What is the right way to handle a situation me and my ex divorce is done but he was ordered by the judge to call his kids but he wont call bcause of his girlfriend what can I do?

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Jodi - posted on 08/17/2011

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I'm confused. He is incarcerated? So does he even GET phone calls at the times specified in your court orders?

And how do your children know daddy cheated? That's information that is really on a need-to-know basis, and children don't need to know that.

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Tracy - posted on 08/31/2011

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if hes odered and not calling hes in comtemt of court. you can either let the courts know or you can keep track of the times he does call. hes a big boy its his decision not to call..dont make excuses for him and dont lie to the kids for him about why he hasnt called just let them know he loves them and you love them too ... Good luck..

Nicole - posted on 08/23/2011

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I would go about living your life and let your kids go on with theirs. If he is in Jail then he probably doesnt get to make phone calls at your specified time, but if he never bothered calling before he got locked up then I would just leave it and go on with your life. If he doesnt want to be a part of your kids lifes than that is his choice and you cant change him.
And as far as your kids knowing that daddy cheated I would not share information like that with your kids, that is between you and your ex, my ex did the same thing to me, but I would never talk smack about him in front of my son, my opinion of my sons father is just that MY opinion, and my son can form an opinion of his own, but kids definitly do not need to know about all the problems their parents had, that just makes it seem that you are trying to turn your kids against their father

Jodi - posted on 08/17/2011

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What has all this got to do with his phone call time with the kids?

I am SUPER confused. From what I can gather, he up and left you with 7 kids and went off with some other woman. Now he's in prison and isn't calling them? What is it you are wanting to achieve from your question?

Tikisha - posted on 08/17/2011

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i know for a fact itz her c im a firm believer n faith if notnin else and if he left me of 22yrs with 7kids hell leave her to itz his homeboy ol gurlfriend u cannot turn a hoe nto a housewife im not with no one playn mom to mine and ur not even a mom to ur own not acceptable by me!and I dont want him not at all !

Stephanie - posted on 08/17/2011

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ok but r u assuming its her or do u know? I am only asking because I am in a similar situation where I am the new fiance and the mom likes to try to say that i dont want the kids or want him to be a part of the kids life? Which is complete crap because I love my step kids so very much.

Tikisha - posted on 08/17/2011

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Bcause the ung lady came to our house were me and my kids reside at and he asked that the judge have me to get minutes on the phone and I did as I was told to do at the end of the day he hurt his kids not me im luving life der hurt not me life goes on!

Tikisha - posted on 08/17/2011

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Thankx for all the kind words of encouragement but itz way byond phone calls he dont even write them hes I.carcerated I even asked for visiting dayz to take them to visit and he wont even do dat but this lady he with got me and my 2 daughterz arrested on false accusations and I would never trust either of them with my kids alone she has to much lead way with him dealing with our kids 7 of dwm the youngest is 4 all dey ask is y daddy cheat mommy and all I can say is I dont know y and the family never dealt with my kids anyway!

Michele - posted on 08/17/2011

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I think all the comments above are excellent. I like the ones where she included his family in things to force him into attending. Also, you could try and talk to the g/f-is it definitly her putting the stop to things or is he just dropping it in her lap? If it is her then there won't be much you can do-- but definitly document everything. My g/fs ex was a real piece of work--the daughter remembers but the older one the boy doesn't....and as an adult he would spend time at Dads visiting etc but not with his Mom...deep down I think he resented his mom for divorcing his Dad...I was in the midst of it as I was her babysitter so I know the torment she went through and the kids went through. ( I had to deal with them when they returned on a Sunday evening-and I could tell what kind of weekend they had and alot of it stemmed from the step mom and the fact that her kids were more important than his bc they were adopted.)..They were a couple of idiots to say the least. I know when my g/f said something a few years ago the son did not remember any of the stuff his Dad said or did...so I told him that what Mom was saying was true. Hang in and don't bad-mouth the dad or his g/f. Be patient and loving to your kids...hopefully something will make him smarten up.l

Keri - posted on 08/17/2011

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I wouldn't force the issue. He is making his choice to be part of his kids' lives. He has chose to not be part. I haven't not voluntarily heard from my ex since December 2009 and that was only because he require information from me. His son doesn't know who he is and doesn't care. I kind of hate to say that, but my ex made that choice. My son has a dad and that is all that matters.

My husband did try to call his kids every Friday, but their mom wouldn't let them answer the phone are was conveniently out of the house every Friday night. It really sucked for him.

If your kids are old enough to know that dad hasn't called just tell them he is busy. If they are too young to understand then just let it go. No point in upsetting them if you don't have to. I do agree you should document when he does and does not call for future reference.

