What do you think of the lady who had the mother arrested in public for swearing?

Amanda - posted on 08/22/2014 ( 26 moms have responded )

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I think that lady was ridiculous. She could've asked the mother politely to stop and then walked away if she didnt. Instead she acted childish and called the cops over a swear word.when they have more important jobs to do.swearing in front of your kids isn't damaging nor is it abuse. Swearing at your kids ( saying get over here now you MF'ers) could be abuse. But there's a big difference between swearing at them and swearing in front of them. The lady who called the cops should've been arrested for wasting an officers time while they were needed for serious issues we have going on in this country. I think it's a good thing for kids to hear swear words from the parent so that they know that those words are off limits until theyre atleast in highschool. these words dont need to be a taboo thing.Reality is kids will hear them at school ect. That being said kids should be taught that adults can swear children can not.... sorry just needed to vent.

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Jodi - posted on 08/25/2014

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Actually, swearing at your kids IS a form of domestic abuse and it DOES damage a child mentally and often permanently. Try telling some of the kids I teach that its okay that their parents swear at them. They are damaged children. I can't believe someone can possibly think that swearing at a child is not a form of abuse. I think you need to do some research into what constitutes abuse - it includes mental abuse.

Jennifer - posted on 08/25/2014

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Swearing at your kids on its own does NOT necessarily constitute abuse. I.E.:
"You're a fucking idiot" = abuse
"Clean your goddamn room" = not abuse
"You're such a little bitch" = abuse
"Quit your bitchin'" = not abuse
"Go to hell, effer" = abuse
"That math teacher sure put you through hell, huh?" = not abuse

Please note that while some of these statements don't qualify as abuse, that doesn't mean they're perfectly acceptable. Swearing at/in front of your kids certainly doesn't qualify as parenting best practices, but no one's perfect. We all have off days and we all get frustrated, and for some people (myself included), swearing lets them blow off steam in a non-violent, verbal way. Frankly, the tone and emotion behind the statement are far more likely to cause harm than the words themselves. It's the anger that will hurt the kid, not the swear word itself, and because of that, an apology would probably be in order if you cussed out your kid - but they aren't going to "go psycho and blow up a school or kill themselves" because they heard a few swear words as a kid.

The truth is we can't know EXACTLY what happened in this particular situation because we weren't there - which is exactly why no one here has the right to pass judgment. And besides - what makes "swear words" any worse than regular words"? Why can I say "heck" to my daughter and not "hell"? If they mean the same thing, what's the difference? The truth is, they are JUST WORDS. I agree that words have power, but it's the meaning, tone and sentiment behind them that causes the hurt. Saying "shut the hell up" means one thing when said in disbelief in response to being told something incredulous, but something completely different when said in anger to a kid who's interrupting your favorite TV show for the sixth time.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/25/2014

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IMO...Yes, that's mental abuse. Why can a parent, a good, loving parent, as you describe, not find better words to use?

Why is profanity even necessary when referring to the room of (for example) a 4 year old? Answer: It's not, but mom/dad simply doesn't want to police their language.

Amanda - posted on 08/24/2014

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Exactly Jackie,I agree with that. I was sworn in front of as a child. Never sworn at though. I turned out fine. I knew not to swear until I was an adult, but I made that mistake once. I still turned out fine.

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Jackie - posted on 08/26/2014

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I agree with Jennifer's post. Circumstances and context do matter. All the research in the world doesn't mean **** because one situation doesn't apply to another's. :)

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/25/2014

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The only thing that I can speculate as to why she was actually arrested, rather than ticketed (which would have been logical, considering the ridiculous scope of that particular law, in this day & age) would be that there were possibly either underlying circumstances (outstanding warrant, or violence towards officers during the contact).

Honestly, it is a ridiculous law, and I cannot imagine the money and manpower wasted trying to keep it enforced!

Jackie - posted on 08/25/2014

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Because that is not their way Shawnn, that is not how they were raised. In their eyes its perfectly ok. They realize their kids are going to do it and they think its funny. Its exactly how I was raised, and I turned out just fine. And ultimately that is your opinion, but do I think their children are going to grow up feeling unloved or damaged because of it, absolutely not. WHY? Because those kids know they are loved. You are right they don't want to police their language and like Amanda said they are going to hear it somewhere whether at home or outside because we can not control others language, as much as we might want to.

Amanda - posted on 08/25/2014

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I understand that she violated a law, but arresting her took it too far. I'd understand them ticketing her. However in the grand scheme of things this was a minor offense compared to everything else you can be arrested for. Kids shouldn't be sworn at. That being said they shouldn't hear major fights either. My parents did swear infront of me, but they never allowed me to swear until my senior year in HS. I swore once coming out of anesthesia as a little one. I don't think they did anything about it then.when I was in school and called my sis a b word I got in trouble.now I can swear when I want, but I can never swear at my mom and will never swear at kids.

