What is wrong with having a big family?

Victoria - posted on 12/15/2009 ( 46 moms have responded )

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Between me and my husband we have 4 children one of which is ours together, and now I am pregnant with # 5. My 4th and his 3rd. We are so excited! But when we break the news we automatically get judged or deemed crazy. My own best friend had some very negative things to say. We both have good jobs and yes we may struggle at times but our children will never do without. Granted we do not want to be like the Duggars but if we are conceiving from pure love then what's the problem? We both love children and aren't sure if this will be the last for us. We also love each other and have a great relationship . So tell me, struggle or not, what's wrong with having more than the average 2 or 3 kids?



Another thing, who really can "afford" another baby considering you never know what you might get into??? Unless, you are rich.

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Charlie - posted on 12/15/2009

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OooooOOOoooo congrats on your next little bubba .

I think if you can have a large family are financially , physically , and mentally able to provide all they need then go for it !!

BUT i am half islander and my islander side of the family have LARGE families , my mum being one of 14 i have cousins who are up to 9 kids , constantly asking for money they cannot afford the kids they have and yet they want MORE .

I dont agree with them having more i think in their particular circumstance its selfish , they would put their kids in even more poverty , while draining other family members who have their own kids to care for .

Julie - posted on 12/16/2009

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I come from a family of 11 kids and 2 parents (13). I have an older brother by 13 months, than me than a 5 year break. After the five years they are every other year apart. My oldest son is a month older than my youngest brother and my youngest son is 9 months older than my youngest sister. My kids are 19 months apart and I only have 2).My mom stayed home and my dad worked. We weren't rich or even middle class, but we had love. We grew up without TV or radio (by my parents choice) so we played and played hard. Now everyone has grown up and my parents, their kids and grand kids total up to about 94 people. But it is ok...if they didn't or couldn't put time into us - we did each other. As a matter of fact they had to chase us down to spend time with us. Will you struggle - yes. Is it worth it - yes. But one key note - there must be discipline. Without it, you will suffer and so will everyone else. I am sure it is against the law by now, but ignore that. Your parents are like they are because of it. We can not let a childless socialist tell us what our kids do or don't need. Good luck!

Chantelle - posted on 12/18/2009

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my sentiments exactly. we can never afford children. but this is your families choice, this is not china and there are no laws saying you should only have 2 children. who knows you may even have another child together. be proud and enjoy your family.

Jenn - posted on 12/16/2009

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I think that you should be able to have as many children as you want if you are taking care of your chidlren. Woman who are having baby after baby only to have them taken away may be an exception but it's your life and according to the Bible we should be fruitful and multiply :) I think the duggars are great. They may have a lot of children but they all seem to love and care about each other and they are providing for their own and pretty well too. I think the true testimony of a family is how they treat and feel for each other. You can have the typical 2.5 kids and yet not have a family. I have four of my own and have lost 3, due to the hardships in pregnancy I don't want to carry more but I would love to adopt and have a big family. Bottom line is there are always people who want to be negative and will find something to complain about. True friends support you, I think you need to find a new friend not a new outlook on the life that you and your husband want to build.

Lauri - posted on 12/16/2009

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My husband and have 8 children. The first 7 were within 12 years, #8 came 8 years later and has Downs Syndrome, a heart defect (which ahas been corrected) and hydrocephalus (also corrected). Although I have to admit some years are a blur, every one of those years was truly blessed by all the love that was shared. My children now range from 16 to 36 and we are definitely one big family. Only 3 are married at this point and we have 9 grandchildren, the oldest is 10, youngest (twins) at 10 months. My daughter with Downs has been helped enormously by all the other siblings, her cousins (all her age or younger) and nieces and nephews. I was lucky enought to be able to stay home for the first 15 years, but when the older kids hit high school (private and parochial) I needed to get back in the work force. When Heather came along, I still needed to work (now it was colleges). This was a great change for me. Luckily family once again was a blessing.
If you truly want a big family, and both my husband and I did, then you need to be able to work for it. I don't mean just have jobs for money, but be willing to put the blood, sweat and tears into it. Believe me there were lots of blood (broken bones, stitches, etc.) sweat and tears (both happy and not), People started questioning me after my third pregnancy about being pregnant AGAIN????. It took me until my seventh pregnancy to stop apologizing for having another child. I figured 'Hey I'm married and I can be pregnant if I want to.'
Good luck and enjoy!