April - posted on 08/17/2011

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There is nothing you can do. Forget about what he is doing and focus on supporting your kids. Don't ever talk bad about him to themas they will figure out what he like over time. If they ask why he doesn't call I would say something like "I don't know why, but some people just aren't good about calling, but I know he loves you". Whatever you say, just make sure they know it has nothing to do with them and that they are awesome. I'm divorced and this has worked for me.

Patricia - posted on 08/17/2011

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Keep a log, its only going to get worse if she is already controling and he listens. I'm a single mother of three, in and out of court now basically because of step mom issues,. Its tough, KEEP A JOURNAL! Write everything down!

[deleted account]

Unfortunately, the other ladies are spot on. There's really nithing you can do, other than document, document, DOCUMENT! Also, Jodi is right in the fact that a lot of people think it's a court oder for the other parent to call, but most of the time it is just saying whichever parent will make the child available *if* the other parent chooses to call. I know there are some cases that do say the other parent has to call, but the majority of them just say that the child has to be made available for a call should one come in.

BUT, the other parent NOT choosing to call does go in your favor if it ever comes up in front of the judge, so keep on documenting! :)

Heather - posted on 08/16/2011

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I am sorry that you are going through this. But I would be as honest as possible just tell as much as they are needed. I don't think not telling them is going to be healthy in the long run. I am not sure how much information is to much depending on how much they ask. Because in the long run you don't want your ex to come back and act like it was all you. I will pray for your situation.

Deb - posted on 08/16/2011

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Really there is not much you can do, as long as your ex puts his girlfriends needs ahead of his children's. To try to force this issue will only result in bad feelings between you and your ex and your kids will know it. He will call sooner or later and when he does try to be as nice as possible and not berate him for missed calls. Your kids will be happier and so will you.

Heather - posted on 08/16/2011

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I too have the same issue. As stated from people above there is nothing legally you can do. You can't force him to see or call them. My ex takes my son when it suits him or answers calls when it suits him. My son is only 3 but he will learn for himself what a deadbeat his father is as he grows up. You have to be the strong one an encourage the relationship and not bad mouth. You will come out on top later on. It sucks however for you to go through it and act that way but it is best for your kids. In our divorce if he couldn't take my son on his weekend he was to first ask me if I wanted to take my son and if I was busy it was up to him to find someone to watch him. He never does that. he just says he can't. I would rather have my son with me anyways. Just know that your kids know or will know who is really there for them in life. Stay strong!

Brandi - posted on 08/16/2011

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Unfortunately there isn't really any thing you can do, but wait. It really is horrible for someone to treat their kids that way, but men tend to follow the thinking of their second head. The only thing I can tell you is to try and call him and then get him on the phone with them. If he answers your call chances are that she isn't around. You should also follow the advice given on here about his contact. You can ask for a full copy from your phone company that details who called and when. I would suggest if he keeps it up to long get the kids involved in something. It will keep them busy that way they really don't notice that it's been a week and dad hasn't called. Hope he turns around soon.

Kullo-Egelton - posted on 08/16/2011

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I went through something similar. What I did was involve the girlfriend in special events and this way he would have to show up. Also I would invite his family to everything and this embarrassed him in attending. Without an audience however he did what he wanted to do and this was ignore his children whenever he could. Another method I employed was to buy tickets for events which he would have to take the kids to and this helped. For their skating carnival shows I would invite all of his family and this would force his hand and he would attend. If he is as stubborn as my ex was and still is give up fighting and just be the best mom you can be. In the end when your kids are adults like mine I have one who knows how to manipulate her dad and gets the attention she wants now but the other resents his dad for his absences. They earn their reputations as you earn yours. All the best.

TOONT - posted on 08/15/2011

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I do nOt think that is fait for the child to have to go threw that.He should not allow his girlfriend to have that much control...

Pamela - posted on 08/15/2011

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The most important thing NOT to do, is to tell the children involved he's not calling b/c of his girlfriend. If best thing to do is to be there for them. Encourage your ex to interact with the kids regularly for their benefit.

Hang in there girl! Sometimes people can be so self involved they don't realize the damage they are doing. Lifes a long time, maybe he will come around sometime soon & step up to the plate... & maybe he won't. Your kids are lucky to have you! All you can control is how you are with them. Good luck!!!!!

Jodi - posted on 08/14/2011

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It isn't really an "order" for him to call the kids, rather and order for you to make them available for him to talk to should he choose to call. It's the same with visitation, if the non custodial parent has been given a certain amount of visitation by the judge, they don't have to take it, you, as custodial parent, just need to make sure it is available to them. Yeah, I know it's wrong of him not to call his kids, and he should do it, but there is really nothing you can do.

[deleted account]

You can't control what he does or doesn't do. All you can control is your reaction to it. If he has scheduled days/times to call just keep documenting when he does and doesn't call. If you go back to court again documenting his lack of contact may be beneficial.

Sorry. I know it sucks!

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