What gives a mother the right to think she has full control over her childs relationship with its dad?

Claire - posted on 01/25/2013 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Help please?
I am in a relationship and my husbands ex is controlling his right to see his child.

My question is: How much do I get involved, I have sent her messages, I have asked for when she is off work so we can arrange to see his child, she has thrown in my face that I have nothing to do with her child, and I feel very stressed at this fact, that I am giving up things and working flippin hard so that we can pay her her maintenance....She doesn't seem to understand the effort that I go through to make sure that when we visit (we live in Sweden and she lives in Wales) I arrange all the visits, around her and she is still awkward....I feel that I want to cut her money back to what she deserves, and when she decides to buck up her ideas then I will increase her money is this right?

I have been a single mum too, and the treatment that she is giving my husband I would never give to my sons father, and he left me for another woman!

Or should I just stay out of it?

5 Comments

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Cile - posted on 01/25/2013

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I am so sorry, Clarie. I just joined this group & this is exactly one of the issues that I have. We hurt for our husbands & I have been torn apart for mine, but I am starting to see that my job is to love him through this. I, too, have tried to reach out to his ex but she now totally ignores my texts. She says that she wants what is best for the kids but if she truly did then she would realize that she is keeping half of who the children are from them. I honestly believe that she uses the children as a way to get back at him. I have looked at this situation from every angle. Love your husband with all you have. Love him even more when he is hurting & angry. I make up care packages from time to time for my husbands children & send since we are not in the same state. This makes my husband feel like there is some contact. Keep your head up & believe that it will get better. I don't think withholding money will do anything but cause another issue between all of you & the money is for the children. They are the only thing in all of this that matters. Continue to be that wonderful wife & step-mom that you are. : )

Dove - posted on 01/25/2013

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You need to stay out of it and let him handle it. I don't know what the legal systems are like in other countries, but does he have a court order for visitation and child support? If not, he needs one. If so, he should go by that and if she's violating it.... take it back to court (or however it works over there).

I know in the US that child support and visitation are completely unrelated, so I am going to say that no... withholding her money is not right. That would be using the child as a pawn just as much as she seems to be doing and two wrongs don't make a right.

S. - posted on 01/25/2013

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It is horrible, I hate it when people can't be amicable for the sake of the children but its just unfortunate and IMO all you can do is be his back bone and support him. Has he been to court? Sometimes there's no other option.

Claire - posted on 01/25/2013

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He is at the end of his tether, the pain in his face is awful, these mothers don't realise what they are doing to the child or the fathers when they think about what they want and not what is in the best interest of the child!

S. - posted on 01/25/2013

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I think you just need to stay out of it, as frustrating as it is it is between them not you and unfortunately some women think because they have the child living with them they have all the power.
Have you just arranged an amount of money to give her or are you going through CSA? I think maybe CSA would be a better choice.

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