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Brianna - posted on 06/26/2011

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i think its great u want a big family. also u guys only have 1 together well soon to be 2 but i dont blame u for wanting a couple together aswell. dont listen to anyone else if ur happy thats all that matters good luck

Mary Jane - posted on 06/26/2011

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Nothing, I have 4 myself and we are adopting another, as long as you can financially care for them and have enough time to spend with them, more power to you!

[deleted account]

Congrats on #5! It seems like you are financially stable and emotionally able to raise a large family. More power to you!

I hate to tell you that I also get the same crap from people but in the opposite way. I have 1 child-by choice. My husband & I have no desire to have more kids. I can't tell you how many times we are told that my son NEEDS a sibling or we are the most SELFISH parents. So people are going to judge you one way or another. You just learn to grow a harder shell because no one's opinion really counts in the long run except your partner.

Christine - posted on 12/22/2009

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l have six children plus a stepson who l love very much and dont think of him that way hes just one of my children l have had 2 realaionships and theese are the result of them and l wouldnt have it any other way l had my kids because lwanted kids and lots not for money like they get now they may fight and stuff but if one gets hurt they all come together

Wendy - posted on 12/18/2009

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There is absolutly nothing wrong with having as many children as you want,if there is love and laughter,in the house,the more the merrier, I all ways say. The wonderfull thing about larger families,is that the children learn to pitch in and help,more so than if there is only one or two children. Good luck with your baby. Congratulations. I gave birth to two children,and I am blessed with five wonderful children,and six grand children so far....Wendy

La - posted on 12/17/2009

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Congrats for baby on the way! I have one daughter, one on the way, and two step children. People say me and my fiance are crazy for having 4 kids, but it is not unmanagable. Things are not always easy, but what in life is EVER easy?! If you were a single mom on welfare and had 14 kids (hint hint) I might say you were crazy-ish LOL!

Mary - posted on 12/17/2009

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Who is anyone to judge? Sometimes woman cannot help what is intended with big families; My great grandmother had 13 boys. 2 single births, 2 set of twins and 2 sets of triplets all naturally too, I am sure people gave her some looks too with all those boys. Do you think people will ever stop judging those with big families? I doubt it.

It's the couples business so if they want more than let them! Congrat's to you and your husband on # 5!

Jess - posted on 12/17/2009

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Welcome to the world of large family prejudice! I'm also pregnant with number 5 and you'd think having 5 kids in 6 years was a crime with some people's attitudes! It makes it all the more special when someone stops to tell my how beautiful or well behaved my children are, or say how blessed or lucky I am! It saddens me that few people got EXCITED about this baby number 5, but Beloved and I as well as the four munchkins are over the moon! The kids want twins!





Oh and as for the "expense" debate - it's lifestyles that are expensive not kids. Our lifestyle isn't that different to when we just had one, it has always been our choice to be careful with money and avoid breeding materialism in our kids.



And the health thing, if one more person asks about my pelvic floor I swear I will kick them in the shins! I am fit and healthy, I don't smoke or drink, I exercise daily and have a good diet. I am healthier and fitter than many childless women! Yet people think it is OK to comment on the most intimate of health issues - sorry, my dander gets up easily when I'm pregnant!

[deleted account]

I have 4 chidlren & I wanted 6 but had to have a Hysterectomy :{
So I have 4 children, one husband and 4 dogs :}

Jessica - posted on 12/16/2009

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Everyone has an opinion but its theirs not yours. I came from a family of 4 kids. We struggled at times but we always were taken care of. I only have 2 kids but would love to have 4. Every person I expected to be happy when i had my first child wasn't excited. They had there little comments and that hurt. My husband says opinions are like buttholes everybody has one and most of them stink! As long as you and your husband are happy don't worry about what they think.And also about the who can afford more kids think. Its a struggle no matter how many you have. Nothing is ever perfect.

