what exactly are we supposed to do about lying oh and the desire for negative attention?

Abigail - posted on 12/23/2008 ( 11 moms have responded )

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Well... my 6 yr old has taken it upon herself to lie about EVERYTHING and i mean everything... even stuff she knows we know is a lie obvious stuff like if she brushed her teeth or not or having homework... and when we sit and talkto her about it she will turn around and lie again while we're talking... also she has this thing where she malingers in order to skate out of chores and to take medicine... she likes the stuff i used to run from it... HELP!!!

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Holly - posted on 11/24/2010

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hi there I know this is an old message but good info you need to catch her in a lie I video taped my daughter with a nanny cam and latter we watched it with my hubby and she sure had a red face and after we spoke to her about lying we made sure her red face looked just like her tushy when we where done. .

Abigail - posted on 12/24/2008

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thank you again this has helped i am going to implement this when i need to... merry Christmas...

Tasha - posted on 12/24/2008

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I don't think you should have to acknowledge every little thing they do right. Then they are doing for the praise, not because they should. Telling her you are proud of her for doing her chores every now and then is good. If she does her chores without being asked I would make a big deal out of it (Wow! That was amazing, what a big girl you are! type of thing), but we shouldn't teach our children that they will be rewarded for everything. If we do they are going to be sorely disappointed when the rest of the world doesn't do it. With the lying I would try not to make a big deal out of it either. If she is doing it for the attention, even if it is negative, play it down. Let her know you are disappointed she chose to lie, then give her her punishment immediatley. When dealing with my oldest, we essentially tell him that we are very disappointed in the choice he made to lie and that he is now grounded - not for what he originally did, but for the lie. That way he understands he is being punished for lying. My younger kids don't lie hardly at all, because they don't want to be grounded and they know that is what will happen. It's a hard habit to break, but it needs to be broken! Good luck!

Abigail - posted on 12/24/2008

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thanks for the advice... i was wondering though... as per the suggestion regarding the acknowledgment of doing whats right... we do that with her at first then once she does what she is supposed to we start to congratulate her less and less on the same item being that she is supposed to do it and it should be a daily habit... i am sure she is seeking attention anyway possible but it is hard to say good job about something like making her bed when it is a daily task and she has been doing it on her own for a while... every now and then i will say i am proud of her for doing her chores but we don't feel like it should be necessary to reward daily tasks that should be automatic...

Tasha - posted on 12/24/2008

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With the grounding, we ground our kids for the rest of the day. After spending an afternoon of sitting on the bed with nothing to do but look at a book, they tend to rethink lying, even if they love reading as my son does. It's the knowing they can't do anything else while. Good luck!

Abigail - posted on 12/24/2008

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these are all great ideas and i havent tried some of this stuff but we have taken things away... and we have tried time out... i shall use the grounding idea...

Mari - posted on 12/24/2008

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this is kind of controversial but, have you tried a little soap or vinegar or hot sauce . For my kids the vinegar got them I have not really had a lying problem since using it.

Tasha - posted on 12/24/2008

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When my oldest started lying about stuff all the time we talked to him about why he should/shouldn't. Of course he would still lie about everything thinking he wouldn't get in trouble that way. We started grounding him everytime he was caught in a lie, as this is the one thing he dreads. It has helped tremendously.

Stacy - posted on 12/24/2008

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Perhaps the attention she gets from lying is what she is seeking? "Catch" her doing appropriate things and tell her thanks, I appreciate that you are ------- fill in blank. Explain to her that lying will make you not be able to trust her/ believe her words and why that is important. Use natural consequences when you can and whatever you tell her the consequence will be, make sure to follow through and be consistent.

Jeanette - posted on 12/23/2008

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Well you know how they say when a child bites bite them back?? Well maybe you can show her how lying feels like when the shoe is on the other foot! You could say how you will do something for her and then tell her a little while later how you lied about it and ask her how that made her feel?? Or you can always do the whole soap in the mouth when she lies! You can't do liquid due to upset tumme, but bar soap works well! I have 4 kids and you do have to stay on top of the whole lying thing, everykid is different good luck!! Jeanette

Corinne - posted on 12/23/2008

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I have one that used to do the same thing. We had to play what I call "Tuff Love". We stared taking away everything from her. It started with extra activities, then no friends, and eventually she could come home and go to her room. She had to earn these things back. It was hard, but it worked.

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