What do you think of my situation?

Betty-Jean - posted on 11/05/2009 ( 21 moms have responded )

3

12

0

I am a mother of two going through a custody battle. My "husband" took our children out of state without my permission because he said "he could make a better life for them there." Now I cant call and talk to them and this is the second time its happened because i was never able to take the kids back into my custody. My lawyer and the cops say that according to the law he is doing nothing wrong. I ask you this.. should there be a law against a parent taking their child out of state when they are separating?

This conversation has been closed to further comments

21 Comments

View replies by

Rachel - posted on 03/08/2012

201

11

28

The children should be able to go anywhere with any parent when there is visitation. But moving is a different story; do you have an separation agreement with the courts? Or a visitation agreement?

Robin - posted on 11/12/2009

39

16

5

YES there should be some kind of law....but there isn't. My granddaughter was taken over 800 miles away by her father. The police were not helping us. They told my daughter to get an attorney....well that takes time. So we figured if he could come here and just take her and nothing happen....then we could do the same. My daughter drove down to LA and got her baby! She walked in the house while he was sleeping, picked up her baby and ran!!! Thank God this worked out. They are now fighting out the custody issues...but we have our baby!

Heather - posted on 11/09/2009

24

59

0

I live in IN and anytime I have moved I have to fill out a paper informing my ex husband of the move at least 1 month in advance and he has so much time to fight the move, or petition that I cannot move. Luckily he's never done that b/c I've always been close to him, but it's in our divorce agreement. I guess all states are different and I have heard of this happening before.

Sherry - posted on 11/09/2009

38

1

0

Quoting Betty-Jean:

What do you think of my situation?

I am a mother of two going through a custody battle. My "husband" took our children out of state without my permission because he said "he could make a better life for them there." Now I cant call and talk to them and this is the second time its happened because i was never able to take the kids back into my custody. My lawyer and the cops say that according to the law he is doing nothing wrong. I ask you this.. should there be a law against a parent taking their child out of state when they are separating?



i wasn't bashing you not even close cause i've gone through the court system and got bad advice from my old lawyer at the time and i lost my child and i was upset at the time so i tried to find another lawyer that would take legal aid which is hard to do these days since i didn't work at the time neither but it took me a year to get a job and get my life back on track after a long time of abuse from my child's father and i finally got a new lawyer and got full custody of my child and the only time he sees our child is every other weekend with supervision by his grand mother and as well as a worker who comes over to check on him as well. all i'm saying to you is that it was my job to prove to the court system that i would be the best parent for our child as it is yours as well by both getting your life on track and keeping it there as i did and i see that you are and as long as you keep at it things should work in your faviour thats all. sorry if there was an misunderstanding between us.

[deleted account]

In the State of Florida if the parents are divorced they are not allowed to remove the child from the state EVEN if it is for a better life for the kids without the other parents legal approval. As stated by someone else on the postings there should definitely be a local Family Law Center in your area that can help you out with this situation, please do look into this because the only ones getting hurt in all of this adult battle are the kids and it's very unfortunate your ex doesn't realize the damage being done.

Betty-Jean - posted on 11/08/2009

3

12

0

well when i havent worked in three years so i could b a stay at home i tend not to have money to pay for a good lawyer and now that i have a job that might change, so never say that i don't care about my children! i wasn't looking to be bashed i was looking for advice.

Sherry - posted on 11/08/2009

38

1

0

to be honest with you i think your lawyer and the cop that told you that is a mornon if you can get child support from someone who lives in another country you can find out what state he is in and hire a new lawyer and take him to court there if you truly care for your children there is always a way aournd just try looking deeper into it. you have a right as their mother unless proven other wise by a judge ina court room.

Janice - posted on 11/08/2009

2

9

0

I feel there is little more to the story than you're telling. You said you don't have custody of them so he does have the right to take them wherever he wants HOWEVER he should consider you and your children's feelings that they need and you need the contact even over the phone. I do hope you win your custody battle and if you do that you wouldn't do the same as he did. Children do need both parents as long as the behaviour of one parent isn't detremental to the kids

Isobel - posted on 11/06/2009

9,849

0

286

There is likely an information center in the vicinity of your town/city's family court. Here it's called FLIC (Family Law Information Center). They can tell you much more clearly what your rights and obligations are.