Janice - posted on 12/16/2009

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Hello, I have just had our 7th child. We may not be rich in money, but love, food,shelter and clothes is what we give our kids. I am sick of people who comment on how many kids we have. We love our kids with all our heart and will do anything for them. I can't wait till they have their own kids. I will be fun.

Marian - posted on 12/16/2009

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theres no problem at all if your physically and finacialy able then there should be no problem with that

Tracey - posted on 12/16/2009

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I think that definitely comes down to your ability to pay/take care of your kids. If you need any state assistance or are constantly bugging your family.. probably not a good idea. But if life is good-- go for it!!!

[deleted account]

I come from a family of six, and I have mixed feelings about large families. While I thought I had a great childhood, and I am very close to all of my siblings, sometimes I wonder how it would have been to come from a smaller family. It would have been nice to have had quality time with my parents and me instead of with me and at least one other sibling. I have heard people say that your siblings are a much bigger influence on how you will be as a person rather than your parents, and I think that's true for me. But I wouldn't necessarily say it's good or bad.

When you get to ridiculous proportions like the Duggars, I think each child starts to lose individuality. Honestly, can their parents even tell them apart? Or does the child start to think of themselves as "#13"? Not only that, it's not fair to the older ones to make them raise their siblings. Who do you think is watching the younger ones while Mr. and Mrs. Duggar are in the hospital with their premie? And also, your body is simply not meant to carry that many children. It's not safe for her or the baby. I could seriously go off, but I'm just gonna stop there!

Jamie - posted on 12/16/2009

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To be honest you shouldnt call her your BF because she should support you.. She is not the one taking care of your kids and supporting them.. you and your husband are..if you want more kids after that then you should have them...as long as you dont have to struggle its ok....

Bobbie - posted on 12/16/2009

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There is nothing wrong with having more than the average family, nowadays. If you are Christian, then who are you to judge?? God is blessing you with all your children..embrace them and enjoy every minute of them!! I have 5 children with my husband and I understand how people can be cruel. Who are they?? Go on, have as many as God wants you to have!!! God Bless You!!!!

Kitty - posted on 12/16/2009

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I think it is wonderful that you want a big family. I came from a family of 11 children. I was th 9th child. We had a wonderful Mom and Dad. We are a close family. There are 7 of us left. I am 66 yrs old now. We were poor in money but very rich in love.We still have big family dinners about every 2 months. We greet each other with hugs. My 2 sisters and I slept together in one bed. We kept each other warm and my brothers slept together. We had a small home. My Dad worked out and mamma was a stay at home mother. She worked in the garden. She canned and She picked blackberries, strawberries and made jams and jellies. We never went hungry. She gave us jobs to do. She went swimming with us during the summer. She also kept some of her grandchildren during the summer and they loved to be with us.

Kitty - posted on 12/16/2009

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Quoting Victoria:

What is wrong with having a big family?

Between me and my husband we have 4 children one of which is ours together, and now I am pregnant with # 5. My 4th and his 3rd. We are so excited! But when we break the news we automatically get judged or deemed crazy. My own best friend had some very negative things to say. We both have good jobs and yes we may struggle at times but our children will never do without. Granted we do not want to be like the Duggars but if we are conceiving from pure love then what's the problem? We both love children and aren't sure if this will be the last for us. We also love each other and have a great relationship . So tell me, struggle or not, what's wrong with having more than the average 2 or 3 kids?

Another thing, who really can "afford" another baby considering you never know what you might get into??? Unless, you are rich.


 

Mary - posted on 12/16/2009

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Good for you and your husband and congratulations on #5! Yes, you can do it! I am a mother of five children myself. My family is made up of four girls and one boy. Ages from 20 down to 5. Our oldest two daughters were from my previous marriage that was not good. At the time I was pregnant with my second oldest I was going through a divorce and decided that if I ever got remarried we could decide to have kids. This I left open. I met my second husband, a divorcee' too and he never had children, but wanted kids too. While we were dating we determind both wanted kids and a big family, but never said any number limit at the time. So we had another girl. Then we had our son. I have medical issues that I cannot have Epiduals so I had to take other means for pain when my son was born his heart rate kept crashing and when he was born he was very blue baby. This really worried us and decided we were not going to have any more, however we did not want to have any surgeries done on either of us to make drastic steps not to have any more in case we'd change our minds. 3 years after my sons birth my husband and I wanted to have another child and we had our youngest daughter whose now 5. No one thought I could handle 5 kids and wide ranges of ages but I did it. I had family and friends thinking I was crazy and off my rocker for so many kids. I stayed at home and my husband is an educator, we manage our fiances so we can work with our large family. You don't have to rich just well-management style where money is concerned. I beleive if this is meant to be for you than absolutely do what you believe is right for you! Don't listen to negatives cuz they are always going to be out there. Take that with a grain of salt. Believe your heart and mind and go with what you know you can handle and stay positve in life without listening to the negatives all the time.
Society allows too many judgemental ways instead of the knowings. Everyone has all kinds of reasons and circumstances for decisions on family sizes, but why judge anyone? Something to think about here. If couples chose to have large families or small this is their business and decisions not anyone else's therefore we shall not become judgemental towards anyone.

[deleted account]

i wish we were having another one! :) i have 4 daughters, it is really fun, crazy, but fun. large families are really cool, the dynamics are crazy, and we all learn from each other! it does cost a lot of money to have all those kids, but we have more fun with less! :) i have seen some comments with having a large brood...comments seem to be in fun and are funny, especially because we have 4 DAUGHTERS! i have had to have all c-sections with the 4 pregnancies, and i'm going to be 39 in january, so, i guess we are done have kids, but i wish we were having more....congratulations on number 5!!

Cindy - posted on 12/16/2009

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If you can handle it financially and otherwise, go for it! Our youngest son and fiancee plan to have 8! If you look at homeschool families, they are often quite large and some of the happiest, most stable people around. Western nations are actually under-populated; 51 million abortions have reduced our work force and consumer base, and largely explains why our nation is struggling in so many ways. Our society has become very anti-child since the early 70s; the cure for that is large, happy families!

Betsy - posted on 12/16/2009

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Quoting Brooke:



Quoting Betsy:




Quoting Brooke:

I personally dont want any more then 2.. maybe 3. I am 19 with an almost 1 year old, my partner is 21. He works full time as a retail manager, not a huge salary but enough to support our family. I work casually in the same place just as a sales assistant, I have done since before my daughter.
We do very well, we are paying off our own house...etc. But I can not imagine supporting 5 children.
I have grown up watching one of my 3 sisters. She is now pregnant with her 6th! due in no more then a month.
I have no idea how she will afford it.
I suppose what im getting at is people see 2 children as plenty. You can support them evenly, have savings for them. Send them to private schools and on to university. After 3 your whole lifestyle has to change. New car, bigger house etc.
If you can support 5 children then that is great!!! congratulations!
I will be asking my Dr if he can tie my tubes after no.2 or 3 lol








When I was 19 and had 1, I couldn't imagine providing for more with the lifestyle I wanted, but if you plan things right, you can. We had our youngest of our 5, twins right after we bought my dream home, are putting one through college now, and at this point in our lives could afford more with no sacrifice to the others financially. If we had them all by 25, it would be a different situation. For some that works, and they want to live simply with just the basics. I like more freedom without having to worry about cutting corners and still being able to retire, so we had to plan accordingly.










That is really great you have been able to provide so well for your children and I look up to those who can. I hope that I will be successful later down the track and I strive to accomplish my goals. But I don't want to be setting myself into concrete where I have too many kids and not enough money! I hope to be able to get my tubes tied after a possible 2 more. If later on my partner and I feel as though we would like to have more childrenm then so be it. At this time of my life I just feel that 2-3 is enough for MYSELF.






But as I said before for those who can support a big family then that is great :-)...






My own mother had 5. I didn't grow up with much. Never had anything that was branded etc. I am not saying that matters but it is nice to have nice things. I don't want my children to feel out of place because I can not afford to buy them nice clothes or toys etc.






 






Do you mind me asking Betsy... what kind of work do you and your husband do?






