What is so wrong about me asking for family time?

Elizabeth - posted on 04/11/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My fiancee frequently goes to happy hours after work with his co workers and he says that I should make some friends and start doing the same thing plus it help me get ahead in my career to organize social events with coworkers. Okay, well his point of view is completely different than mine because I believe that after work is family time and time to prepare for the next day. Plus we just don't go out that often together. I don't want to leave my daughter all the time to go out with other people when I want to dedicate my life to my daughter and to him.

Should I just be cool with him doing everything his coworkers invite him to do? I trust him. I just really miss him and sometimes I want me and him to go out together.

3 Comments

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Brooke - posted on 04/12/2013

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I can see both points of view here. How much are you expecting him to stay home? Every night? Once a week? It is all well and good to stay home with your daughter, but what about when she gets old enough to want to go out too? You don't want to be one of those women sitting at home alone drinking. On the other hand, you are supposedly together because you like to spend time together. How about seeing if you can arrange maybe 2 definite family nights a week (early in the week is good because it does not interfere with 'weekend time'), have a night or two when you go out too, to do your own thing, then spend the rest of the time enjoying your daughter. If he does not want to be there that is fine too. One more point- I used to stay at home all the time too, then one day I decided why should I be waiting on him? I went out and started to find my own group of friends. Funnily enough, within a couple of months, HE was asking for us to spend more time together. The less available you are to him, the more he will want to see you. Just don't go overboard and ignore him completely.

Elizabeth - posted on 04/11/2013

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Sarah, thank you. This is what I am trying to do. But I just really want some attention. I think I have to leave him if this continues. It doesn't feel like there is any working it out. But I do thank you for being the first person not to tell me to leave him, because I want some people to say, figure something out , work it out. I don't like giving up on love or family.

Sarah - posted on 04/11/2013

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I would do two things. First, figure out what you want out of life and how you want your life to be like. Second, once you have that figured out. Then talk to him. Let him know that this is what you want out of your life and where you want things to go (keeping room for compromise). If he is willing to either go with that or you two can work out a compromise that works for the both of you great. If not then you have to make a decision. You can't change him and if there is no compromise or change then you have to decide if you are going to give up what you wanted out of life or are you going to look for that person that has that same vision. If you give up the life you wanted then you have to realize that you can't complain about what you gave up and you can't resent him for giving it up.....it was a choice you made knowing how/what things he put as important.

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