What is wrong with my daughter? Long.

Erica - posted on 08/10/2016 ( 2 moms have responded )

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This'll be a long post sorry about that.

Okay my daughter is 19 but she'll be 20 in a few months. I'll admit I had her young I was only 15 and her dad was 17. We were into drugs and always dropped her off with her grandma's and never raised her. They even had problems of their own like drinking. Basically no one raised her and yes... we neglected her. And DO I regret it! I'm the type of mom who likes to do everything because I'm so independent so I never asked my child to do chores because I had my own way of doing them. She always got to be on the computer while I worked. Never learned or really contributed to anything. I raised a lazy child. If I ask her to do something she'll do it but it takes her a day or two to even do it. She was on meds for ADHD for years but got off of them because they made her sick and depressed. She's always suffered from low self esteem and for the past few years she's been distant with family and never wanting to leave the house. During her highschool years she told me she didn't relate to the girls and was confused on most of the things they liked such as make up and boys. Now, i remember her being little and preferring her cousins boy toys over girl toys. Also preferred playing with boys over girls and even got tough with the girls. Anyway, She came out to me as lesbian at 14 and told me her first crush was a girl when she was only 8 years old! She attended church with her and even kissed her on the cheek! She found boys attractive but preferred dating girls and this is still going on. However... these past 4-5 years I've seen a change in her. She's always been a tomboy but she's completely switched to male clothing, binding her chest sometimes, going by the name AJ and even making people use "he" She hates her real name so I talked to her about it. And... well, she kinda pushed it aside and ignored me. We went to this seminar for her to do online college but we actually had to meet up for it. There was a time when we had to fill out a few forms and she was hesitant with putting down her gender and birthname. She look confused. As for this online college... she dropped it after a month and got bored and said it was difficult for her. Then once she told me she feels a gross feeling often especially over her chest and says she doesn't recognize herself in the mirror or her body. I've asked her about sex and she said she's okay with her genitals unless she has to show her partner during sex. It just makes her depressed. All in all, she won't leave the house because of anxiety, laziness, and the insecurity of herself. She told me she doesn't want to go out into the world and deal with everything especially things associated with gender. Because she's struggling with who she is inside and isn't sure how to fix it. Is my daughter a transgender? What should I do with her?

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Michelle - posted on 08/10/2016

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I agree with Dove.
She's now an adult so you can't make her seek help but you sure can ask if she wants to talk to someone.
It sounds like she is very confused and talking to someone could help her be her true self, whether that be male or female.
What do you do? You love her for who she is and be there when she wants to talk, like it sounds you have been so far.

Dove - posted on 08/10/2016

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Ask her if she would like to go to a counselor to talk about these things to help her sort out her feelings and to, hopefully, help some w/ the anxiety.

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