He owns a company, and I am an attorney. I know some very large families who have the lifestyle of making do and living very simply which they love, but honestly, that's not for me.  For us, we wanted to have a comfortable lifestyle, so that meant having our family as we could afford them comfortably, which included large age gaps with our older kids. That's not for everyone, but it worked for us with the life and family we wanted. We had a family with just 2 kids until we were older, established and until income for a big family with the lifestyle we wanted to provide for them was there. We did the struggling thing having our first very young, and learned fast that that was not what we wanted, so to have a big family with financial freedom, we had to wait to expand our family, so we were teaching one to drive as we taught 2 to walk :-)

Jane - posted on 12/16/2009

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There's nothing wrong w/ a big family!! As long as the big family doesn't have to rely on any assitance then who cares. I think people judge because they automatically assume that these people are on welfare or whatever else & in turn that means they're helping pay for these children thru taxes ect. Some people are just thrifty & figure out how to make things work & I say good for them! I'd love to have more but have to many factors going against me right now.

Kelsey - posted on 12/16/2009

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People just judge mothers with tons of kids as if it was always an accident and shes just too dumb to use bc. They also assume you cant afford it and therefore think you are a bad mother for putting your kids in an unfair situation where they arent being properly cared for. People who are judgmental and bitter are always looking for someone to judge and a mom with tons of kids is an easy target, just as young mothers, mothers of challenged kids, unmarried mothers, mothers of biracial kids, etc. Dont take it personally, they judge everyone, or they are just plain ignorant. I beleive that God will always provide what you need, and if your smart about it, you can have all the kids you want, even if your not rich. Of course, you still have to have somewhat of a decent income, you cant be dead broke and expect God is going to just lay a pile of money in your lap. There is a difference between having faith, and being irresponsible. Im not directing any of this toward you, just saying what I think. Im sure you know better than that, my point is alot of people like to assume you dont. As for your bff, she probobly was just sorting it all out in her head. She might not have believed what she was saying, just being open with you on the things about your situation that may worry her or it may just be her listing off the things you need to be sure to think about. Im sure she doesnt think your an idiot, probobly just thinking out loud, and loves you too much to see you make any mistakes. She just didnt censor herself when she probobly should have. I am one of those people too and Im often misunderstood. Shes the type that is very open and honest isnt she? :)

[deleted account]

Good Luck! Five is not unreasonable. Each of your kids will have a special role to play. However, the earth has reached its carrying capacity. there are children without loving families. think about adopting if you want a super huge family.

Desiree - posted on 12/16/2009

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I two have a large family. I have two children and my boyfriend has two children. I think I might be pregnant with the fifth child, I will find out this weekend. I mom told me like two years ago, " I do not care how many children you have just as long as you can take care of them". I do have to agree with her. If you and your husband both have good jobs and can financially take care of all five children then I do not see anything wrong with having more children. I do have to agree that the Duggars take it way to far. The mom is only in her fourties and she is kind of like a puppy mill, she will just keep producing until she can not have anymore. If you both love each other then I just say go for it. The children will grow up in a well loved environment.

Barbara - posted on 12/16/2009

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Continue to add to your "quiver" until you know it's time to stop for your family. We have 6, and we get the same response. My husband is a physician, and he would be told, "You know how to prevent this, don't you?" There was a season last year when we had 4 more children, ontop of our 6. You should have seen the jaws drop when we walked into restaurants during our short vacationwith 10 children in tow! :) Unfortunately, our society ingrains into people that children are a burden, not a blessing. The only reason we stopped at # 6 is because I was 41 when I had him and he almost died during birth. That was our "cue" to stop. We have not ruled out being able to adopt though if God leads us to do so. Don't worry about what others say, do what you know is best for your family, and remind people that children are a GIFT and BLESSING from God.

Brooke - posted on 12/15/2009

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Quoting Betsy:



Quoting Brooke:

I personally dont want any more then 2.. maybe 3. I am 19 with an almost 1 year old, my partner is 21. He works full time as a retail manager, not a huge salary but enough to support our family. I work casually in the same place just as a sales assistant, I have done since before my daughter.
We do very well, we are paying off our own house...etc. But I can not imagine supporting 5 children.
I have grown up watching one of my 3 sisters. She is now pregnant with her 6th! due in no more then a month.
I have no idea how she will afford it.
I suppose what im getting at is people see 2 children as plenty. You can support them evenly, have savings for them. Send them to private schools and on to university. After 3 your whole lifestyle has to change. New car, bigger house etc.
If you can support 5 children then that is great!!! congratulations!
I will be asking my Dr if he can tie my tubes after no.2 or 3 lol






When I was 19 and had 1, I couldn't imagine providing for more with the lifestyle I wanted, but if you plan things right, you can. We had our youngest of our 5, twins right after we bought my dream home, are putting one through college now, and at this point in our lives could afford more with no sacrifice to the others financially. If we had them all by 25, it would be a different situation. For some that works, and they want to live simply with just the basics. I like more freedom without having to worry about cutting corners and still being able to retire, so we had to plan accordingly.






That is really great you have been able to provide so well for your children and I look up to those who can. I hope that I will be successful later down the track and I strive to accomplish my goals. But I don't want to be setting myself into concrete where I have too many kids and not enough money! I hope to be able to get my tubes tied after a possible 2 more. If later on my partner and I feel as though we would like to have more childrenm then so be it. At this time of my life I just feel that 2-3 is enough for MYSELF.



But as I said before for those who can support a big family then that is great :-)...



My own mother had 5. I didn't grow up with much. Never had anything that was branded etc. I am not saying that matters but it is nice to have nice things. I don't want my children to feel out of place because I can not afford to buy them nice clothes or toys etc.



 



Do you mind me asking Betsy... what kind of work do you and your husband do?

Betsy - posted on 12/15/2009

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Quoting Brooke:

I personally dont want any more then 2.. maybe 3. I am 19 with an almost 1 year old, my partner is 21. He works full time as a retail manager, not a huge salary but enough to support our family. I work casually in the same place just as a sales assistant, I have done since before my daughter.
We do very well, we are paying off our own house...etc. But I can not imagine supporting 5 children.
I have grown up watching one of my 3 sisters. She is now pregnant with her 6th! due in no more then a month.
I have no idea how she will afford it.
I suppose what im getting at is people see 2 children as plenty. You can support them evenly, have savings for them. Send them to private schools and on to university. After 3 your whole lifestyle has to change. New car, bigger house etc.
If you can support 5 children then that is great!!! congratulations!
I will be asking my Dr if he can tie my tubes after no.2 or 3 lol



When I was 19 and had 1, I couldn't imagine providing for more with the lifestyle I wanted, but if you plan things right, you can. We had our youngest of our 5, twins right after we bought my dream home, are putting one through college now, and at this point in our lives could afford more with no sacrifice to the others financially. If we had them all by 25, it would be a different situation. For some that works, and they want to live simply with just the basics. I like more freedom without having to worry about cutting corners and still being able to retire, so we had to plan accordingly.

Cindy - posted on 12/15/2009

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I agree, it is up to each family and their situation. I do have a problem with those who have so many and can't take care of them. At the same time, people who would make wonderful parents sometimes are unable to have children. No one else can tell you what is right for you. I'm happy for you with your new baby on the way. Personally I wanted to have more (I have just one daughter). But her dad didn't want more, he was older and had 2 from a previous marriage. It was right for me, I am not sure that I would have the relationship I have with my daughter if there were more children - who knows? i am content now and will just look forward to grandchildren!

[deleted account]

Im with the others - if you are willing and able to care and provide for your family then it is entirely your decision on how large it will be. If you were my friend I probably would have made the crazy comment too - although not maliciously - because I cant imagine ever having the time and/or patience to deal with that many children so I gotta bow down to those of you that do!! Really, if you are happy with a big family then that is what you work for...and yes a big congrats on the next addition :)

Angie - posted on 12/15/2009

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There's nothing wrong with having a big family. I wanted 5 children but I had to have a hysterectomy after #3. As long as you are taking care of them financially and emotionally, it's no one's business. I think it's always best to be open to the children that God sends you and the rest of the world can butt out.

Brooke - posted on 12/15/2009

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I personally dont want any more then 2.. maybe 3. I am 19 with an almost 1 year old, my partner is 21. He works full time as a retail manager, not a huge salary but enough to support our family. I work casually in the same place just as a sales assistant, I have done since before my daughter.
We do very well, we are paying off our own house...etc. But I can not imagine supporting 5 children.
I have grown up watching one of my 3 sisters. She is now pregnant with her 6th! due in no more then a month.
I have no idea how she will afford it.
I suppose what im getting at is people see 2 children as plenty. You can support them evenly, have savings for them. Send them to private schools and on to university. After 3 your whole lifestyle has to change. New car, bigger house etc.
If you can support 5 children then that is great!!! congratulations!
I will be asking my Dr if he can tie my tubes after no.2 or 3 lol

C. - posted on 12/15/2009

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I loved having 3 siblings and always wanted at least 4 kids.. My husband on the other hand wants no more than 3 (only 2 if he was getting his way).. He'll get over that later :)



Forget what other people say. If you have the financial means and all the love to go around between your 5 children and the two of you, go for it! It's none of their business how many children you have. That is something that only you and your husband can decide.



Congratulations on baby #5!!!!! Good luck to you all!

Jodi - posted on 12/15/2009

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Victoria, I don't see an issue. I do think the Duggars have gone overboard, and can't possibly see how they can spend the time with the children they have, and can't imagine that is in the best interests of the kids, but having 5 or 6 kids, that is different. I also have a blended family - one mine, and two my husbands, and then we had another one. We chose not to continue, simply because of our age (I was 36, hubby was 40), the ages of the other children (the oldest is 17 now and we are entering a different phase in our lives), and the fact I suffered severe PND following the birth of my youngest. But if you can do it, great, I don't see why anyone has a right to judge.

Victoria - posted on 12/15/2009

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Quoting Jenn:

If you can do it. more power to you. I didn't want any more simply b/c 2 out of 3 births went badly, and after the third, I decided that I just couldn't handle another c-section. (1 vag / breech delivery, 1 emergency c-section and 1 scheduled c-section)
I think it's great to have a large family. I, myself, was an only child and never knew what it was like to have a large family until I met my husband and his HUGE family (including brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins etc - there's probably a good 250 'closely related' family members - 8 years and I'm still trying to learn all their names - LOL!)

And congratulations on #5!



That's completely understandable! Thanks for the congrats!

Betsy - posted on 12/15/2009

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We have a large family and are planning more. I know lots of super-large families. As long as you can afford it and can handle them and all the work it entails, I haven't really seen much negativity. Sometimes large families take comments in a bad way, so watch how you perceive comments. If someone feels they are overwhelmed with their own 2 kids, they are going to see a family with 7 kids, put themselves in that position and think "how"? So from their perspective, in their situation, it seems impossible or crazy to even imagine going from 2 to 7, but we usually have each one at a time (except for twins) and adjust with each lol. It is human nature though for people to see a situation and imagine themselves in it. Just like a family running around with 1 may see me with our 5 and think no way, when I see a family with 15, imagine caring for 10 more today and think, "How could I do it?" Reality is I would adjust with each one at a time as the family grew. So just keep in mind where that person is coming from imagining themselves in the situation, which may be overwhelming to them, and it really has nothing to do with your family.

The only time I have seen true negativity with large families is when the parents couldn't afford the kids they had, were being evicted, had state pay all living costs, but were trying for another because they wanted more regardless of consequences to the other kids and the taxpayers footing the bill. That is less about large families, but more about basic irresponsiblity in parenting. It's just more noticable in large family situation when 9 kids are risking homelessness, as opposed to family with 2 kids. There are some great large family boards/email groups on the web that you may like.

~Jennifer - posted on 12/15/2009

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If you can do it. more power to you. I didn't want any more simply b/c 2 out of 3 births went badly, and after the third, I decided that I just couldn't handle another c-section. (1 vag / breech delivery, 1 emergency c-section and 1 scheduled c-section)

I think it's great to have a large family. I, myself, was an only child and never knew what it was like to have a large family until I met my husband and his HUGE family (including brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins etc - there's probably a good 250 'closely related' family members - 8 years and I'm still trying to learn all their names - LOL!)



And congratulations on #5!

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