Again...Good Luck

Kara - posted on 11/06/2009

0

0

38

Good gracious! My heart aches for you ~ you need to look into other avenues, especially if you're not receiving help from your lawyer or the police. I wish I could offer more advice...

Isobel - posted on 11/06/2009

9,849

0

286

I almost lost custody for moving to the next City over (literally half an hour's drive)...Sorry to hear about your situation, unfortunately if custody proceedings have not started yet, there isn't much you can do....other than move there yourself and get ready for court.

Good Luck.

[deleted account]

The last time I was in a custody battle, until the JUDGE decided, neither parent could move the children. You need a new lawyer. Unless he has custodialship, or a restrainning order on you, you can get the kids back. Contact legal aid, or go talk to the court itself to see what your options are. Prayers to you!

Carolyn - posted on 11/06/2009

16

21

2

Quoting Carolyn:

Yes!!!!! I think it should be against the law.I wouldn't let anything come between me and my children.


 

Sharon - posted on 11/05/2009

11,585

12

1315

What if the shoe were on the other foot? What if you could get a better job with good housing in another state?

Not that what he did isn't wrong. I think it is. When this stuff happens I think people usually do it out of spite rather than in the best interest of the children.

IF you are still married you can go take them back yourself. But I imagine that would be rather damaging to the children.

You can stay in your home state - get your divorce and in order for him to contest it or the provisions you state in it, he would have to come back. THEN you could get the children back or have them placed 100% in your custody via the divorce decree.

Katie - posted on 11/05/2009

204

62

15

i would soo pissed off..im sorry that you have to go through this..i dont think that the father should be able to take the kids out of state..i wish there was a law against this. Was it joint custody or was it full custody?? i would defin be taking this back to the courts..usually the courts and the cops favor the moms when it comes to kids and who gets them..i dont know why they are favoring the dad.....every kid needs a mom..i know..my mom died when i was a baby and them kids are goin to go through a rough life if they dont have u there with them. before he took them again did you have them with you? i wouldnt of let him take the kids if he took them again. i honestly think this is kidnap and i wish the cops/courts would do something about this. its messed up...if i were you i would honestly go and get a new lawyer who would fight for you and the kids..i know it costs alot of money for them but that is the only way i think that you would be able to get them back in full custody.

Laura - posted on 11/05/2009

24

60

1

Did you originally have custody of the children or was it joint custody? If you had full custody and he took them then technically that's considered kidnapping especially because if you were not informed. Jointly, I would think that that is something that needs to go back to the courts and discussed with the judge and if I were you I'd start searching for a new lawyer who CAN and WILL fight for your kids back. Preferably a woman lawyer who has kids of her own or a lawyer who was a district attorney.

Stina - posted on 11/05/2009

1,055

19

108

Are you able to get a parenting plan in place? I am in Washington state and know that here, when going through a separation, it is best to make a parenting plan- this is a temporary document that you bring before a judge for approval wich puts in writing a plan visitation and travel/living allowances and restrictions. It can also include child support. When divorce is final and custody is decided- a more permanent plan is made.

It's horrible that your husband has taken your children out of state. Why are you not able to call and talk to them? Keep fighting for visitation/custody/the ability to remain in contact. You are their mom and they need you.

I don't think there should be a law preventing a parent from taking their children out of state when separating because it could prevent parents from physically removing themselves and thier children out of a harmful, potentially dangerous situation. (domestic violence, abuse).

You should be able to restore contact between your kids... and hopefully, eventually a better compromise for custody.

Melissa - posted on 11/05/2009

77

29

11

What state are you in? I live in WI and there is a law against this once divorce/legal separation proceedings have started

User - posted on 11/05/2009

46

12

1

sad to hear what u going thru,how old are ur children?if the old enogh would be the best to decide with who they wanna stay.i really dont understand why nobody is helpig to get the kids back(cops,court)in this situation he says he might give them a better life but what about the kids?children always need their mother.i hope for u everything goes well and u can hug ur babs soon.

Amber - posted on 11/05/2009

53

28

5

oh hell no.. I am so sorry hunny.. I think that is B.S. He should NOT be able to do that. What state are you in?? That is ridiculous. No.... he should NOT be able to do that at all.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms