what is the best discipline for a two-year-old?

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Joanne - posted on 05/03/2009

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The Happiest Toddler on the Block was very helpful for me. Focus on the positive! Make sure the child feels heard. Give him the words for what he is struggling to communicate. Teach him how I WANT him to behave. I do not punish him. Occasionally, if he is so upset he can not be calmed down, I remove him from a situation,. but not a time out as punishment. I'm a behavior specialist in public schools and frankly, studies show its not effective. In terms of classical conditioning, punishment is only used so often because it is reinforcing to the punisher. It is the LEAST effective way to shape behavior.

Autumn - posted on 05/03/2009

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It all depends, ultimately, on what works for you. But remember- discipline should NOT be about punishing your child. A 2 year old is developmentally wired to test your limits and is too young to understand why those limits are there- the goal of discipline is to teach them that. I teach 2-year-olds in a daycare center, and we always try to redirect them to another activity before a problem happens- but if something does occur, we give them a minute to calm down (we call it "taking a break", but essentially it is a time out) and as soon as they are calm we have a conversation about the behavior in simple, toddler language. "It's not okay to hit our friends because it hurts them and makes them sad." "It's not okay to throw our toys because they get broken and we can't play with them anymore." You can extend this to any other situation that happens at home- "It's not okay to use screaming voices in a resturaunt because it hurts other people's ears". Once your toddler seems to understand, you can use it to remind them before something happens- if they are about to throw a toy or hit someone, ask them if that is okay, and most of the time they will say no and change their mind about doing it. It may not get immediate results in the way a technique like spanking works, but it does something even more important- it teaches the child why, and ultimately gives them the tools to control their own behavior so you don't have to do it for them.

Laura - posted on 05/06/2009

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Your child at two is learning not only what all her abilities are but also learning language. She's learning the difference between no's and okay's. Make sure your voice intonation lets her know that no's are wrong but not scary. We always said "uh oh that's a no no" in a lower, firm but still nice voice and praise was much more happy and expresive. Time outs were used only for big things like hitting and the explaination has to be very simply "you hit, you sit". Two year olds can't understand alot of explaination, keep it simply, end any discipline with her apologizing and you saying "I love you" and a hug.

Jennifer - posted on 05/05/2009

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Right on Autumn! Behaviour management is problem solving not punishment and the sooner children understand and own their problems and contribute to the problem solving process the better off they are. My children come up with ways to fix their problems and make ammends where needed. This gives them the opportunity to help others feel better but also helps them to remember that they are good people too that make mistakes occasionally. Younger children, older children, and adults often need time to calm down before they can do this as thinking and feeling don't happen together in the brain. When we use punishment we encourage anger and hurt rather than learning and often one behaviour may disappear only to be replaced by a nasty , new set unless we teach children appropriate behaviours to meet their needs. I call it "practicing" when my children behave poorly and I have them choose an appropriate way to re-do it! It takes time in the beginning but saves time in the long run. The challenge for us is to keep learning fun, safe, and relevent.

Sue - posted on 05/03/2009

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i agree with Joanne to punish a child is really counterproductive because it re-inforces behaviour we dont want from the child.....if that makes sense. I work in a nursery and the word naughty is not recognised, because children are not naughty. Challenging maybe but i understand everyones views.

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Stephanie - posted on 02/20/2014

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With my little love I tend to use reward rather than punishment. That seems to work for the most part. When absolutely necessary I use time out (for no more than a couple minutes). If she is having a tantrum I simply ignore her until she stops.

http://skinnylattemommy.blogspot.com/201...

User - posted on 05/06/2009

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hi, i count to 3 and use time out, but I don't usually get past 2. The biggest thing that I find works is follow through. Don't give them threats without following through. So you have to watch that you don't go over the top with the warnings. It works for us!

Heidi - posted on 05/05/2009

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consistancy...repetative with the same response and eventually they learn what you are triing to teach them just have alittle patience because it doesnt take long.

Tamara - posted on 05/04/2009

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Mines about 5 months shy of two, so it may not work for a full-fledged 2 year old but what I do is constant redirection and showing her what she CAN do as opposed to what she can't. It makes both of our lives easier and doesn't fill her little world with "no"

Adell - posted on 05/04/2009

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i have 2 year old and he is really good..i usually just remove him or the item from the situation or put him on his time out chair..bc hes 2 i have to sit with him and in a calm gentle voice tell him what he did was wrong i never use the word bad only naughty and 2 minutes because hes 2 it works rlly well for me..screaming or spanking i dont think works it only makes them scared and as they get older they do the same back to u u have to be careful with a 2 yr old if u wait after it happens they dont realize what they did wrong..i hope i helped..im a young mom but my son is very well behaved

Katrina - posted on 05/04/2009

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I put my 2 year oldin time out for 2 minutes if that doesnt work and he keeps fussing he has to put his arms up for a minute. He hates that but it works! He doesnt make the same mistake twice. Usually if he starts to do something he knows he's not supposed to I ask him if he wants to go in time out with his arms up. Usually the answer is no! And of course you always explain why they are in time out and if they do it again they will recieve another time out.... Always make them say sorry and of course a hug and kiss just to let them know just cause they got into trouble you still love them!

Andra - posted on 05/04/2009

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Quoting Tiffany:

I am a firm believer in telling once, and only telling No once, after than i spank. (and NOOO i don't beat my kids.. spanking in different)



I have to agree. I have a 2 1/2 year old girl and she likes to test the waters. I tell her once and if she does it again she knows she will get a firm spank on the bottom. She knows what is then expected from her. Yes there are many times we have to do things more then once, but she does get. You just have to be consistant!

Chelsea - posted on 05/04/2009

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there is no best way to punish a 2 year old as all kids are different. take my son for example, he screams very loudly so i try shouting, that didnt work, then i try the naughty chair/corner and he laughed, then i tried smacking and that didnt work but i have found a way. i get up and follow him and then i smack his hand and tell him to stop screaming. he always pushes his luck but i stand my ground with him and slowly hes learning. every child is different andu need to find the way that puts you in charge. but whatever you do,and i know its hard but do not smile.good luck

Holly - posted on 05/04/2009

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I use positive reinforcement, a time out if necessary and a spanking if absolutely needed. As put by another responder it is discipline not punishment. An explanation is always needed, it won't do anything to teach them if they don't understand. My oldest got a spanking once (now 20), my second never (now 16), and my youngest (4) only a couple time outs (so far). What ever you decide - as a lot of others have already written - consistency is the key. GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!

Emily - posted on 05/04/2009

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I just used redirection, positive feedback and modeling for my two year olds. IT never failed me.

Cathy - posted on 05/04/2009

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be stern use the time out method. I did this but we called it the notty chair. Let the child know that you love him/her but you don't like their behavior. Use a timer set for minutes, when times up have him/her say sorry hug and tell him/her that you love him/her no matter what but he has to listen Told my sister in law a bout this and she is using with her 2yr old son and it is helping. Hope I could be of some help.Have a great day

[deleted account]

Children don't even hear negative feedback until they are about 12, it really does go in one ear and out the other, so it needs to be positive feedback. Catch them being good and praise them, and for the rest be consistant.

Elizabeth - posted on 05/04/2009

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Time out - no toys - have them pick up the mess they made and make them apologize if they have the vocabulary - I also agree with Berenadette below.

Joanne - posted on 05/04/2009

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Every parent knows their own child best and has the right to choose their own method of discipline, but I choose not to spank or even use time out as a punishment because I believe that teaches children to do the right thing out of fear. This could encourage them to do the "naughty" thing when they know they won't get caught. I think about when my son becomes more independent from me and I want him to behave because he gets a good feeling from doing the right thing, not because he is afraid to mess up. In my school we are required to give four positives for every negative interaction with a kid. I think this is a good rule of thumb.

Tammy - posted on 05/03/2009

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well thats the treible 2s and it can get bad depends on the child and how good or bad he or she is if they are a very bad child they need a spanking on the butt it wont hurt itll hurt you more than them if they are just a little out of control putting them in the corner is a good one or sitting in a chair for time out but be stern and dont let them figget around or they will take it oh too litely and they will get worse ...if you have to spank them make sure they understand why they are getting that spanking we explain to our grandkids very time they get one the 4 year old is the worst about getting in trouble ...we hav to spank her or shed be and ugly child and i dont want that...i hope this helps in your desion ....

tammy

Jayme - posted on 05/03/2009

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time out and explain what they did wrong smacking them gets them nowhere i think they will get immune 2 it lol and some people do what they did say if the child bit sum1 the parent wud bite the child that is just so stupid teaches them its ok my son is 2 and he always says please thank you and ur welcome :) tho recently his been callin me babe lol

[deleted account]

I think it is still important as a parent to teach them right from wrong. We are responsible for teaching them this - not their teachers- My son Kyle who turns 8 this month gets so many compliments from his teachers because of his behaviour. If they dont respect authority at home- how can they respect authoruty out in the community...

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I found that time out works the best. Nothing else will work on my three year old. But if you make him sit and he is not allowed to get up, play, or anything for that matter that gets the message across.

[deleted account]

Each of my four children responded in different ways. My oldest learnt better through the consequences of his actions- as long as he is not in danger this worked well for him. It then became a simple matter of " Kyle if you do that then this will happen" He then would chose to listen to Me. Grace, my daughter is more emotional. So I used that to train her right from wrong." Grace Mummy is very happy that you helped her tidy the toys up. Thank You so much for being Mummy's helper". Grace followed My oldest son quite a bit so I did not have much trouble with her. My second son Fletcher is more easy going - a simple No with eye contact was enough to make him understand that was wrong. David is the new challange for me- he has Down Syndrome-so far he is not into to much mischeif. So they are all different- you know them best. Trust you insticts. Many advisers makes one wise.

Breanna - posted on 05/03/2009

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2 year olds, or, all children for that matter, want attention. The key with discipline is knowing what kind of attention to give and when. give your child TONS of attention and praise when they are doing something you like or want them to do. when they do something wrong or you dont like, give minimal but firm attention. a quick "thats NOT ok" is sufficient. ultimately, they will understand they get attention when they are behaving and they will also learn what is expected of them at the same time. I am a parent educator and teach this to parents. Its hard to praise so much when they behave b/c its when they misbehave we pay more attention. its a hard habit to break, but it works like MAGIC :) PRAISE PRAISE PRAISE best of luck. let me know if you need more help or tips

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never gave in to they crying because they know they won.make sure they understand the answer no wen they want something alway keep control .put in they cot or bed if needed if u have bfriend or hubby get him to help u .

Carla - posted on 05/03/2009

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Absolutely, as tedious as it is, you must be consistent with the consequences for their actions and then you'll see results maybe when their around 3 or 4 year old. Sorry but it's the truth, I have a 4 year old and a 19 month old so we're about to go through that all over again, God help us all...

Rebekah - posted on 05/03/2009

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I love what Joanne said! I think a lot of people do not want to commit to this, so when you only do it half way or go back and forth its not effective! The truth is this will work you just have to be CONSISTANT!

Rebekah - posted on 05/03/2009

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Make sure you are consistant in what ever discipline you choose to use! Children are smart and they will remember the one time you didnt follow through! Some ideas - You will probably have to see what works best for your child and what you are most comfortable with! Redirect when possible (we walk in the house, if you want to run we can go outside) Time Out (you dont have to call it this) its basically a cool down time Always explain the correct behavior the child can use! Some times the punishment needs to fit the crime (since you threw your food on the floor now you need to clean it up) At two children do not always have the words to express there frustration or anger so, you need to give the words(Your toy is broke, I bet your feeling upset, its okay to be upset everyone gets upset sometimes). I hope some of this is helpfull to you! Good luck!!

[deleted account]

I tried the naught step with my son who is now 3 and it didnt work. I warn him and count to ten and if he hasnt stopped what he is doing wrong then I give him a smack. No I dont beat him. He is extremely well behaved when we are out anywahere as he knows I will smack him whether we are around people or not if he misbehaves. I believe that you have to keep the discipline the sam eno matter where you are. My brpther will not smack his kids in public so they run riot. I got a smack when i misbehaved when i was younger and do not see the problem with a little smack every now and then when needed. My son normally stops doin what he was doin wrong before I have finished counting to ten so he rarely gets a smack but he knows if he doesnt stop he will.

Sue - posted on 05/03/2009

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A two year old is pushing all the boundaries because they are experiencing so many changes. They suddenly go from being babies to todlers and we expect so much of them. Distraction is by far the best avenue. The word No just spurs them on more but sometimes a 2 minute time out sitting next to you with no interaction can be effective. Every child is different and what works for one child wont work for another. Remember a child of 2 is not naughty just curious, adventurous, and is often a risk taker so will push the boundaries to see the reaction. Heap praise on good behaviour and try not to be too negative, its all trial and error. Good luck x

Debbie - posted on 05/03/2009

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I agree with the time out, its works for my little guy! We do a 2 minute timeout on the stairs.

Clare - posted on 05/03/2009

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A 2 year old is just learning that they are a person in there own right. I beleive in praise all the time for good. Ignore for annoying stuff. Avoid saying no ALL the time. A corner/chair for really bad behaviour. They are learning whats good and bad for the first time. They need help to understand the world around them.

Genara - posted on 05/03/2009

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Best punishment that I have for my kids was no games or playing outside. Best things you can take from a child, or anything that they like the most take it away for a day.

Tiffany - posted on 05/03/2009

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I am a firm believer in telling once, and only telling No once, after than i spank. (and NOOO i don't beat my kids.. spanking in different)

[deleted account]

I would have to say a Time out Corner and explain to them what they did wrong and why they are punished in the time out corner.. i would work it on a 1st offense 2nd offense thing as for the time you choose to give them...if it is like them touching things they dont belong touching ,, this worked for me i read it in a magazine .. You have to grab their wrist gentley of the hand that is touching and give a little firm squeeze and say no....Always worked for my two

Trish - posted on 05/03/2009

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If you get any tips from this I'd really like them too.



My youngest does understand the naughter chair/corner as they use it at creche and I use it when she gets stroppy at home. I minute per year.

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