Elizabeth - posted on 02/24/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )
Quick background; I am 26 and a single mom of a 5 year old beautiful little girl. Her dad and I were together 5 years before we had her, and we split up 3 years after. He was in and out of jail, and has been in jail for about 5 months every year of her life. So he is constantly in and out of her life. Although he wasn't this way in the begining, he became a drug addict and his life is a mess. Current visitation is my daughter stays at his moms house every other weekend (where its her nana, papa, two uncles and her aunt) so she is surrounded by his family who is heavily involved in her life. (which is awesome to me, the more love for her the marrier). He can see her when she's at his moms house if he chooses (when he's not in jail he sometimes shows up, sometimes doesnt). But it's consistent in her going there which helps her not be as disappointed if he doesnt. Back to the matter at hand, he has been in jail for the last few months, missed a third christmas in a row. My daughters older and understands hes a good person but makes bad choices and going to time out town which is called jail. She wants to see him when he gets out, but doesnt want him to go away again. After I told her he will be out soon, she was hysterically crying saying she wanted to see him but she's scared he will go back to time out town, and also said "mommy I just can't live like this anymore, why can't he just make good decisions?". To hear that from a five year old is heart breaking. Should I put in motion that he can not see her for a certain period of time after being released until he's stable and able to prove he wont be involved in activities that can put him back in jail just to spare her the heartache? Or should I allow him to see her (supervised of course) and just deal with it if he goes back? I hate seeing her hurt. When I suggested to her that maybe she should express these feelings to him, she said "it's okay for me to tell you when you made me sad or mad, but if i tell him...I just cant do that". He's made suicidal comments in front of her before so she tries to act all happy in front of him, she does want him in her life. I just want her to be happy and have stability. I can deal with being there for her, but I don't know if there's something I can or should do about it, or if I should just let it be how it is and love her and be there for her if he disappears again.