Rachael - posted on 01/29/2011 ( 18 moms have responded )
I am 20 and expecting my first daughter around March 18. The father and I have been together for almost 2 yrs and living together for one. We are 9 yrs apart, he is divorced and has 3 kids, all of which live with their mother. This pregnancy was extremely unexpected as he was told he would never have any more kids because of his time in Iraq and fight with cancer a few years ago.
We have a very strong relationship, and he wants to keep this little girl very, very much. He is unready to re-marry because of his divorce situation and is currently going through counseling to work through issues that ended his first marriage. The reason for the end of his first marriage was because they married because of a baby and were told it was the right thing to do at the time. He doesn't want to repeat that same mistake, but he has made it clear he wants to marry me, just not now. He has been extremely supportive the entire pregnancy and is doing his best to prepare for caring for our daughter, even though finances are really tight now. He does not want our daughter to be put up for adoption and has begged me to let him keep her if I feel I am not ready to be a mother.
My family is pressuring me a lot to put her up for adoption or for the two of us to get married. I want desperately to keep her, but I am worried my parents are right that we are risking her future because there is 'no guarantee' that the two of us will work. They tell me I am risking the rest of my life if this relationship does not work, because I will end up being a single mom and live in poverty the rest of my life. They want me to give her up and 'get a fresh start' with my life. I believe my parents want what is best for my daughter, and I so do I - but I don't think adoption is the best way to go, because of the emotional issues it will put on her, when her dad and I had a very strong chance of making it together. I believe the father means all he says and that he is committed to us, but it is a risk, nonetheless. If I give up my daughter, I will 'get a fresh start' as my parents say, to finish college and do something with my life - and they say it is better for her to be in a stable situation with two married parents and financial security.
I need a perspective from someone who is not emotionally attached to this situation and can really give some insight on what they think would be best for this little girl. I do not want to hurt her, ruin her life or emotionally scar her because of a stupid choice I make. I already messed up by not taking more precautions into how and why she was conceived, and I don't want to make things worse.