Jackie - posted on 08/25/2014

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I am sorry that you had to experience that Shawnn, I truly am. We all have our share of sadness that is for sure. I will refer to my previous post telling your kids to pick up their effing toys or insert your choice of expletive here. Maybe one time, maybe daily, I have friends like this and they LOVE their kids and care for them in every sense of the word. And yes they are young children. This is not my preference, not how I talk to my kids, but are they being abused? No, I don't think so. I am not saying its right, but again not abuse.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/25/2014

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If a 'young adult' is being a bitch, then, no, being told she's being a bitch is not abuse, its the truth.

However, you took it out of the context that we're speaking in. We're speaking of YOUNG children. When do you consider it NOT to be abuse with young children?

FYI, I was verbally and emotionally abused by my mother for 18 years, until I recognized it and got myself out of the cycle.

Jackie - posted on 08/25/2014

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In my opinion cussing at your child is not acceptable that is why I make a habit of NOT doing it. I do have friends that do. Ok, "how about clean your effing room?" is that abuse? When that parent loves their child completely and does everything and anything for their children.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/25/2014

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You said that it could be abuse, depending on context and situation. I'm asking you to define a context/situation that you think it IS acceptable, and NOT considered abuse.

Dove - posted on 08/25/2014

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I hate that 'sticks and stones' thing. Words CAN and DO do more damage than sticks and stones every day... Depends on the person using those words and the person they are directed at.

Swearing at a kid is never ok. Swearing at the kid's father in front of the kid very well can be emotional abuse. Emotional abuse leaves deeper scars than physical abuse... and those are scars you can't see until a kid goes psycho and blows up a school or kills themselves.

Swearing around a kid... well, now I guess that depends on your beliefs. I don't swear, so I'm not about to do it around my kids. The neighbors? Oh boy... the things that are coming out of LITTLE kids mouths around here lead me to believe that what 'you' expose your kid to very much DOES matter. My kids have been cussed at, threatened, had their butts grabbed, etc... all by kids at LEAST half their age... if not younger. Yeah... so, no... swearing at your kid is damaging and swearing around your kid very well can be damaging as well... depending on what else goes along w/ it.

If your second/third grade boy is singing sex related songs to and grabbing the butt of my EIGHTH grade girl... you, as a parent... suck.

Disclaimer... all the above is based merely on my own personal experiences in the general category of swearing and parenting... or lack thereof. I'm well aware that not everyone that swears is a crap parent. ;)

Jackie - posted on 08/25/2014

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for instance, when I was 15-16, in a heated argument I was called something along the lines of effing little b, did I call her the same thing, yes. Was that abuse? No.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/25/2014

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In what context or situation is swearing at a kid acceptable?

Jackie - posted on 08/25/2014

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Yes Shawn I realize that, like I said there are cases where it COULD be abuse. But it depends on the context and situation. I simply stated that in this case I don't think it was.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/25/2014

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The whole reason that she was arrested is that she violated a law in that area. There is a law on the books, and the law was enforced. I swear at my husband all the time...LOL...who doesn't? But generally, in front of the kids, we really tried to tone it down, simply because that was easier than mitigating the damage later when the 3 YO learns how to accurately use the words in context...at the top of his lungs, in a very public arena.

I'm not saying that the law, itself, isn't ridiculous, because it is, but it's on the books and enforceable. Besides that, it sounds as if both of these parents need lessons in appropriate behaviour in front of their kids, as well as in public.

Granted, I'd probably have muttered something to the offending parent along the lines of 'great example you're setting there, momma'...and gone my happy way...

Oh, and Jackie? Swearing AT your children IS mental abuse. How many times do you think a 4 YO can hear "you're a fucking idiot" before it starts to affect them?

Jackie - posted on 08/24/2014

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Well Jodi, I am not saying it is OK, but certainly does not mean that the kids being abused. There are many many cases of child abuse that constitute having your children removed etc, and there are children whose parents swear at them and it doesnt mean that they dont love them and they should be taken away. I dont swear at my kids certainly it is not ideal but for some people that is how they were raised and it is what they view as normal. Being beaten (black and blue) is abused, being raped, or molested by ur parents is abused. Not cussing at them. Like I said not ideal and maybe there are cases that it could be abuse. But not this one, the report I read said she was swearing at her husband for squishing the bread.

Jodi - posted on 08/24/2014

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Sorry, I can't agree that swearing AT a child is ok, Jackie. Being sworn AT is abuse. If you were sworn at, you were abused. Sworn in front of I don't see as an issue. Sure, you may have turned out fine, but many don't.

Jackie - posted on 08/24/2014

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I think it's just absolutely ridiculous! Just one more gov intrusion into our lives! Geez my parents aunt uncles every adult I knew as a kid swore at us and in front of us and we turned out fine! Sticks and stones.

Jodi - posted on 08/23/2014

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It depends on how the swear word is used. To be honest, I've read another perspective on this where she claims she was swearing at her husband. That's damaging to a child as well.

Jodi - posted on 08/22/2014

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From my understanding she wasn't just wearing in front of them, she swore AT them. That can damage a child.

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