathers so the older brother ( which we visit almost weekly) was sent to his father and my little guy was sent to me because his father was the victim. The father skipped town completely and is out of the picture. She went to jail/rehab for 6 months and got out on January 2nd, 2010. she immediately got pregnant again! (thats the best idea ever when you dont even have your first two kids back) and had her little girl in October 2010. She doesn't pay child support but once every 5 months just enough to stay out of jail or enough to say that she pays us some... she only sees him about once a month for 20-40 minutes at a time, most of which involves her texting her friends not playing with him ( and not playing with her new baby either - weird to me). Even when she does see him its only if/because we drive 45 min to meet her so she doesnt have to use her gas money... Then she gets an attitude with me and disrespects me, trying to control details like asking me to not be there so she doesnt have to see me to see her son... its reduculous! we are pushing for termination of rights based on only token visitation ( visits that are just to make her feel good or look like she cares but are not about gaining a relationship with him...) Am I wrong? should I still go out of my way to reunite them? It started out temporary with an estimated 4-6 month period, but its been two years with no progress and actually she sees him less now... anyone have thoughts or opinions?

Hannah - posted on 03/18/2011

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I agree for the most part. But you can't force your step son to call you mom. Your going to have to earn that title from him in his timing. The more you force the issue, the more problems you will have with him and his real mother. Be the adult and let it go.

Ntahli - posted on 03/18/2011

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That is true Melissa so I heard coz I have not experience that. A MOM or DAD is the one who cares for children financially, emotionally and being supportive.

Tina - posted on 03/17/2011

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ultimately it's the childs choice and what they're comfortable with, if they choose to call a step parent or anyone else mum or dad it's their choice though. They still should know who there real parents are. The choice to call someone mum or dad should not be forced upon a child. I had it forced upon me but when i was in the bad books was to use their name. Now I am an adult I refuse to call someone dad or aunt/uncle what ever unless i am comfortable with it. It's hard enough coming from a broken family. Even if a parent is far from perfect ,a child should still have the right the choose.

Julie - posted on 03/17/2011

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Hey sweet girl -
Having your own blood child does not mean you automatically love it...
I was often reminded how unwanted I was... How cruel, huh?

Jane - posted on 03/17/2011

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Our kids are both adopted. What we told them is that parents have two jobs. The first is making kids and the second is raising them. Most parents can do both jobs just fine. However, when a set of parents can only do one job, then they find a set of parents that can do the other and they form a team. Thus, our kids know that they have both biological parents and forever parents, and they understand that job one only takes 9 months while job two takes a lifetime.



As long as they call me Mom I don't care what they call their biological parents as long as it is respectful.



My brother has a very blended family, including his children by his second marriage and her children from her first and second marriages, a child from her second husband's first marriage, and a grandchild by her son from her first marriage. He and his third wife call all of them "kids" and we call all of them "cousin." Blood doesn't matter. Family role does.



OTOH, the kids all call him "Sparky" or Ya-Yo and her either Mom, Ya-Ya or Swamp Monster (she is the step-mom from the swamps of Louisiana). As long as they say it in a polite tone, it doesn't really matter what name is used.

Loretta - posted on 03/17/2011

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Thank you for that!! My two sons are adopted and we are a 2 mom household. I explained early to my son that he is adopted ( my other son is 1 so he is too young for this conversation). At first it was stange having visits once a year with the birth Mother but I realize that both my boys see us as their parents! We get up with them at night, take care of them when they are sick, get them to school and daycare, laugh with them, hold them when they cry and make sure they eat healthy and get sunshine and exercise. THOSE things make you a parent not biological connections or other titles. Childen thrive on love and consistancy.

Colleen - posted on 03/17/2011

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I agree...I also have a step-son, unfortunately (for us) he lives with his mother. We would prefer that he lived with us, but that is not possible. He also has a step-father. His mother insists that he calls the step-father "Daddy". This makes my husband and I very upset. My husband is his Daddy and has been from day one (emotionally, financially, etc.). We feel that she should have chosen a different moniker to call the step-father. (I personally have a step-father that I call Poppa, I already had my Dad in my life but wanted a term of parental respect to call the new addition to our family, especially when my last sibling was born and we didn't want confusion with the names, it worked for us). We do not "make" my step-son call me anything but my name, he has slipped and called me mummy once or twice and he is free to choose any moniker he likes as he gets older (he is four, so just starting to make his own choices). It causes great confusion to our two year old when my step-son refers to his other male parent as Daddy.

We also do not refer to the two boys as half-siblings (just like I never did with my last brother).

We have also had issues with my SS showing up in clothing that did not fit (especially underwear and socks, we just go buy what he needs and send it back with him), calls asking for more money for something or other (we always just go buy what she has asked for), health issues that I personally have taken care of (ie dental and eye appointments, allergic reactions - eczema) as well as my husband asking over and over if his son had is immunizations, etc....

Ultimately the choice is your SS as to what he calls you and at what age he chooses. I would let him know how I felt if he is old enough to understand that it would hurt your feelings to not be "mom".

Stephanie - posted on 03/17/2011

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you need to realize, that just because you felt that way, doesn't mean the child in question does.
if he's old enough to know who his real mom is and who the step-mom and he choses not to call the step-mom "mom", that's perfectly alright.
no kid is obligated to call a caretaker "mom" just because they raise him.
kids sometimes think of it quite differently than adults do.
the term "mom" is a very personal one. he might feel he would hurt his real mom, by calling you "mom".
maybe he just doesn't want to.

depending on how old he is. you can sit him down, tell him you love him like he's your own, and if he chooses to call you 'mom' then that would be quite alright.
but you can not force that on any child.
that's just silly.

doesn't matter how bad his mom is, how much she cares for only herself, she is and will always be his mother.

Miriam - posted on 03/17/2011

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Melissa, i totally agree with you but i think you have to let go of some of these things because they will bug you and will hinder your happiness. we had to sort of adopt a relative girl of 16 after both her parents had passed on. she will disrespect you and it will get to my nerves worse because i did not have my husband's support. the day i resorted to letting go is the day i found peace to myself. she will get all sorts of influence from the mother's relatives but after 6years, she then discovered that we were the only people who really cared about her wellbeing. today i count on her to get things done which is different from what she was previously. just be good to this son regardless of what the mother is doing and one day he will really acknowledge your efforts.

Fipe - posted on 03/17/2011

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I think that you are right it is not biology that makes you the parent. My two boys BD hasn't been in their lives in 5 years. He hasn't paid anything in 4 years and when he was paying it was no where near anything that he was ordered to pay. The BD is in and out of jail. It comes down to what is best for the children. Sometimes it is good to have both BP in the child's life and as long as they can get together and work together that is good. My husband and I got married almost 4 years ago. My two older boys called him dad from before the day we got married. When thier BD found out that I was getting married he tried to tell them that he was going to be thier step dad. My son thought on it and then said that BD would be the step dad since he wasn't there and that thier dad, my husband, was their dad. We in no way refer to anyone as step or half in our house everyone is just family and the 3 younger children love thier brothers to death. As advice for you if the BM is not taking care of the child and neglecting her then I would fight for full custody. If she just annoys you, which most ex's love to do, I would just ignore it and try to get along for the childs sake. We were lucky my ex lives on the other side of the country and wants me to make all the effort for him to see the boys. I made sure that he would have to make that effort and he would have to be clean and pay for all cost for the visit before he could see them. I just didn't want him to keep coming in and out of thier lives I wanted to know that if he came to visit them that he wanted to see them not try to use them as a tool to hurt me which is something he constantly tried to do. And by the way my ex wasn't young just immature. When I got pregnant which my first I was 19 and he was 36 and I had to be the mature adult.

Melissa - posted on 03/17/2011

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You are thinking like an adult. you need to think like a child the age of your stepson and you need to look at it from his point of view. Sounds like to him mom is some one that hurts and disappoints him. If that's the case is that really who you want to be to him? Why not figure out an alturnative that he can call you? Odds are if the bio mom is in the picture she is telling him Not to call you mom, that you are not his mom and never will be. You can turn that around and say I might not be your birth mom but I will always be your.... {insert what ever works for you two here}. I never called my stepmother by anything but her first name, I think she and dad were married for nearly 10years. I have my bio dad who is deceased, dad-mom's second husband who adopted me when I was young and a step father who is always Scott. It feels weird to call him dad or my inlaws as mom and dad. Mostly because of the complicated realationships I've had growing up with the others who hold that title.

Tess - posted on 03/17/2011

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if she is still around she is still his mum. I am adopted and have met my birth mum and siblings. they are both my mum. I'd hate for someone to tell me what i should call them. Childs choice and all the info should be there.

Paula - posted on 03/17/2011

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Melissa, why don't you choose a title that you like that isn't the same as his birth mothers? That way no one will be offended or confused.



Of course you are also a parent to him, but a name isn't going to make your relationship to him any different. Love the boy and treat him like your own and be there for him when his own mother isn't. It sounds like that is exactly what you are doing :-) so good for you.



Is this whole question of parenting because of something the boys mother has said or done?

Genevieve - posted on 03/16/2011

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Just watched the movie Life As We Know It. This thread totally reminded me of the movie.

R - posted on 03/16/2011

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You are correct in all you say. I think its confusing for me personally when two people have the same title. How does anyone know if I am talking about my parents or my husbands? Isn't there another term of enderment you like or mom in a different language. A little boy I taught with two dads called the one popi and the other father. Just an idea...

Blu - posted on 03/16/2011

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How old is your stepson? It is about his feelings and not yours. You cant/shouldnt make him call you "Mom" no matter what you are doing for him because... well... you are not his mother. When step children call another person by a parental name it is becuase the are comfortable with that person and actually see them a their true parent. I call my stepmom by her first name (I met her at 11). My stepbrother used to call my dad Mr. (insert 1st name here). It wasnt until about 2 yrs ago when he started calling him Pops.



You are the child's parent but not his mother. He decides if you are his mother.



**Maybe Im raching here but I dont think she is saying she will/wants to force him to call her mom but moreso 'I do x,y,z which qualitfies me as his parent/mother so in the optimal situation shouldnt he think of me/call me his mother?'

Melissa - posted on 03/16/2011

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Paula I do not push him and will not push him ever .. I did say that in my feeds. Its his choice .. but i am his parent no doubt so to you I guess he should call me parent /not mom ..b/c the bio mom is coming around now ..

Kate - posted on 03/15/2011

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i agree ur. in my opinion ur mother and father are the people that raise u. they do not have to be biologially related to u but by raising u teaching u right from wrong, supporting u financially, mentally and emotionally, that is what makes a parent a parent.
I know someone who was raised by his grandparents(his mother abandoned him at the hospital) and called them mum and dad. and his biological mother he calls aunty. he believes the woman that raised him is his mother which i love. yet his half brother (who was also abandoned and given to his mothers sister) was raised by his aunt, but no longer treats her as the woman who raised him. he financially helps out his biological mother. but gives no support to the 1 that raised him even tho she is the 1 that needs it.
people look at things in deifferent ways, but that person that is there for you, holds ur hand when u cry or your hair when u puke is ur parent BLOOD RELATED OR NOT

Jolene - posted on 03/15/2011

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Both my brother and brother in law have raised a child that was not their biological offspring. Both children called them dad. They are both grown ups now and always refer to my brother, and brother in law as dad. It should not matter. My brother was told by his 'daughter' (when her bio-father tried to contact her) he is not my father you are. You were there for every crying night, heart break, sickness etc... I don't care whose Blood runs through my viens, you are my dad. My brother even tried to have her talk to her birth father in case she had questions or just wondered. But she refused, she wanted nothing to do with him. She was 18 and only considers my brother her dad. Same situation with my brother in law. Both have been these kids dads since they were 4.
The best advice I can give from watching through the window, is NEVER bad mouth the birth parent. Let the child Love you both without feeling quilty.
What a wonderful gift you can give, by allowing them to freely love both mother figures in their lives. To feel secure in the relationship with you to know they can love the woman who gave the life. Regardless of her mothering skills. She choose to give them life. What a grand gift. Let the child feel loved from the birth mother for that reason if no other. As they grow they will realize all the love you gave unconditional.
My sister in law was raised as a step child. She is closer to her step mother then her birth mother. The number one reason is her step mother allowed her to LOVE them both. While her birth mother did nothing but try and ruin the love she had of the step mother. She is now 38 and much closer to her step mother. BY FAR! She recognizes how her mother undermined the relationship and caused undo hardships for her as she was growing up by causing her to act up and act out against her step mom. She has fixed the relationship with the step mom because she was always made to feel loved and free to love them both. Because the step mom never talked badly about the mom.
Good luck, Remember to bite your tongue every once in a while. It helps. :D

Angel - posted on 03/15/2011

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I am "mom" to my stepkids. DH has had full custody since the youngest was 1 yr, and I came on the scene when she was 4. We also have one together. As a matter of fact, they call us both mom, and the Bio mom actually introduces me as the kids 'mom' because she knows I have been there for them 24/7. They see her as a favorite Aunt, but still call her mom and love her none the less, just differently. They now have extra grandparents as well. We have 'chosen' to make the situation work, for the kids' sake, and it has.

Kathy - posted on 03/15/2011

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One it is the child's choice. I have a friend whose mom died when we where 10. Her father remarried when she was 16. She was raised by her maternial grandparents after her mother died. Her father wanted her stepmom to legally adopter her. However in the state we were raised in it would have removed her mother's name from the birth certificate and a she did not want to do that as she loved her mother. She always called her stepmom by her first name is spite of the fact that the stepmom wanted be called mom. She always felt that she would be dishonoring her mother by doing so. So its a personal choice and no one that is not directly involved in the matter should have a say.

Jenni - posted on 03/15/2011

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@Melissa I don't know if you recall my original posts but a very ironic thing happend. Two days after I wrote, my SD referred to me as her "Other Mom". Twice on her weekend visit. I have to admit I was very flattered and encouraged that she felt that way. I gave her a big hug.
It's up to them to decide, I don't think they should be influenced in any way but I wouldn't see a problem with letting them know that you'd be ok with them referring to you as Mom. But it's up to them.

Melissa - posted on 03/15/2011

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I for years struggled with my parents raising me and not seeing my bio mom or knowing even who my real father is ( n still to this day dnt knw ). But like I said a mom n dad is who loves and cares in all aspects for a child to me . I love my son too much to force him or get mad about how he feels towards his birth mom and me ...what will be will be ...In my heart though I know one day when hes older he will respect my husband and I for everything we do, like we all do when we grow up

Melissa - posted on 03/15/2011

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Everything you are saying makes sense , thank you for the impute . I wrote this question to see what peoples opinions on this was . I knw that in future there might be an issue if his mother i still around which I will like a mature adult will accept it but for now he has chosen to call me that not by my choice . My husband and I told him he could call me mommy melissa n it turned into mom naturally cause his bio mom never came around . I love him he is my son if I could adopt him I would ! I wish only that his bio mom would grow up and be the mom we all can be if we tried harder every day !

Sarah - posted on 03/15/2011

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My step kids go between calling me Sarah and Mom, and truthfully, I don't care. Their mom lives in town, we get along just fine, though I think I see her more than they do (I like her, but she needs to improve how she relates to the girls, which is putting it nicely, I must say) I guess I feel like as long as they are respectful, obedient to me, and generally treat me as well as they'd treat their biological mother, a name is just a name. However, it does cause a problem with my younger kids, who I gave birth to, because they want to call me by my name as well, and that I don't want. The thing is, like with my 11 year old, I'm sure she feels a certain amount of non loyalty to her mom if she calls ME mom too, my 15 year old has serious mother issues...
Honestly, I think if you get hung up on the name that they call you, you're just headed for trouble. Is it really worth the battle? Like I said, with my 11 year old, she feels SOME loyalty to her mom... when her mom was in another state and she rarely saw her, she always called me mom... the minute her "mommy" moved back to the area, she started calling me by my name again. And guess what? I don't care. She needs to sort that out for herself. It doesn't change my role as caretaker, and it hopefully makes me LOOK better than if I got all upset and angry over it, when she's torn because she doesn't want her mommy to feel bad because she's calling some other woman mommy, even if I am that other woman. I'd have had trouble calling another woman mom, if my dad had ever remarried. My mom finally remarried when I was in my 20s, and I always called him by his name, or referred to him as my mother's husband... of course I was grown, and he never raised me, and that might have changed things...but I was very loyal to my dad, and would have struggled mightily with calling another man dad. It wouldn't have felt natural to me, and it would have felt like I was betraying my dad. So take that into consideration if you're making this a battle... sometimes titles mean power, and you deserve respect as the caretaker, but I would say, DON'T get hung up on the name... you can state what you want to be called, and why you want to be called that, but remember, that kid is human too with their own struggles, and they may have reasons for what they call you. I told my step daughter she could call me anything she wanted, and so she called me Woman, and I said, Except that! All I ask for is respect.

Merry - posted on 03/15/2011

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Blood doesn't define mom and dad. Too true.
My 'dad' ie the one who created me, I do not call dad. He lost the privilege to be called my dad because the way he treated me.
My mom died when I was 15 but she is still my mom.
When my 'dad' remarried he told us we had to call his wife mom. Heck no.
You can't force a teen into calling a new wife mom. Especially when their mom died and was greatly loved.
So now I have a mother in law. Who I call mom. She is to me my 2nd mom. I think mom and dad are earned titles, and the kid gets to decide if they use those titles.
I call my 'dad' Tom. And his new wife is barb.
I'll never call them mom or dad, and I don't think we are going to teach our son to call them grandpa and grandma either.
It sucks, yes Tom is biologically a grandpa, but due to his actions towards me he lost the right.

So it goes both ways.
A biological parent can lose the title,
And a non biological parent can gain the title.
It's all about what the child is comfortable with.

Melissa - posted on 03/15/2011

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Thank you for seeing my point ...The legal and court does not though in some circumstances . The mother could sell her child/ abandon their child / really put child at harms way and yet still canada would most likely give that birth parent another chance..crazy in my mind . When having a child you should protect them love them and not be selfish . Isnt that why you have a child ??

Deanna - posted on 03/14/2011

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Yes, indeed it does make you a mother.
A child by adoption is of no less importance than one who you gave birth to.

Holly - posted on 03/12/2011

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hi there i think you are right it does not matter who rasies you, a parent is a parent wither it be mom,dad,step mom,step dad,grandmom,granddad,any way as far as the child calling you his step mom,or mom or what ever you are wanting him to call you i personally think it is up to the child really i have 2 step children,1 boy,1 girl their mother passed away in 2007 and i married their dad in 2008 and well because of their age's my step son is 10 and my step daughter is 9 and well they call me by my first name,i have caught my step daughter a few times calling me mom,and yes i love that but i personally have made it their choice now as far as my 2 youngest boys my husband is not their biological father but my husband is really the only father they have ever known,my oldest sonis now 8 he has known my hubby as his dad since before he was 4 years old,and my youngest son has known my hubby as his dad since he was only 10 months old neither one of my son's know who their biological fathers are and well i do not think i will ever tell them unless they come to me and ask if they ever find out that the dad who has been raising them is not the real dad,but thats just me hun i am not one to judge,if you want your step son to call you mom, i really think its all about his age and if his biological mom is still alive really because if he already has a mom,do you think he may get confused knowing he has a mom already and now he has you as his step mom who wants him to call you mom,thats just my opinion really not a judgement at all hope every thing works out for you and your step son hun
hugs

Billie - posted on 03/12/2011

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I agree with you on all levels, but I don't agree with you saying that your step child "should" call you mom. Technically, you're not his blood mother so he shouldn't be forced to call you mom. Of course, if he wants to he can. But it's like I always told my step mothers (my dad has been married and divorced 3 times) "you may be my step-mother, but I already have a mom. You haven't earned the title mom from me, I have a mother."

But I can say, that I'm 23yrs old and I have a half sister who is 10yrs old right now. As a teen when I lived with my mother, my sister would come to stay with me, and so that she felt more apart of the rest of my family, my mom would actually let her call her grandma. She wouldn't let her call her mom because she had a mom, but she let her call her grandma, and she loved it.

Keri - posted on 03/11/2011

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"Parents" are the ones who raised you. Biological parents are sperm and/or egg donors if they don't raise the child. That may sound harsh, but it's the truth. I am fortunate enough to have been raised by both my biological parents and I have a biological brother (by both parents). On the flip side, my uncle (dad's bro) adopted my cousins when they were about 8 and 10. I remember at family functions before the marriage and adoption they used to call him John (his name) but that didn't last long. He has been Dad and they have been my cousins and that's it. I remember a time in middle school (I think) we were doing some biology-genetics tests in science class. We were supposed to evalute two simple genetic traits in the family - attached or unattached ears, or the ability to roll your tongue (into a U shape). I asked my mom if I should call and ask if my cousins, aunt and uncle could do this or if I should look at pictures to determine the ear issue. My mom had to remind me they are not biological to the family and that neither would be appropriate. I also know a couple who recently had a baby. She had a child by another man and my friend is his stepdad. Even BEFORE the marriage the little boy called him "Dad". I look at the pictures of the boy and his new little sister and have talked with the happy couple and the boy does not see her as his 1/2 sister but as his sister. "Capital M and Capital D" Mom and Dad are the people who raised you, not necessarily the people who birthed you.

Nikki - posted on 03/11/2011

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I grew up just looking 4 some1/any1 to care/show some TRUE love to me @ many different friends homes when I felt my own parents were too busy 4 me, so it's easy 2 say kids have more sets of parents than just their biological parents, I say THE MORE Role Models THE MERRIER...Our Blood Children Or Not Treat Em Like They Are... Without God Sometimes The Compassion 4 Others Children Can Bee A Challenge- God Is the Key In Any Wholesome Family & Making It Fun 2 Enjoy God's Love Is Also The Key, Don't Force It, Or It Wont Work--- Trust Me... ;D

Punkin - posted on 03/10/2011

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Kim Chettleburgh---- in my case, yes her birth mother is in the picture, only because the judge said i had to, she left this baby when she wasn't even a yr old, just left. we had lots of her birthday presents put up, she got wayyy to many and was gonna give them to her thru out the yr, well she took them all, took them to the store and got money back for them, she never bought 1 of them. Broke into my house and stole lots of stuff. spent 2 yrs in prison and then gets out and says, I want my baby. Is it really where you think I should just hand her over to her? I should just say, awww ya mommy is back, now she wants you. No, it don't work that way. Not if you love that child, whats best for that child is all that matters. No, I didn't give birth to her, but I am the ONLY one that has been here for her for her whole 5 yrs. The only one to support her and I never left her and I never will. Just because you give birth to a child DOES NOT make you a mother. I'm sorry, but this is a very sticky subject to me. That child is my life, she should have been the life of the one that gave birth to her, but she wasn't and she's not now. To her, she's a big child support check. Again, I'm sorry for goin off, but

Laurie - posted on 03/10/2011

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i totally agree that making a child feel they have a "normal" or secure upbringing is important. sometimes, being able to call the "mom" in their home "mom" might be the best thing if that's what the child wants. hugz to you for having a great "mom" and "dad" to bring you up. it sounds like you are going to pass those wonderful feelings on to your children and blended family situation! loving the kids is the important part, and you're showing your love by including all of your kids as one family. you sound like a good mom.

Melissa - posted on 03/10/2011

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Thanks for the comments this is mking me emotional b/c its helping me a lot feel not lost n the only one who has a child who I love so so much have another person claim and demand things frm child ie.im mother i wnt this n tht ... But shw no such care for tthe child only about herself ... it mkes me sad tht people can be this way . children are everything to me biological or not .. they deserve a good start to the race of life ...

Nova - posted on 03/10/2011

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i totally agree with you 100%. My fiance has brought up my boys and they are not his by blood. Their blood dad is a real a** who has nothing to do with them. So like i said i agree with you all the way.

Deana - posted on 03/07/2011

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I have to say yes and I think your grandparents did a good job. I am raising 2 of my grandchildren now.

Macresia - posted on 03/07/2011

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Surely, you are a Mother in the real sense of the word! There are biological mothers who sell their offspring....do you call them mother? The most important in the family relationship is the love that rules! GOD Bless! May your heart be open to forgiveness!

Debra - posted on 03/07/2011

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I do not agree. you did not say if the childs mom is in the picture? S i will tell you from experience that as bad as my Mom was i would never have called my stepmother Mom she was and is not my mother

Melissa - posted on 03/06/2011

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I just want to say to all the responses thanks for leaving your comments . I did not give in detail my situation . I would by no mean force a child to call me mom it was his choice . For quite some time my oldest boy didn't see his mother often at all . She would not call or come around for months . I feel bad that she did not have an more active role with her child in his first three years a lot of the time . This I guess is why I lack respect for the girl and only can wish things will change . The comment about being with a man with a child ...if you love a man and a child you cant run cause you cant stand the ex . Again I would not force a child to call me mom and I am prepared as he gets older he may want to call me by my name which would be a little hear breaking since I raise him and that he has a younger brother who I am mother too. But what will be will be . Children are very influenced and I will have a very difficult time with his bio mom because she will do everything in her power to put me in the dark even to do with MY HUSBAND .... I need her to grow up move on from thinking she has something with my husband and be the mom she claims to be and I will be fine with that then the problems now will disappear.

Kim - posted on 03/03/2011

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@Kati, I totally agree! When this child is an adult they will realise who it was who was there for them, who cared for and provided for them. You dont need to push the issue to get a title. just do what a mom does, Love unconditionally. no matter what the child calls you.

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